Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Heads Up! (Sadly, Sans 7-Up)

I freaking cannot stand it when someone yells out Heads Up!* Because for some stupid ass reason I do the exact opposite of the perfectly helpful, perfectly benign suggestion and I look around and then up to see what it is I should be ducking from. Inevitably I get smacked in the face with a football or a tetherball (true story, and yes, it is possible) or some such ball nonsense.
That's me, there in the back with the glasses.
Most certainly this fear stems from the 3rd grade, from the yard-dutyless black top of Wade Thomas Elementary School. I can still remember the first instance when I took the heads up directive a little too literally. There I was innocently poking a stick into the burnt out trunk of a tree pretending to make acorn soup when some kid tossed out a heads up! and I got a face full of big red rubber playground ball. It hit me so hard that for the rest of the day I had to walk around with Rm. #4 smeared onto my cheek, such was the force of the smack that the sharpie printed room number was transferred onto my head as if I were made of silly putty.
All this just to give you a heads up! There will be no real post today because--THBONGK! Shit! Dude, sorry about that, you okay? Shake it off, shake it off... I am in a meeting at work today and having trouble juggling all of these balls in the air. Duck and cover, my friends, duck and cover. Today there is just no telling what might fall from the sky.
*As an aside: I also hate it when I am hiking. There. The sentence could very well end there because I am not much for sensible shoes but that would be a bit of a non sequitur. No, I hate it when I am hiking and some mountain biker comes up fast behind me dinging his little nancy boy bell and shouting, "On your right! On your right!" Because in that split second with that damn tinny bell dinging I can never figure out which was is my right and I kind of do a little hop back and forth, my sensible shoes turning up dust, wishing that I were in flip flops, anywhere but there on a dirty hot trail with an aluminum framed monster at my back.


benson said...

unfortunately I was born with the stress reliever of laughing..not a giggle, but a guffaw, when someone gets hit in the head with a ball or other such flying object. I cannot control myself.

jozette said...

i do the same thing!!! especially with the bikers. if they would just quietly whiz by me, there wouldn't be a problem. as soon as they scream "ON YOUR RIGHT" i freak out, and inevitably dodge in the wrong direction and then feel like an idiot. i pretty much walk in a straight line, so if you are on a bike and see me walking, chances are in the 2 seconds it will take you to pass me, i'm not going to jump in front of you. unless of course you scream at me while you are passing.

JackeeG4glamorous said...

No Dodge Ball here!

Few short weeks ago, there was no ball juggeling, no meetings, ahhhh, we are never really satisfied-and it's a damn good thing!

Oh Brother! said...

I too hate (HATE HATE HATE) "Heads up!" Perhaps it is genetic.

What is; "Heads up!" anyway?

1. "Heads Up!" - There's a ball flying towards your head and you should raise your head to either greet it or avoid it?

B. "Heads Up!" - There's a ball flying towards your head and you should duck, scurry and cover at all spastic costs?

I tend towards answer "B," if I'm honest.

And while "they" are at it, how 'bout giving us some USEFUL information, like, "Heads up, a big red ball is coming at you from behind... on your right, which is the "other" right." And how about "...And we're very sorry for this inconvenience," ahead of time (because we all know how this will end anyway).

Genetics or "nature v. nurture" (actually, let's blame our Dad, a little "Heads up" on the "Heads up" woulda been good), it's all up in the air any way.

As far as I'm concerned, once that dumb red ball let fly, it's all goes downward from there.

I'm with you on this one,

Your bro.

P.S. As other readers may have guessed, neither of us turned out to be pro athletes, but some us play them or direct them on TV.

bakingwithplath said...

Heads up totally does not make sense. For starters, I only have one head thank you very much. I'm not Ladon okay. And secondly, "heads up" is stupid in that it is the exact opposite of what they want you to do.

Black Hockey Jesus said...

That picture is funny as hell.

Thanks for stopping by.