Friday, July 16, 2010

Ghosts in My Machine

Let's just say that I die this weekend. Hypothetically speaking. Like maybe I sneeze while taking out the garbage which startles a nearby hive and I am attacked by 417 angry wasps. Or I choke on a piece of mint in my iced tea. Could totally happen. I could be dead by Monday.So let's just say that I do die and my family has to settle my affairs which basically means they have to take over my car payments and cash out the $26 balance on my Paypal account. Nothing big seeing as how I just finished the dishes and the laundry, how I scrubbed the floor with my latest Virgo fixation the Magic Eraser. ("In life she lived pretty clean" is one possible epitaph.)But what about the Other Me? The Me that exists in email addresses, on Facebook, on this blog, the me that gets Viagra spam, my passwords so slapdash that even I can't remember what is uppercase and what is numeric? The me that is not so clean?
I couldn't help but think of what my legacy might be this morning as I glanced through the random photos I have saved on my computer for who knows what reason. What sort of story will I tell through dusty 140 character updates? Who was that woman whose hard drive was heavy with--WTF Is That Anyway?
So I guess what I'm saying is that I'm sorry. Dad, Andy, Bryan, Zoey, Derek & Diana (I am not apologizing to my mom because whatever she has in her bedside table drawer is no doubt 1,000 times more scandalous and probably still alive.) I am sorry, don't quite know what else there is to say. Yes, I was your daughter, sister, wife, mother who didn't dare drink the milk a day past its expiration. But I am also this: a woman who for some reason cannot bring herself to delete this photo of a bejeweled phallus from her computer.In Memorium. Or not. I mean, I probably won't die this weekend but it's nice to know that if I did my family would not be so surprised at what they might find. (Just don't look in the old traincase in the bottom of my closet.)



Only A Girl said...


Darcey said...

I can so appreciate this post!

Sparkie said...

Okay, thanks for reminding me that I have more than $26 in my PayPal account just sitting there.
B. You have a Twitter account?
3. I think you have a built-in slide show for your funeral from the pictures on this blog alone. You want 'em rolling in the aisles, right?
D. Chew your food carefully and look both ways before you cross for a looooooong time, ok?

My captcha was "ruebut". Does that mean something under these circs? ;-)

Unknown said...

But have you seen this....
and if you have not you really must.

shannon said...

I have always wondered where oh where you find all the crazy images and videos you post. They are seriously some of the weirdest things I have ever seen. How do you do it? I have the impression that it's somehow effortless for you, or maybe you're just really good at the internet.

krista said...

two things:
1. your nom de plume should be 'bejeweled phallus'
2. your resume should have on it that you are, in fact, "good at the internet"
(and thank you to shannon for pointing that out. because you are and it's the best way to say it. EVER.)

Richie Designs said...

so should we call it a peejazzled?

Sarahviz said...

It totally makes sense that the pubes are shaved. Those stickers must hurt coming off.