Wednesday, December 31, 2008

The Year of Shit and Shiva

Poor 2008. Poor sad, dark, dismal Twilight-riddled, Heath Ledger-dying, Mariah Carey-marrying 2008. If it wasn't for bad news, it wouldn't have had no news at all. For one, 2008's approval ratings are waaaay down. For many, it will go down as the worst year in recent history. Why, most of us gave up on 2008 months ago. We have been holed up in bed waiting, just waiting, for the arbitrary drop of a ball to symbolize a fresh start, hope, a light at the end of the tunnel that has yet to be turned off due to budget cuts.

I was 2008's bitch. Two lay offs, major panic attacks, watching a close friend battle cancer, deleting my blog, losing my savings, my mind. I would very much like to portray 2008 as the one-dimensional villian dressed all in black, but I can't. I won't. That wouldn't be fair to the job I did find (even if I was laid off again 3 months later). It wouldn't be fair to my proverbial bootstraps which are now creased, the leather worn soft with me pulling. It wouldn't be fair to my friend who eventually beat her cancer. It wouldn't be fair to a thousand different small moments of perfection, to Zoey's chiclet teeth laughing, to friends, to family, to chocolate covered pretzels, to Obama, to me, to you. Because there is no such thing as a one-dimensional villian, a boogeyman that exists out of sheer evil. The boogeyman you learn from is the same ugly monster dripping with snot as the one you don't: it's up to you if you actually learn.

Now I am not really a New Years Resolution type of girl. I can count the number of times I've been to a gym on my fingers. But this day needs something, call it what you will. This end, this beginning, this arbitrary countdown to the unknown. And so I say to the Year that Was: fuck you. But most of all, thank you. For teaching me that expendable income, make that any income, is not what life's all about. For teaching me that I am rich in so many different, non-monetary ways. For giving me so much and taking relatively little. Thank you.
Now scram, git outta' here. Kisses at midnight (but don't drink and drive). Cheers to the Year that Will Be!
Peace out,


Ana said...

you sound better on this post! Does this mean you are feeling better and we will be seeing you tonight?


Paloma said...

I can so relate to you, S. I also left two jobs, but unlike you, I left willingly because I felt unfulfilled. However, my soul-searching came with a whopping side of "What the hell have I done?!" as people all around me were getting laid off. I also went through my savings and spent so much of the year in introspection, but for that I am thankful. Despite the growing pains, 2008 was a year of tremendous growth for me. I learned my limits. I learned to take risks and to cut toxic people out of my life. I learned that it's okay to search for something greater even if you're scared shitless along the journey.

You are such an amazing and talented person, Susannah. I wish and hope that 2009 is a wonderful year for you and your family. XOXO

Misplaced Country Girl said...

I love the saying on that first picture. I think that is going to be my mantra for the new year. I hope this is a new year filled with nothing but good things for you. You deserve it!

Tess said...

Man, when I was thinking about how fucking depressing my post was today, I thought to myself SUSANNAH HAD BETTER FUCKING POST TODAY OR I'LL KILL MYSELF.

We will totally be those "happier, richer, thinner" bitches next year. It's a mathematical certainty.

Happy New Year, my friend.

Jen said...

Happy new year, my friend. Here's to a bigger and better 2009! Cheers, or as my people say, L'Chaim!

The Lil Bee said...

Happy new year, my sweet Susannah! Thank you so much for this cozy, honest, hysterical, and true place that I've come to know and love. You've taught me a thing or two, and I'm excited to see what 2009 will bring us both. x's and o's.

Richie Designs said...

belated merry. And here is to a fantabulous 2009. Jobs for all of us and a steady paycheck to match.

Vanessa said...

2008 was pretty crappy, I agree. But it sure as hell made the good things shine brighter. Here's to a happy New Year to you and your family!

JackeeG4glamorous said...

Here's to 2009! Although I dread years that are "odd" numbered - for some strange and superstitious reason. I will 2009 to be a better year for you. I will it.

ummmphf. (jus willin)

Erin said...

Well said, my friend. Happy New Year! xoxo

Chessa! said...

I love reading your blog precisely bc of posts like these. amazing. thanks for the inspiration and for keeping it real.
here's hoping for a great 2009...I mean, it can't get any worse right? ;-)

zakary said...

Happy New Year to you!

It's gonna be fabulous, I can feel it.


Anonymous said...

I'm not ready to forgive 2008 yet! I know i'm not ready to take any crap from this year though. Happy New Year to you and your family.

Chris said...

Like you, I lost a job this year (after 18 yrs - company bankrupt) and felt so much of myself drifting away as the job did.
I needed this post of yours today more than ever before - thank you from a fellow traveller.

Kat said...

wow. I guess in comparison, I had a good year. All the best to you.

Anonymous said...

Everything will be okay in the end.
If it's not okay, it's not the end.

That's the saying I will choose to think about during hard times this next year.