What Matters Most (Is Not This, But Still)

The philosophy of materialism holds that the only thing that can be truly proven to exist is matter. Fundamentally, all things are composed of material and all phenomena (including consciousness) are the result of material interactions; therefore, matter is the only substance.

In 25 days I turn 36. I am hoping you are some sort of dyslexic and read that as in 36 days I turn 25. Some say (namely my husband) that 36 marks the official start of the upper thirties. And yet when I close my eyes I am still 20, funny ideas and worry, false bravado and idealistic love. When I close my eyes I am energy, forces, I look smashing in a bikini. When I close my eyes I am the curvature of space.

Philosophers have long suggested that the concept of “matter” is elusive and poorly-defined. With 25 days until my birthday may I suggest what matters now is this:

You thought I was going all Marxist on you, didn't you? Well ol' Karl didn't have this beautifully whimsical laminated tray to ruminate over while formulating dialectical materialism. Or maybe he did and that was the basis of his preoccupation with class struggle? No matter. Or too much matter. What is matter? What matters here is that I want this tray for me birthday.

Speaking of class struggle, I'd also like this French Industrial Coffee Table (because yes, I am STILL searching to replace my world's ugliest version).

And lest you think that at 35 and 11/12 I am selfish I also want this for Zoey's room:

How beautiful is this Spanish handpainted headboard? Each morning it greets you with a Buenas Dias and I want a "good day" for my girl.

And above her bed I'd like to hang this flock of swallows mobile (no bad haircut here):

Science has provided substantial evidence against the existence of a physical flow of time. All motion is relative, and if there is no absolute and well-defined state of rest, how do we know at what speed we flow?

Admittedly I am no scientist, but here is my Theory of the Existence of Material Spatial and Special Relativity As It Pertains to Self (academic paper currently underway). E=MC WE ARE OUR SHIT. Shirts and shoes, houses, lip glosses, hose guides, Buddha statues, the whole lot. At 25 I was an Isuzu Trooper and a babydoll dress. Who will I be at 36? And here my Theory segueways into Relative Determinism. Because Mom, Dad? Bryan? Andy? In Laws? Zoey, you get in here, too. In buying my birthday presents you can determine who I will be at 36. The above items, well, those are just some suggestions.

Now if you will excuse me now I am going to close my eyes and stand on a beach in a bikini, the curvature of space hugging my pre-baby hips and thighs...