Tuesday, February 18, 2014

7 Truths and 1 Lie

Quick! I have 30 minutes to write a post before I have to jump in the shower to rinse #6N Brilliant Brunette out of my hair before it turns into more of a #6AhHellNo. Trouble is, I got nothing. Just a couple of gray hairs that glint just so in the bathroom mirror at work and a handful of weird facts that don't fit anywhere else, so here goes:

1. There is a genetic mutation called Alexandria's Genesis that causes deep purple eyes, pale skin and no body hair, although it does not affect the hair on your head or eyelashes/eyebrows. Women with this mutation do not menstruate, but are still fertile. (In other words: no shaving, no period, purple eyes = why can't I have this mutation?)
2.  Semordnilap is a word that, when spelled backwards, creates a new word such as stressed/desserts, regal/lager, deliver/reviled. It is also "palindromes" backward. This makes for fascinating small talk, trust.
3. If you ever doubt camaraderie amongst strangers, watch a line of cars band together to prevent an asshole from cutting in line.
4. Freshly shaved legs feel just like dolphins.
5. There should be a gym that makes you pay $10 for every day that you don't go. That's not really a fact, but a free idea.
6. One time, Woody Harrelson came up to me at McDonald's, took a french fry off my tray, looked me in the eye and said, "Nobody will ever believe you."
7. The only place you can tickle yourself is by using your tongue on the roof of your mouth. (Double dog dare you to try it.)
8. The only thing more ignored than the allergy test instructions on hair dye is the warning label on cookie dough.
Oops, it's been 35 minutes.
Adios, bitchachos.


Allison C said...

#7? I really don't know! I randomly came across your update on your site, even though I check my feedly obsessively. I was pretty excited.

Anonymous said...

#5 exists - an app called "GymPact" You make a financial commitment at the beginning of the week that you will go x times in the week. If you don't, the money is not only taken from you, but it is also given to people that DO make their gym commitment. It's genius! You make money for going to the gym and lose money for not going.

kerwin said...

The Woody Harrelson one has to be a lie because NO ONE (not you, not Woody) actually goes INSIDE a McDonald's, do they?

Walter Sobchak said...

#6 has also been attributed to Bill Murray.

Petunia Face said...

The fact that #5 exists makes me punch the air that I didn't think of it first.

And I WISH #6 were true, even more so if it were Bill Murray. But no, that's a lie. Although I *have* gone inside a McDonald's, though only when I'm on a road trip and need to stretch my legs.

Anonymous said...

You're hilarious. Love it.
Your Hardcore Lurker

Anonymous said...

#1 is sort of the Twilight mutation. Dreamy!
#6 would be amazing, more so with Bill Murray. And worth going into a McDonald's for.

~ Ye Olde Neighbor Kirsten

Anonymous said...

#1 is a lie as well? It's a fake mutation for fictitious writing... also biologically impossible to be human, not menstruate and still magically be fertile..... for a brief moment I thought therefore #6 was true... so how many lies were there again?