Friday, October 16, 2015


This is not a sad post, or a depressing post, but it is a post to say that I feel like I got punched in the throat. Probably because I just got stabbed in the throat with a needle 3 times, but that's cool. I liked it.

Which is to say I have thyroid nodules. I've known about them for a few years now--they discovered them on my first MRI. Yep, I was diagnosed with MS and then told I had nodules that might be cancerous, so that was a fun week. But they were not cancerous. Just nodules. No biggie. I get them ultrasounded every 6 months and am always told to just come in if anything changes.

Last week I noticed a big lump on my throat. Bryan said it was just my Adam's apple until I told him that women do not have Adam's apples. 


I should also say that someone left me a mean comment on my last post, something about how I need to call 1-800-hypochondria, which isn't even a clever diss since hypochondria is not 7 letters. They also said that too many high risk medical procedures can ruin my health and well being. Well. Being that I was called a hypochondriac for 15 years because I thought I had MS, only to be diagnosed with it years later, I did not like that comment. And colonoscopies are not unnecessary, particularly if you have a family history of colon cancer, which I do. They found a polyp and removed it. Win/win, FTW, WTF.

I deleted that comment.

So the lump in my neck scared me. But I was calm. I made an appointment. And Googled the hell out of thyroid lumps only to find that they are called goiters. Guys. I have a goiter. Is there an uglier word than goiter? Don't even with the moist. It's too easy to hate moist. Turd is bad, but not worse than goiter. I think the only word worse is anus. At least I don't have a goiter on my anus right next to the bunion that causes me gout. 

But I digress. Whatever you do, don't Google goiter. Because the internet is full of what-the-hell-is-happening-on-that-person's-neck. 

So rather than put pictures of goiters in this post, I am putting in photos of my family. Because that is why I am so afraid of goiters and colon cancer, of MS, of driving too fast and not chewing my food. These silly people who I come home to every day.
This is not a sad post. Or a depressing post. This is a post about how much I need to stay alive and healthy to be there for my family. 

It is also a post to say that I just had my appointment for my goiter, and the doctor ultrasounded it and said she is not worried that it is cancerous. Nevertheless, she did a fine needle aspiration and we will know in two weeks. However, she's not worried, so I'm not worried.

This is a post to tell you that I have a goiter, but it just looks like a small, off-center Adam's apple. I already knew I had balls, but now I also have an Adam's apple. 

But I also have this.
And this.
And because of that, I am the luckiest wobbly-walking, goiter-y swallowing, clean colon'ed non-hypochondriac woman who will keep pressing boobs, glands and buttons if that means I get to raise these big-eyed people well into their adulthood.

So there it is. I have a goiter. Just don't stare at it, thanks.

No, seriously. Don't look at it.


Kim Kirley said...

You should always check lumps in your neck! : ) xoxoxo

Maggie May said...

you are not a hypochondriac, that fucking pisses me off someone said that.

you have a cluster of issues that commonly go together with some deep seated imbalances in your body which often run in families. if you are interested at all i know quite a bit about all this mess due to my own years of illness, and there is so much you can do to not only feel better but prevent worse things down the road. maybe you already know all that in which case i'll just shut up and tell you i get it, and send love.

Petunia Face said...

Love you both!

And Maggie May--I would love to hear any advice/tips/info you've got for me!

Babylon said...

Whatever looks to a doctor as suspicious nodule is in most cases focal Hashimoto's thyroiditis and NOT a cancer!!!!!!!!!!!
BTW you may call it "madam's apple"(pardon the pun)

EC said...

So many people are convinced that all medicine is a scam and if everyone would just eat kale and exercise more we'd all be in perfect health. Whatever, they can pry my Humira shots from my cold, dead, arthritic hands. :)

Melissa said...

As a breast cancer survivor, I retain the right to worry about any and every health issue forever. My cancer is a part of my identity now. Not a day passed that I don't think about it.
You have every right to worry, you have earned it.

Nancy Fastenau said...

OK, not looking.

Petunia Face said...

Babylon--Madam's Apple is perhaps the best thing to come of this! I am totally using that. Love it. It's not Hashimoto's though, because my thyroid function is fine, it's just a structural issue (for now). I guess there is something called Multinodular Thyroid that is usually benign with unknown cause.

ED and Melissa, I am right there with you. I think that once you've faced one health crisis, you realize how paper thin we all are to the next one. I also retain the right to err on the side of too cautious when it comes to being my own healthcare advocate.

Nancy, now I want to send you a pic of a big old goiter. ;) Luckily, mine is small, and when the dr aspirated it, she took a lot of fluid out (gross! I know!) so it got smaller.

Babylon said...

So the nodules were fluid filled cysts! Colloid cysts are benign. Just in case they will try to grow again, the PEI procedure zaps them in most cases!(
Best wishes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mr. X said...

Can we refer to your goiter as your "G-spot"?

I thought goiter was related to Iodine deficiency? I don't consume shellfish, seaweed, or use iodized salt, so I take a Kelp/Iodine supplement.

Do you ingest any foods/supplements/salt with Iodine? If not, maybe look into whether or not that might be advisable. I can't imagine it would hurt, if taken at "reasonable" doses.

Apparently, Selenium might also play a part in goiter. You've already been to Google University, so you may have already seen the following resources. If not, maybe give them a quick scan.

An Up-to-Date Look at Goitrogenic Substances in Food

Busting The Goitrogen Myth

Cruciferous Vegetables and Hypothyroidism

Why You Should Eat Sulfur-Rich Vegetables

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this issue, but I'm happy to know there's nothing cancerous.

"Madam's Apple." That's gold.

Best wishes to you and your lovely family.


Mr. X

Unknown said...

I laugh out loud when I read your posts so please take the "Mean Girl" comment in context and know that your wry observations and wit are why we read your blog. Don't change your tone or your approach because of the opinion of one person. I appreciate your honest writing style and wish you good health.

Anonymous said...

Many moons ago, I had a goiter too! Back then I lived in a city far a way from an ocean and closer to mountains. Not enough iodine, I was told. Now I live close to the Pacific, there is iodine everywhere and what can I say: living close to the ocean keeps a goiter away!!! Eating lots of fish and natural iodine helps too!

That comment about you being a hypochondriac must have come from a man - women are usually far more passionate about these things.

"Madame's apple" is definitely a keeper!

Anonymous said...

"That comment about you being a hypochondriac must have come from a man - women are usually far more passionate about these things."

"Usually" does not mean "always."

kerwin said...

Now I am singing the Lunchlady song by Adam Sandler. If anyone can find a way to accessorize a Madame's apple, it's you.

Anonymous said...

ALL lumps, growths, etc, MUST BE evaluated, no matter HOW MANY one person can get.

F those who think otherwise and call people names. Jerks.

Elise said...

"...something about how I need to call 1-800-hypochondria, which isn't even a clever diss since hypochondria is not 7 letters."

Hilarious! I love your blog so much.