Sunday, December 6, 2009

Two Things

Thing One: Apparently I am big in Japan (a claim I make only because I am fairly certain it would be difficult to verify). See lately I've been getting an onslaught of comments in Japanese. Like this: 復活、スタービーチ!日本最大の友達探しサイトがついに復活、進化を遂げた新生スタビをやってみません. And then I go to one of those translation sites and it says this: "Recently I am having difficulty lonely. Going along with a remarkable lonely..neighbour to go to bed at night alone I go to bed and is not there the male who it takes the trouble to do? An/the appearance or, especially I do not worry about it. That will warm up with a/the futon together one large welcome ☆ that is gentle and take the trouble to be together." And then I think that maybe I am not such a good writer after all, because that? I think we can all agree that right there is some genius Thomas Pynchon shit.*

Thing One, appendix 1a: Recently it has come to my attention that I have been a bad friend of the blogosphere. And when I say it has been called to my attention I mean pretty much nothing by it, i.e. I am probably the only one who's noticed. Here's the thing: I now commute to the city via bus, a 40 minute ride for which I bought an iphone with the express purpose of doing my blog rounds, personal emails, time suckage/dry humping the www/blah di blah while en route. What I have found, however, is that buses are wont to stop a lot, start, float over lanes, lurch. Buses have the nerve to turn corners, and without fail a few minutes into my commute I feel like this:
On my first day I sat in the front row and asked the driver if maybe he could not ride the brakes so much? Which did not go over well as I have found there are unspoken rules of commuting. Such as no talking. No coffee. No puking. No eye contact. No change for a twenty and no telling the bus driver which route would be best when the bridge is backed up onto Beach Street. And so I have come up with an alternative method which includes me hunched forward over my iphone with my hair falling down over each side of my face creating blinders so I lose some sense of motion at least, and then I cruise the internet. Thing is I have not found a way to comment on your blogs without feeling that forboding cold ring around my lips, without saliva collecting in my mouth like a promise, and so I don't so much. And I am sorry. I miss you. Send scopolomine.

Thing One, appendix 2b: Happy birthday Jenny! Please make loud, slightly dirty love to your husband tonight because he is adorable. Seriously. The backstory here is that Jenny's husband emailed I-don't-know-how-many bloggers and asked us to give his girl a Casey Kasem shout-out on her birthday. In his email he even called her his girl which pretty much made me pee rainbows. If you don't know Jenny from My Favorite and My Best you simply must go visit not only to wish her a happy happy but also because her blog is above and beyond funny. And I totally would've said that even if it wasn't her birthday but it is, so, yeah. Happiest of birthdays to you :)

Thing Two: Here is a dramatic reenactment of what Zoey and I are doing today:
Q: How fucking awesome are we?
A: Pretty fucking awesome.

Today Zoey and I are flying down to LA to visit my brother and his wife and to take Zoey to Disneyland again. Gratis. My brother asked if maybe Zoey would like this as her Christmas present and I made the executive decision of hell-to-the-princess-dress-yes. And so we are off for three days and will try our very bestest to look as groovy as these ladies.


*Seriously Japanese Reader, knock that shit off. I suspect you're spam and so I will not be publishing your comments ever. Except here. Where I made fun of you and did not include that web link you attached. Fucker. The end.


Duel Living said...

Konichiwa...just kidding! Have fun on your trip! Planes don't bounce and turn corners quite as peruse the internet at will!

Janet said...

oops, sent that to early...have fun at the happiest place on earth.

Janet said...

I received some of the japanese spam too...arrgghh.

Visual Vamp said...

I get Russian viagra comments all the time AND Japanese love notes too.
Travel safe!
And how fun to be at Jenny's party with you!
xo xo

krista said...

well well well. one of these days, once i've invested in year round passes to the enchanted kingdom, we will have to coordinate running into each other in front of 'it's a small world' just so we can blog about the irony. and the fact that it wouldn't be ironic at all.

Simply Mel said...

Just the thought of 'peeing rainbows' makes me giddy as can be!

Lucky Zoey, Disneyland twice in one year! You are one hellavu a mama!

Misplaced Country Girl said...

I love any post that ends with "fucker". Talk about making someone pee rainbows!

Hope you have at Disneyland with Miss Zoey!

meinkc said...

Have the most awesomest time ever!!

p.s. Tom Waits's birthday is tomorrow. He's big in Japan too. :)

Richie Designs said...

"pee rainbows" best line of the month - hands down.

I feel bad you flew down here because it's raining like a mo-fo right now. that makes even the happiest place on earth well...miserable

wish we could meet up for a coffee but princess dresses are calling I'm sure.

have a blast

Richie Designs said...

"pee rainbows" best line of the month - hands down.

I feel bad you flew down here because it's raining like a mo-fo right now. that makes even the happiest place on earth well...miserable

wish we could meet up for a coffee but princess dresses are calling I'm sure.

have a blast

my favorite and my best said...

talk about peeing rainbows. yesterday that's just about all i did. i pee'd rainbows, shat unicorns and dry humped jesus. all in all it was the most awesome birthday ever and i have you to thank for it. srsly. i will never forget it and thank you for making my birthday the best birthday ever.

Vanessa said...

I have Disney envy...
But have fun anyway :-)

Robin said...

pretty fucking awesome, indeed

Anonymous said...

Susannah!! it rained cats and dogs yesterday! literally i ran around all day rescuing st. bernards, calicos, dalmatians, and tabby's falling from the sky. i want you to have proper princess weather. we never get rain so i LOVE it. but at least it makes the lines much shorter at the magical kingdom. enjoy!
xo, katie

Amber aka: AmBam, Amborghini, Ambular, BerBer, and Bambi said...

I've been reading your blog for awhile now but never left a comment...just wanted you to know I LOVE everything you write :)

Anonymous said...

Did I miss a post? Did you get a job? Confused about the commuting part.

Petunia Face said...

Hi all,

Thanks for your happy travels. Just got back from LA two seconds ago--Zo is already zonked out in her bed wearing a Sleeping Beauty wig that looks more like Kim Zolciak. A joy to travel with, btw...

Anon--I did get a job! Yayyayayaay! The post should only be a week or so back. I'd link it here but I really must go wash the Disney off me.

Amber aka...--thank you bajillions. I will most definitely check out your blog tomorrow. After I've slept.

Thank you thank you all,

R said...

Perhaps the Japanese adoration has something to do with the photo on your sidebar!

Kristin said...

Hey I just found your blog through Jenny's and you are one funny chick. I swear I check hers about 5 times per day (I am bored at work) and now I am so happy to have found another to make me laugh, and pee rainbows... here's mine, I'm the new kid can I sit at your lunch table?

Petunia Face said...

You guys are so awesome. No worries on the rain as we outsmarted the gods by going to Disneyland on Sunday and then again on Tuesday before flying home Tuesday night. During the storm on Monday we went and saw The Fantastic Mr. Fox and then hunted for Real Housewives at South Coast Plaza. Good times!!!