Sunday, February 2, 2014

Public Service Announcement

Whatever you do, don't buy a bikini wax from Living Social at a place you've never heard of, particularly if that place turns out to be in a strip mall next door to Domino's Pizza. Then? If the lady makes you wait for 35 minutes even though you made an appointment? Don't act as if you're even mildly inconvenienced, seeing as how this is the same person who will be applying hot wax to your lady garden in about 5 minutes.

But wait, there's more.

If that same lady asks you if you want it all off and you say no, but at the exact moment you say no she answers her cell phone, maybe you shouldn't let her start slathering said hot wax on your bits while she has her phone still cradled with one shoulder. Chances are, she is not listening to you. These chances go up if she drops her cell phone on your vagina and picks it up and carries on her conversation as if you are simply a table, albeit a sticky one.

Too much?

Lastly: if at some point she asks you to flip over and you don't want to appear prudish or dumb so you do it, well then. I have nothing more to say about that.

The good news (I am nothing if not an optimist) is that I no longer want to get a hairless cat because, ew. Also? This gif has nothing to do with this story except for the fact that you're going to have to trust me when I say you really don't want a pertinent photo. Plus, I just freaking adore me some pissed off Joan Crawford (she is my spirit animal).


Anonymous said...

Holy crumbs. As an esthetician and a fellow human I have to agree that this is all manner of wrong. I'm so sorry.
~ second comment of the night from old neighbor k

Bearden 365 said...

That entire story is hysterically horrifying!

Petunia Face said...

The best part is that in my traumatized, shamed, tail-between-my-naked-just-get-me-out-of-here state, I tipped her $20 (there was no way I could ask for change).

Gretchen said...

I wonder if the person on the other end knew the sudden clunk muffle muffle was a waxy downtown? That's actually kind of a good euphemism for lady garden. Clunk-muffle-muffle.

Anonymous said...

Wouldn't that clip make a great ring tone!!

Love it!

Buff said...

Totally selfish of me to say, but i miss your posts. Have just washed every piece of bedding, clothing, fabric, etc... in my F'ing house. Lice! My only salvation has been reading your blog from the beginning forward. God bless you for your humor and your unique perspective on the world!

Dee said...

You poor thing. I can't believe that woman was that unprofessional. I do love that animated pic, though. Now, the words...Wire Hangers!... will probably be in my head for a little while, though... lol.

Karl Hungus said...

This story could be the basis for a movie: