We're Having a Heat Wave (A Tropical Heat Wave)

Current temperature here at Casa Petunia Face is a balmy 94 degrees. In the house. And because this is Northern California nobody has air conditioning. So here I am with all of the doors and windows open wearing a beach cover up without a bathing suit. I would be naked but sitting here at my laptop watching the sweat form in the creases of my stomach is just too much for even me to bear. There are bugs everywhere. Post-apocalyptic daddy-long-legs on the ceiling and a moth on the wall with a 3 inch wing span. I cannot help but think of Silence of the Lambs and I'm eating left-over three bean salad with favas to boot. It is too hot to post.

And yet here I am. A week ago Bryan caught a spider under one of Zoey's tupperware snack containers and it's still trapped there on the kitchen counter. He says it's his good luck charm, his pet. I taped a cartoon blurb coming out of the tupperware telling Bryan to kill me now. I just noticed the spider has woven a soft sac of what can only be babies stuck to the side. Nacho brought in another snake a month or so ago but somehow it escaped into a crack behind the bathroom sink. Every now and then we can hear Nacho pawing at the baseboards trying to get at it. One late night on the way to my 2 am pee I even almost bent down to pick up one of my black hair scrunchies in the hallway (yes, I admit I wear hair scrunchies but they are thin! And not at all 80's!) but just as my fingers grazed the scrunchie I realized it was the snake. I was too tired to do anything about it.

Al Gore could do a documentary about my house right now. An Inconvenient Heat Wave: What Global Warming Has Done to the Suburbs. Moms in muumuus wearing hair scrunchies because of the heat. I have just got to sell my SUV and buy a hybrid because next thing you know I'll be sporting a banana clip.

Happy Friday. Stay cool!