Thursday, June 25, 2015

:O :O :O :O :O :O :O :O :O :O :O :O :O :O :O

I have not been here much because I have been everywhere: the pool, park, home, lather, rinse, repeat. Which reminds me! Today I got my first real haircut! I feel like I should have gotten a keepsake photo and a lock of my hair in a baggie to put in my baby (immune system) book. I didn't, though, as the hair that was cut fell down my smock looking more like pubes than cute. 
I am grasping for time. Gasping/grasping, time/air, same diff. 

When I was in Israel feeling super sorry for myself and very far away, I found a beach house to rent for a week. I needed something to look forward to, an "after" that looked nothing like what was then my "now." I knew I couldn't go anywhere truly tropical with a new immune system, so I rented a house in Stinson, a beach town just 30 minutes away from home. It felt so distantly future then, the reservation booked for the week before I had to go back to work, and now that after is here. Happily. We leave for Stinson tomorrow. I just had my first haircut. Time is funny, both ha ha and strange.

And then there is this. Yesterday I had another appointment with my nutritionist. For one hour we talked about my bowel movements. Shooting the shit, I guess, though I had to work hard at keeping a straight face when it came to description. I settled for not looking her in the eye. For one hour. You'd be surprised how much there is to talk about poop. But this...this is my new normal. It happens.

And I am grasping at it. Gasping. All of it. Fresh pears and berries, the smell of chlorine, little bodies wrapped tight in towels, my hair that looks like pubes, the kids fighting over ownership of tiny plastic crap, my crap, afternoons at the library followed by Slurpees and family movie night.

Which sometimes means we watch a movie, but more often than not means Zoey makes a movie starring her brother. I mean, COME ON

Inhaling deeply and swallowing hard. Gulp.



Anonymous said...

I really wish I could choose "random-ass annoying commenter" as a profile option. (Weeeird emotiji ) anyway.... you're gonna get through this shitload (hehehe.shit) and soon this will all just be a funny memory. P.S., have a safe trip.

Anonymous said...

P.P.S., (hehe, pee..okay, I'm done) I am currently stuck in commute traffic on a full bladder. Just thought I'd mention that for no particular reason. (Frantic emotiji )

Mr. X said...

"Shooting the shit..." C'est magnifique!

Back in 2006, I bought Paul Chek's book "How to Eat, Move and Be Healthy!" It was the first time that Number Two became my #1 focus.

The Poopie Policeman and Poopie Line-Up

Much later, I heard about herbal colon cleansers, coffee enemas (à la Gerson Therapy), and the beloved "Squatty Potty." I still can't believe people would pay $25 (and up!) for a small stool. It's totally tantalizing toilet technology.

Anyway, you may hate all of this in the beginning, but you'll love it in the end.

Finally, don't forget the wise advice of Lawrence in Office Space.

Have a great getaway!


Mr. X

Mr. X said...

More importantly, please tell Zoey "GREAT JOB!" on the Super Oz movie trailer! Very nicely done.

I'll reveal a secret...I have a few pair of the following:

Men's Star Boxer Briefs

When out in public, no one knows the mysterious power of my underwear. It allows me to perform super-human feats.

Nancy Fastenau said...

I always knew Ozzy was a star and Zoey was the magnificent creator! Great job in entertaining the family and all of us.
Let us know when the full length feature comes out!

Love, Nancy