Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Hi y'all. It's Bee! Do you like my sparkly disco pants? Take a Cheez Doodle and pass around the bag. We're going to be here for a while.
So, last week, your friend and mine, little miss Petunia Face, asked me to tickle the ivories on my PowerBook G4 and serenade you with some words of wisdom. I was BEYOND honored, but I hadn't a clue as to what I was to offer. How could I deign to share space with such a master of the blogosphere? Someone who conducts exorcisms to rid themselves of the evil spirits of jobs past? Someone who so effortlessly weaves in prose about Tara Reid's pre-lipo abs with Jocelyn Wildenstein's feline-y face. Someone who, just like that!, slays you with a beautiful thought about her darling bebe.
I was dumbfounded.
Where would I begin? I felt so, "I'm Veronica Corningstone. Tits McGee is on vacation" and shiz.
And then it hit me. The reason I come here in the first place, the reason I adore mama Susannah so much, is that she just puts it all out there. Every day. She inspires me to push the limits and be just as weird and strange and silly as I want to be. And so, in a nod to Susannah's trip down the California coast, I will share with you a little story about my own California adventure.
A few years ago, when I first started dating P, I quit my job and the two of us hopped in a Jeep Wrangler with our chocolate lab, Reggie, and drove out to San Diego—which, of course, in German, means "a whale's vagina."
We took our time navigating across the country, stopping at every Subway and Bob's Big Boy along the way. It was Paul's idea to do a picture-a-day project, and when we got home we gave each other photo albums with our favorite pix. I peppered mine with snippets from my journal. Here's one I thought you might enjoy:
"Today I ate a hot dog, a chocolate chip cookie, a Dove ice cream bar, and like 1000 carbs. Nasty. But delish. And so fun. It looks like I squirted some ketchup and mustard on the windshield, but really those are just dried bug guts. Bug condiments. They are everywhere. My nose is dry, my back is sore, and a tumbleweed just crossed the highway. Reggie needs my attention now. He has apparently caught some trout on the ride out and is sharing the aroma with us. When he breaths, it smells like a toilet."
Oh, Susannah! No, don't you cry for me. For I know you will have your own ups and downs and laughs and tears throughout this trip. And I know I speak for all of us when I say that I CAN'T WAIT to hear all about 'em. Every last one! Until then, we shall wait patiently for your return.
Signing off now. Stay classy, San Diego!
Posted by dee at 5:35 AM