Monday, November 10, 2008

Rest Stop: Closed for Winter

Let me save you the trouble: if you're looking for an epiphany, a direction for your life maybe, a small sign if epiphany comes off as too weighty, you're not going to find it by driving to San Diego. Or back again. Because it would seem that the flat ribbon of Interstate 5 is not the Road Less Traveled of which the ubiquitous Oprah Aha! Moment is made. Believe me, I tried. Really, I did. Give me a sign, I whispered to the steering wheel while Bryan and Zoey slept in the backseat, two identical jaws slack wide open, mouths dry and silent. Pssst! Come on. Anything. Pea Soup Andersons whipped by me. An Oldsmobile with a RETIRED sticker. Harris Ranch and the stench of a thousand cows.

But there was nothing but a semi beside me and a bag of Doritos in my lap. What does it all mean? I thought later as Zoey watched The Little Mermaid for the jigabillionth time in a row. I don't know when... I don't know how... but I know something's starting right now. Watch and you'll see... Somebody I'll be... Part of your world! You know you're in bad shape when you find yourself wringing meaning from a Disney princess cum mermaid who doesn't even know the word for legs and then goes and gets herself married at sixteen. Bah! Why I hear even Disney is laying off its work force.
Today I emailed out maybe a dozen resumes. Hit SEND and off they went into the void of maybe. Tomorrow I will email out a dozen more. Need a PhD? Dude! I can totally do that! CPA? LINUX developer? HVAAC repairs? MSW, DDS, AIA, LMNOP? I like titles in BOLD! I can DO titles in BOLD! ME! PICK ME! Always the girl raising her hand, the annoying one who couldn't stand it when other kids stuttered while reading outloud. uh, uuh, uuuunnn... UNEMPLOYED! UNEMPLOYED! THE WORD IS UNEMPLOYED! And then the teacher would give me a stern look and I knew, just knew, that I would not be called on then. That my arm would grow achy raised up high overhead.
But I'm still sitting here. Sure my head has dropped to my desk and my eyes are closed, but my hand is up, one arm supporting the other. Me, me. Pick me. I have no freaking idea which exit to take but I'm still pretty sure I know the answer.


Anonymous said...

I am so excited to see what turns up for you...whatever you decide that you`ll do it well. Your writing is the best and I really enjoy reading your posts....Thanks :)

monkey said...

i grew up in orange county and went to college in northern california. i know the 5 well.
and i learned one thing.
any road in which you pass a restaurant famous for pea soup lacks any real meaning.
just my theory.

mamacita said...

GOD, I hate that part of the job search -- when you're sending off resumes into the abyss. I remember applying for so many jobs that I was totally qualified for -- I was the perfect person for -- and nothing. No word at all. It sucks ass.

Just a question: do you use LinkedIn?

Petunia Face said...

I am on LinkedIn but am embarrassed to say I don't really get it. I just keep accepting people's invitations for a connection because, I don't know--it's what all the young people are doing? Like breakdancing and making Amish bread. I just don't get it. (Don't even ask me about Facebook. I'm telling you--it's a real miracle a Luddite like me has a blog.)

Aartee said...

oh I know it sucks right now but things will get better right? Loved the guest posts last week but glad to have you back!

beachbungalow8 said...

oh...harris ranch. that stench is enough to make you never eat meat again.

JackeeG4glamorous said...

Welcome Home, my condolences.

And, knock knock, anyone there behind the screen???? When are you going to write and sell something you write? I know it doesn't pay the mortgage right now, but aside from all the searching and interviewing, can you start writing a small article or book or something? I swear - I have total faith in you. I am an reader of MagniFiCent Proportions, and I would/do read anything you wrtie. Not your grocery lists, nor your Christmas card salutations, just write a little every day.

I harp on you don't I? I know, I get it. But the job market is slow, and your writing is superb and I don't think you really know it. Really. Deep down.
Go for it.

barbjensen said...

Yup, what jackeeg4glamourous said. Your writing is terrific. Would it be too crass to 'monetize' your blog? Like sell ads, use adwords or something?
I'll bet your grocery lists are actually pretty interesting.