Thursday, August 20, 2009

Gimme Gimme (With a Side Order of Fur)

What I want for my birthday.
by Susannah Clay Lastnamehere, age 36 and 355/365ths

These Kate Spade sunglasses.Here's the thing: I wear glasses. Which means that when I spend a buttload on sunglasses I need to spend yet another buttload on getting prescription lenses put in. I am just as cheap as I am vain, however, so I wear my sunglasses for years on end; my current pair has scratches on the lower lefthand side, hence the world at large as been marred in the life of yours truly. Which leads me to What I Want Item #2:

2. LASIK. A few years ago I made an appointment. Then I chickened out and cancelled. Then I made another appointment. And cancelled. Before I was last laid off I was planning on ACTUALLY GOING THROUGH WITH IT and I swear on all that is visionary that I am ready to have my corneas lasered off and repositioned. If given extreme amounts of Xanax first, of course. So, sure, a gift certificate to have LASIK surgery, with maybe those sunglasses above just so's I have something to unwrap?

3. A BMW 5 Series Wagon.I realize that this is not my Super Sweet 16, that my dress is not pink sparkley and The Jonas Brothers will not be playing at my party because for one, there is no party and no dress. I also realize that right about now there is an Anonymous person sitting at her computer, finger poised on the comment button. R U kidding me? UR so entitled. UR the reason our economy crashed!! Obama is a socialist and I am not paying my tax $$$ 2 buy U a BMW. Stop whining woe is me!!! And to that Anonymous person I say this: it's my birthday and I can wish if I want to. Because $130 sunglasses? LASIK? A BMW? Nobody is going to buy me these things but a girl/woman/37 year old can dream. And then post. Plus, a 16 year old totally wouldn't want a station wagon, fer fuck's sake.

Which leads me to!

4. Barbarella. For one day I would like to be Barbarella. And not one of these sad little waning days that are getting shorter, darker, cooler. No, I want to be Barbarella on a long summer day waxing, all big hair and sex machine on some sort of faux fur backdrop that most likely smells like ass but who cares I'm Barbarella.

5. Which lo and behold leads me to this!
No, not the empty spotted shadow of a dalmation, or even a dalmation itself. I just included this picture because I thought it was cool and the website on which I found the PERFECT RED TRENCH COAT WITH FAUX LEOPARD FUR LINING won't let me right click the image. So go here if you want to see the most perfectest sexiest please someone I want this coat ever. I mean, how kookookachoo would this coat look with those sunglasses above?

So that's that. What a 36 and 355/365th woman wants, aside from world peace, the end of AIDS, a cure for all cancers and maybe a gift certificate to Anthropologie. Barring any of these, I will take a hug.

Currently I'm working on a happy birthday giveaway--more on that next week!



Brandi at Duel Living said...

HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY ON YOUR SPECIAL DAY!!! The sunglasses are mad dope and hella crunk! LOL. I wear glasses and I am also extremely cheap, so I just buy really really big sunglasses and wear them over my regular glasses. I am a really really big loser...but oh well. Happy B-day! I hope you get something good.

Jen said...

Amen, sister. Wish away!

Petunia Face said...

Brandi, wait! Thank you oodles for the birthday wishes but it's not my b'day yet. Not 'til August 30th. No, this was just my post to kick off the high holy days :)

Jessie said...

I wish I could buy you all of these things because I would. (What can I say? I like to give gifts.)

AND I'm also glad I'm not the only one who says/types/uses kookoocachoo as an adjective to be incorporated into everyday life. Or at least on special occasions, of which this is one.


krista said...

yeah, well i only want world peace for my birthday.
damn it. even blogger doesn't believe me.

Sarah - La Jeune Marie said...

Happy (almost) birthday!

Elizabeth Joy said...

LOVE that trench coat. (Especially love how the pics show the mannequin flashing the camera, complete with blurred genitalia.)

I'm as broke as you are, or I'd buy you (and me) the coat. When I re-hit the bestseller lists? The coat is yours. But, until then, **hug**

Happy ten-days-till-birthday...

Petunia Face said...

Elizabeth Joy--I didn't even notice the blurred mannequin genitals! That is too awesome. Along with the trench coat, I would also like my genitals blurred from here on out.

Thank you everyone for wishing you could buy me these goods. If it's the thought that counts, then I hit the motherload:)


ModernMommaBlog said...

I'm going to be 35 (OMG!) in December. I've never been hurt by a birthday before, but this one may hurt a little. I better get my wish list together, too!

ModernSophist said...

I have to wonder if Barbarella has some self-conscious issue with her body like many other women have expressed. Maybe she hates the back of her arms or something. Can't you just see it, standing in front of a reflective sheet of future-steel, turning side to side, trying to fix her gaze on exactly what's wrong with the back of her arms?

Robin said...

Great list. Happy Birthday (soon)! I also made appointments for LASIK and chickened out, twice (including once when I worked for a company who would pay for it, sigh) but the third time was the charm, I had it done in July and it was so easy. I can't believe how scared I was. And I see 20/15 now.

Texas Ghostrider said...

I am glad you gave the heads up, barbarella. I need to go count my change and see what I can get you. Happy early Birthday!

Sharon, The Queen Blogger said...

Happy Birthday Lovie! I don't think you're being selfish at all. Because why should you have to waste your birthday wish on the whole world. That should be done by someone who already has perfect vision and a Germain engineered driving machine.

Erin said...

Would we look ridiculous doing a Mall Crawl with matching Kate Spade sunglasses? Those are too cute! (Not that either of us can afford them.) I will show up on your birthday with a BIG hug... and the desire to buy you lasik and a BMW! xo

Rolerkite said...

forget Barbarella, I just want her boobies

lasik eye surgery canada said...

Happy Birthday...wish you everything you want.
Your daughter very cute.