I freaking cannot stand it when someone yells out Heads Up!* Because for some stupid ass reason I do the exact opposite of the perfectly helpful, perfectly benign suggestion and I look around and then up to see what it is I should be ducking from. Inevitably I get smacked in the face with a football or a tetherball (true story, and yes, it is possible) or some such ball nonsense.
That's me, there in the back with the glasses.
Most certainly this fear stems from the 3rd grade, from the yard-dutyless black top of Wade Thomas Elementary School. I can still remember the first instance when I took the heads up directive a little too literally. There I was innocently poking a stick into the burnt out trunk of a tree pretending to make acorn soup when some kid tossed out a heads up! and I got a face full of big red rubber playground ball. It hit me so hard that for the rest of the day I had to walk around with Rm. #4 smeared onto my cheek, such was the force of the smack that the sharpie printed room number was transferred onto my head as if I were made of silly putty. All this just to give you a heads up! There will be no real post today because--THBONGK! Shit! Dude, sorry about that, you okay? Shake it off, shake it off... I am in a meeting at work today and having trouble juggling all of these balls in the air. Duck and cover, my friends, duck and cover. Today there is just no telling what might fall from the sky. *As an aside: I also hate it when I am hiking. There. The sentence could very well end there because I am not much for sensible shoes but that would be a bit of a non sequitur. No, I hate it when I am hiking and some mountain biker comes up fast behind me dinging his little nancy boy bell and shouting, "On your right! On your right!" Because in that split second with that damn tinny bell dinging I can never figure out which was is my right and I kind of do a little hop back and forth, my sensible shoes turning up dust, wishing that I were in flip flops, anywhere but there on a dirty hot trail with an aluminum framed monster at my back.