Tuesday, August 5, 2008

What Matters Most (Is Not This, But Still)

The philosophy of materialism holds that the only thing that can be truly proven to exist is matter. Fundamentally, all things are composed of material and all phenomena (including consciousness) are the result of material interactions; therefore, matter is the only substance.

In 25 days I turn 36. I am hoping you are some sort of dyslexic and read that as in 36 days I turn 25. Some say (namely my husband) that 36 marks the official start of the upper thirties. And yet when I close my eyes I am still 20, funny ideas and worry, false bravado and idealistic love. When I close my eyes I am energy, forces, I look smashing in a bikini. When I close my eyes I am the curvature of space.

Philosophers have long suggested that the concept of “matter” is elusive and poorly-defined. With 25 days until my birthday may I suggest what matters now is this:
You thought I was going all Marxist on you, didn't you? Well ol' Karl didn't have this beautifully whimsical laminated tray to ruminate over while formulating dialectical materialism. Or maybe he did and that was the basis of his preoccupation with class struggle? No matter. Or too much matter. What is matter? What matters here is that I want this tray for me birthday.
Speaking of class struggle, I'd also like this French Industrial Coffee Table (because yes, I am STILL searching to replace my world's ugliest version).
And lest you think that at 35 and 11/12 I am selfish I also want this for Zoey's room:

How beautiful is this Spanish handpainted headboard? Each morning it greets you with a Buenas Dias and I want a "good day" for my girl.

And above her bed I'd like to hang this flock of swallows mobile (no bad haircut here):

Science has provided substantial evidence against the existence of a physical flow of time. All motion is relative, and if there is no absolute and well-defined state of rest, how do we know at what speed we flow?

Admittedly I am no scientist, but here is my Theory of the Existence of Material Spatial and Special Relativity As It Pertains to Self (academic paper currently underway). E=MC WE ARE OUR SHIT. Shirts and shoes, houses, lip glosses, hose guides, Buddha statues, the whole lot. At 25 I was an Isuzu Trooper and a babydoll dress. Who will I be at 36? And here my Theory segueways into Relative Determinism. Because Mom, Dad? Bryan? Andy? In Laws? Zoey, you get in here, too. In buying my birthday presents you can determine who I will be at 36. The above items, well, those are just some suggestions.

Now if you will excuse me now I am going to close my eyes and stand on a beach in a bikini, the curvature of space hugging my pre-baby hips and thighs...


jozette said...

HAHAHAA! Here's hoping you get great things for your birthday.

And I love that coffee table.

Rosalie said...

LORD! I can't believe that flock of swallows mobile is from Roost. Roost has a monopoly on all things cool and groovy. They are starting to bug me.

hej said...

Okay. Let's see .... one wierd goose tray at $175, one butt-ugly coffee table (French industrial? What's the industry here?) with wheels for stubbing toes at $549, one beautiful hand painted headboard inspiring Zoey's crayon contribution to its beauty at $749, albino swallows on a string at $140. Total, $1613.

Mmmm. I close my eyes and see the curvature of bikinis. In 27 days, I will be 66 and dyslexia doesn't help, no matter which way you cut it.

~M said...

Love your post. Does this mean your Dad is going to buy Zoey that headboard? That's not really a birthday present for you, though!

Dianne said...

I hope you get it all!!!!!

The Lil Bee said...

This, my friend, is one of your best posts yet. I SO sooo get you. In my head, I'm still 23 with no responsibilities and all the time in the world. And though everyone says your 30s are better (and, admittedly, it's way more fun to have some money and be more confident and secure), I can't believe how quickly the time went, and how much I miss being at happy hour at my college bar.

Are the 40s gonna come this quickly?

If so, I expect to be defined by Balenciaga, summer homes, and happiness. Oh, and a little Petunia Face of my own:)

Visual Vamp said...

Hang on girls, 36 is younger than you think at this moment. I'd love to be 36 again! Inverted ages are good for awhile, until the inverse number is way bigger. What a fucking joke age is. Really, you must laugh. Anyhoo, I love your birthday gift registry, and I hope you get some fab presents!

Sweetest Petula said...

we may be the same person. my Mom called me "sweet petula"..hence the name of my business. And...I just turned 36 25 days ago!

well, not really, it was June 25th..but it makes the story better!

when will I not feel 20?

Mary Buek said...

In 32 days I'll be 58, the inverse of which I probably will not live to see. I still sometimes wonder who all these people are that surround me (husband, kids, grandkids) and where did they come from, because I'm only 18. Your gift registry is beautiful... I love the table, too. Come on, hej, pony up for the kid.

scarletvirago said...

I relate to this so well it's painful. Hope your birthday's not.

LiteralDan said...

Some might say you're dreaming, but I can tell you if I could bend time and space, I'd be somewhere when I could sleep 10 hours a day.

Jennifer said...

OMG! I WILL have that tray!!