6 Signs of the Apocalypse, i.e. Happy Tuesday!

As we were driving back from the beach on Sunday I said something about all of the dead trees. Dutch Elm or Live Oak, something: the rolling hills of West Marin were dotted with the brittle skeletons of dead trees. It's a sign that the end of world is coming, Bryan said, and then I fell asleep, not so much because I am indifferent to the impending death of our planet, more so because there is something about a hot car on a windy road, salt air and the sound of an open window that seriously knocks me the shit out.

Anyway, since then I've noticed that he might be right. The dead trees are almost certainly a harbinger of the Apocalypse because every where I turn I see more and more signs.

Because you have to know that this world will not go down quietly. First maybe it will be heard in word captures. Sented Diarrhea? Does this happen to anyone but me? I mean, not the diarrhea part, although woosh! That time I went to India was a story. No, I mean the word capture. What does this mean? The supposed randomness of these words. Surely it means something???

And then there is this:

Somebody's high school senior portrait, which really wouldn't alarm me if I hadn't just watched three back to back episodes of 16 and Pregnant. Watch that and then try and tell me the world is not ending. (Sarah Palin--I blame YOU for this one.)

Other signs? These No-Eye Contact glasses, and the fact that I did not think of them first. I thought it was enough that I have a bitchin' Cloak of Invisibility I like to wear when I see someone I used to work with at the supermarket. But no, I think I might also need these glasses. Just to be safe. And because they would look awesome with my Cloak.

And then there's this:

And the fact that I laughed. C'mon, you know you did, too. All of this social networking, web 2.0, 3.5 and onward, the world getting smaller and cozier and still people cannot spell the word "congratulations"???

And while this last one seems as if it would signal imminent global death, a swift death knell to the nuts of The Big Blue Marble...

I take small solace in the fact that the marketing department opted not to name it c*nt. Instead they chose Pussy, the softer, gentler shock value. This here is a new energy drink made of white grape juice, Mexican lime, lightly carbonated water and infused with lychee and grenadilla. Hate to say it, but that sounds tasty. I am thirsty here as I type this, trying very very very hard not to make some really base jokes about Pussy. Feel free to go at it in the comments section. Moderations are off--what do I care? The world is ending anyway. Congradulations, my friends, and see you on the other side (of Tuesday).

xoxo,

S