Depends

The below photo is not, I repeat NOT a photo of me wearing diapers. Nor is it a photo of my sister-in-law Morgan wearing diapers. Instead it is a photo of a complete stranger wearing a diaper which in some ways makes the whole thing even creepier. However, the below post IS written by my sister-in-law Morgan. And in the post she does use diapers, as do I. Adding further to said creepy peepee factor...

Depends on who you’ll hear this story from to get to know exactly what went down and how and whose brilliant idea it was for me to pee in a Zoey’s baby diapers (yes diapers plural) on the limo van on the way up to my wedding. Because the thing is, Susannah told us, as guest bloggers that we couldn’t embarrass her too much. My intention here is not to embarrass Susannah but rather share with the www that I think my sister-in-law is the coolest. And if peeing in diapers is cool, (and it is) then we are the coolest gals I know. Thus begins my story…

I believe it was during the wedding rehearsal up at the ranch that everyone started joking about how I would have to pee while saying my wedding vows. See, I have a terrible problem with dehydration. I can go an entire day without a drink of water. It’s bad for me, I know. My bridesmaids are my best friends and they know that I have a huge problem with not drinking enough water. So ALL day long they were giving me water bottle after water bottle after water bottle. It got to the point where I was having to pee every 10 minutes. The other problem I have is that I get so busy that if I do have to go, I don’t. I seem to have been blessed with largest bladder ever. A gene I am hoping to pass onto my kids.

So there we were, all of the families together, all of the bridesmaids and groomsmen together up at the wedding rehearsal and my father-in-law makes a joke about everyone giving me so much water that I will need to wear an astronaut diaper under my dress, like that crazy lady who tried to kidnap here ex-boyfriend and drove cross-country in a diaper. It was funny but what I never saw coming was that the next day I would actually be peeing in Zoey’s spare diapers.

My wedding day was a flurry of activity and water bottles. Before I knew it me and my bridesmaids, my best friends and my new sister-in-law were all crammed in our limo van driving from Santa Monica to the mountains of Malibu in rush hour traffic to get to the wedding site. We weren't even halfway there and traffic was at a dead stop. I still had to do my hair and makeup so you can imagine the panic. There was no time to pull over to go to the bathroom. But I had to GO. Bad. Sunny, one of my bridesmaids is in a band--she practically lives in a van. She’s been on the road so she suggested I pee in a Snapple Bottle. Of course that requires tons of skill, the aim of a sharp-shooter cooter, a skill that I just don’t have. Sunny’s perfected the peeing in the Snapple bottle in a moving vehicle, but she’s had lots of practice and it being my first time, I knew it would be a disaster.

Then my lovely sister-in-law pulls out Zoey’s spare diaper and says I can pee in it. I really didn’t know what to think. I was picturing myself trying to fit into the diaper, taping it around me waist, Elmo in the front, but then Susannah began to tell me the logistics of how to pee into a diaper. Apparently she'd done it before while staying at friend's house in San Diego. She told us how she woke up in the morning having to pee really bad but that the bathroom was occupado. Rather than wait, she grabbed one of Zoey's diapers and peed into it there in the spare bedroom. Which left me thinking about all the times she had stayed with us...

See, you don’t actually put the diaper on, you just hold it against yourself and pee into it. And so there in the limo I crouched in the back and peed into a diaper. First one and when that wasn't enough I asked Susannah for another. And so it was that on my wedding day my new sister in law gave me her daughter's last spare diaper and I peed and peed and beside us on the Pacific Coast Highway someone spotted Jay Mohr and Nikki Cox in the Escalade next to us, dead stopped in traffic, and I peed into the Pampers and thanked god for tinted windows as we all tried to see if Nikki Cox's lips were surgically enhanced. (They were). And I did. I peed and became part of the Petunia Face family. The End.