Gimme Gimme

I think I may have given up. That is: once upon a time I yearned for high heels. Strappy numbers in gold. Now I want these sensible shoes, something I can really rock the shit out of at the grocery store:Clean up on aisle pretty please. Size 8. Black. Just sayin'. Actually, you know what? Forget it. I can't wait for someone to buy these for me for Christmas. Purchasing...now.

Then there's this beanie. Don't even. I know it has a pom pom, I SEE the pom pom. It is yellow, yes, the pom pom is yellow which makes it a yellow pom pom and still I want it.
Also? This flannel nightshirt from Little Larry Bean. Size large, monogrammed, traditional 3 letter style with last initial in the middle: SMC. Let's see: Uggs, a pom pom beanie and large monogrammed flannel L.L.Bean pj's...I'm painting quite the sexy picture of myself aren't I?Yeah baby. Well then, let's kick this up a notch. Because I also want these Super Skinny Sparkle Jeans (take it from me--the pic doesn't do the sparkle justice). They're only $36.95, but the problem is they're from the kids section at Gap. Yeah. I bought them for Zoey and feel downright covetous whenever she wears them. So here's my question: I'm a fairly medium-thin (albeit flabby thin) woman. Think I can fit into a girl's size 16? 18? Truth: on a scale from one to fucking pathetic, how bad would it be for me to wear sparkley black jeans from the kids section at Gap? Really fucking sad? Well what if I wore them with a yellow pom pom beanie? Oh stop.
Also at the top of my Xmas list is a Kindle Fire. Like seriously at the top. I want it like the pre-2008 me wanted stuff. Get it? Because pre-2008 me didn't know that the economy could/would crash and that materials goods meant nothing. I wanted shit more then, like I thought it all mattered. That's how much I want the Kindle Fire. I think it matters even though I know it doesn't which makes no sense but neither does the fact that The Gap doesn't sell those goddamn Super Skinny Sparkle Jeans in grown woman sizes.

So that's what I want for Christmas. In case you were wondering. What I want now on a Tuesday night wearing my ratty flannel nightshirt with the monogrammed initials SJC, that's how old it is. My maiden name, and I got married 6 years ago. Gimme Gimme please. And you?