Two Things

Thing One: Apparently I am big in Japan (a claim I make only because I am fairly certain it would be difficult to verify). See lately I've been getting an onslaught of comments in Japanese. Like this: 復活、スタービーチ！日本最大の友達探しサイトがついに復活、進化を遂げた新生スタビをやってみません. And then I go to one of those translation sites and it says this: "Recently I am having difficulty lonely. Going along with a remarkable lonely..neighbour to go to bed at night alone I go to bed and is not there the male who it takes the trouble to do? An/the appearance or, especially I do not worry about it. That will warm up with a/the futon together one large welcome ☆ that is gentle and take the trouble to be together." And then I think that maybe I am not such a good writer after all, because that? I think we can all agree that right there is some genius Thomas Pynchon shit.*

Thing One, appendix 1a: Recently it has come to my attention that I have been a bad friend of the blogosphere. And when I say it has been called to my attention I mean pretty much nothing by it, i.e. I am probably the only one who's noticed. Here's the thing: I now commute to the city via bus, a 40 minute ride for which I bought an iphone with the express purpose of doing my blog rounds, personal emails, time suckage/dry humping the www/blah di blah while en route. What I have found, however, is that buses are wont to stop a lot, start, float over lanes, lurch. Buses have the nerve to turn corners, and without fail a few minutes into my commute I feel like this:
On my first day I sat in the front row and asked the driver if maybe he could not ride the brakes so much? Which did not go over well as I have found there are unspoken rules of commuting. Such as no talking. No coffee. No puking. No eye contact. No change for a twenty and no telling the bus driver which route would be best when the bridge is backed up onto Beach Street. And so I have come up with an alternative method which includes me hunched forward over my iphone with my hair falling down over each side of my face creating blinders so I lose some sense of motion at least, and then I cruise the internet. Thing is I have not found a way to comment on your blogs without feeling that forboding cold ring around my lips, without saliva collecting in my mouth like a promise, and so I don't so much. And I am sorry. I miss you. Send scopolomine.

Thing One, appendix 2b: Happy birthday Jenny! Please make loud, slightly dirty love to your husband tonight because he is adorable. Seriously. The backstory here is that Jenny's husband emailed I-don't-know-how-many bloggers and asked us to give his girl a Casey Kasem shout-out on her birthday. In his email he even called her his girl which pretty much made me pee rainbows. If you don't know Jenny from My Favorite and My Best you simply must go visit not only to wish her a happy happy but also because her blog is above and beyond funny. And I totally would've said that even if it wasn't her birthday but it is, so, yeah. Happiest of birthdays to you :)

Thing Two: Here is a dramatic reenactment of what Zoey and I are doing today:

Q: How fucking awesome are we?

A: Pretty fucking awesome.

Today Zoey and I are flying down to LA to visit my brother and his wife and to take Zoey to Disneyland again. Gratis. My brother asked if maybe Zoey would like this as her Christmas present and I made the executive decision of hell-to-the-princess-dress-yes. And so we are off for three days and will try our very bestest to look as groovy as these ladies.

xoxo,
S

*Seriously Japanese Reader, knock that shit off. I suspect you're spam and so I will not be publishing your comments ever. Except here. Where I made fun of you and did not include that web link you attached. Fucker. The end.