Sunday, June 23, 2013

Sunday Night BooHoos

Last week left me like this. A quality control fail. A lot bit off. (As opposed to a little.) It was the kind of week that left me limping, leading to a migraine on Saturday and to me buying a bottle of probiotic something called Colon Health on Sunday. Holy bifidobacterium, Batman. Pretty sure it came with a free subscription to AARP magazine and instant BFF-status with Jamie Lee Curtis.

But now it's Sunday night, and I am staring at a sippy cup someone left on the coffee table wondering if it's half full or half empty, or if it simply contains 50% of its capacity. Tomorrow is another day, and all that.

See also: why the fuck am I the only one who picks up the dirty sippy cups anyway?


Monday, June 17, 2013

This Is How You Win at Father's Day

One old white tee. A couple of fabric markers. Two matchbox cars driven by cute kids who adore their father.
Add in one tired dad who loves nothing more than lying down on the floor...

Best. Father's Day present. EVER.
(Got the idea from here.)

Happy Monday,

Sunday, June 16, 2013

Cool Hand Dad

To my dad, who does not wear ties or watch sports or barbecue (he keeps books in his oven, for god's sakes; I am pretty sure the pilot has been turned off for years).
You are so much cooler than I will ever be...
Thanks for my dark sense of humor, sweet tooth and wit. I am forever proud to be your daughter.

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Cognitive Dissonance*

(Mommy blog warning, bordering on Emo, not to be confused with Elmo...)
A week or so ago Zoey came home from school very upset, but did not want to tell me what happened. She said she had to write a book about it, so she did.
Chapter 1.
Chapter 2.
Let me translate the first grade-ese:
The worst things that ever happened to me. 
Once when I was in EDS a baby reindeer ran across me, it was scared because someone was (???) it. I felt like I was going to cry. It was a baby reindeer. Two girls were chasing it trying to touch it but if they touched it its mom would smell you on it and not take care of it.

Spoiler alert: Apparently the baby deer got into the schoolyard and was all panicked, running itself into the chain link fence over and over and you're probably wondering why you're reading this.

I don't know what to tell you.

I don't know why anything and kind of feel like Zoey in that I don't want to talk about it. Maybe I also need to write a book about it. I mean, just the image of a deer young enough to still have spots bashing itself against a chain link fence makes me feel as if I've swallowed a loaf of dry bread.

A week or so ago my mom had internal radiation which I'm pretty sure they did in medieval times seeing as how the procedure consisted of doctors driving 24 thin metal rods into her vaginal walls and filling them with radioactive beads, the whole thing nailed to a mesh contraption to "keep it in place." So yeah, I thought of that baby deer bashing itself into the fence as I held my mom's hand. Have you ever seen your mom in excruciating pain? Writhing, lips shaking, she weighs maybe 100 lbs. No matter what anyone did, no one could show the baby deer where the gate was.

This is why I haven't blogged for awhile. Because everything is so freaking beautiful and sad and I am so goddamn lucky. It's summer and I should be posting more shit like this.
Frozen Sprite Gummy Bear popsicles. I'm totally making these this weekend.


*The discomfort experienced when simultaneously holding two or more conflicting ideas, beliefs, values or emotional reactions. In a state of dissonance, people may sometimes feel "disequilibrium": frustration, hunger, dread, guilt, anger, embarrassment, anxiety, etc.