Cognitive Dissonance*

(Mommy blog warning, bordering on Emo, not to be confused with Elmo...)

A week or so ago Zoey came home from school very upset, but did not want to tell me what happened. She said she had to write a book about it, so she did.

Chapter 1.

Chapter 2.

Let me translate the first grade-ese:

The worst things that ever happened to me. 

Once when I was in EDS a baby reindeer ran across me, it was scared because someone was (???) it. I felt like I was going to cry. It was a baby reindeer. Two girls were chasing it trying to touch it but if they touched it its mom would smell you on it and not take care of it.

Spoiler alert: Apparently the baby deer got into the schoolyard and was all panicked, running itself into the chain link fence over and over and you're probably wondering why you're reading this.

I don't know what to tell you.

I don't know why anything and kind of feel like Zoey in that I don't want to talk about it. Maybe I also need to write a book about it. I mean, just the image of a deer young enough to still have spots bashing itself against a chain link fence makes me feel as if I've swallowed a loaf of dry bread.

A week or so ago my mom had internal radiation which I'm pretty sure they did in medieval times seeing as how the procedure consisted of doctors driving 24 thin metal rods into her vaginal walls and filling them with radioactive beads, the whole thing nailed to a mesh contraption to "keep it in place." So yeah, I thought of that baby deer bashing itself into the fence as I held my mom's hand. Have you ever seen your mom in excruciating pain? Writhing, lips shaking, she weighs maybe 100 lbs. No matter what anyone did, no one could show the baby deer where the gate was.

This is why I haven't blogged for awhile. Because everything is so freaking beautiful and sad and I am so goddamn lucky. It's summer and I should be posting more shit like this.

Frozen Sprite Gummy Bear popsicles. I'm totally making these this weekend.

xo,
S

*The discomfort experienced when simultaneously holding two or more conflicting ideas, beliefs, values or emotional reactions. In a state of dissonance, people may sometimes feel "disequilibrium": frustration, hunger, dread, guilt, anger, embarrassment, anxiety, etc.