The Original Petunia Face
September 2, 2007 ~ June 6, 2008
R. I. P.
So... did you hear the one about that girl who deleted her own blog? She was trying to clean up the clutter of unused email accounts by deleting them, so concerned was she of debris in the double u, double u, double u? I mean, polar bears are facing extinction, drowning in the quickly rising Arctic sea. The girl thought to herself, hey, self, yes, I drive an SUV and yes I shop at The Gap and no, I do not bring canvas bags to the grocery store. But you know what I can do to help the environment, self? I can toss out my old email accounts! Because surely susannahclay AT gmail.com has a Shaq-sized carbon footprint! Surely that is a good idea, a little spring cleaning on a Friday night.
HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!
Oh, what a weekend it was. I very nearly divorced my husband when, in the midst of my head spinning around over deleting my own blog he had the gall to suggest we watch a movie. SEMI-PRO? YOU WANT ME TO WATCH WILL FARRELL PLAY BASKETBALL WHEN I CAN BE SITTING ALONE AT THIS COMPUTER WEEPING WHILE I TRY TO REACH THE UNREACHABLE? WHILE I STALK THE INAPPROPRIATELY NAMED HELP DESKS AT GOOGLE AND BLOGGER? HELP ME, HELP ME, HELP ME! THERE IS NO EMOTICON FOR WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE FUCKING HELP ME?! Will Ferrell is funny, but he's not that funny.
And Google and Blogger have still not gotten back to me. It's their fault. I mean, sure I guess technically I'm the one that hit delete without reading that boring little paragraph explaining what exactly would be deleted. But come on. I LOVE THROWING THINGS AWAY! Torn open envelopes, receipts, stray socks, soy sauce packets in the kitchen drawer. These things, if you let them they will weigh you down in a choke hold of toomuch-edness. At least that's what I used to think. But I've learned my lesson now and I am never throwing away another thing again. I plan on setting up hundreds of unused email accounts just in case; I will suscribe to the newspaper and buy dog food in bulk even though we don't have a dog and this will be my house in no time at all:
So here we go, Petunia Face Redux. New and Not Necessarily Improved. In fact, loosely stitched together with the stuffing poking out like a sigh.
See, while I did not have the good sense to back up my blog on an outside server (because that would have taken an ounce of forethought and I had my forethought circumcised ages ago), I did have all of my posts emailed to me. You know, on one of my other email accounts. One that I blessedly did not delete. So I have been painstakingly unearthing each post and cutting and pasting them onto this new blog. I have to re-format each one and find the photos again. Typos remain incorrect and any additions I later made are gone. If I have linked to something, sometimes it sticks, sometimes it doesn't. And I have lost all comments forever. All networks I had, connections, nominations, blog rolls I was included on, comments, accolades, hate mail, it's all gone. Poof! Like an unclaimed fart that doesn't stink. Petunia Face the OG might as well have never happened at all.
And that is my story. A cautionary tale of a Virgo gone awry. Of a consumer who sobs when she thinks of a polar bear frantically doggie paddling to an iceberg drifting miles away. Of a lover of words who throws away bank statements yet keeps her 5lb. Norton Anthologies of English Literature from college. Of a woman who was once a girl with the Face of a Petunia who has now become a sequel knowing full well that sequels never sell.
Slightly Abashed Plea: If you have me on your blog roll, on your Google reader or some other type of feed, please oh please correct it with this new address. Because right now? A whopping 7 people on my Site Meter. This for a blog from a woman who hits refresh on her Site Meter at least a dozen times every hour. Refresh, refresh, refresh... I'm obsessed. Please help me get the word out there. Even if the word is that I am the moron who deleted my own freaking blog.