Sunday, July 19, 2009

Croc'ed

As if it's not enough that I told you I have a weak bladder. Or that I once pooped my pants in fear. I have told you about my panic attacks, zits, my social ineptitude, the fact that I watch 90210, the new one, (the original 90210 being slightly more understandable for a woman d'un certain âge). This morning I went to the dermatologist for a flaky area near my mouth that I thought for sure was skin cancer leading, undoubtedly, to a horribly courageous year left to live. Instead I was told I have dandruff of the face. *&6%@!^??? Is it even possible to be courageous about facial dandruff? I mean, who even gets facial dandruff, let alone tells you about it? The girl with incontinence and a blog, that's who has facial dandruff. I swear writing this is like a truth serum. Or perhaps there is a new technological Tourette's, one in which the seeming animosity of the internet makes one feel free to express one's innermost secrets, except of course EVERYONE WHO KNOWS ME READS MY BLOG; THUS THEY ALL NOW KNOW I NEED TO DO MY KEGELS. squeeze, hold, TOP O' THE MORNING, DAD!

Seriously, though, this time I need help. I think Crocs are cute. There, I said it. Because these?

Are kinda' cute, right? Yes? No? Should I shut up right now, me with the Selsun Blue face mask? Okay then, what about these, surely these?
Have I totally fucking lost it? Seriously--I need to know. Because for all I know I could be considering something along the lines of these monstrosities, all in the name of comfort and sensibility, i.e. bunions and corns:
Not my hairy legs. Not my veiny feet. Not my crime of fashion. Yet.
Dearest Reader, I don't ask you for much. I mean, other than asking you to read about my physiological maladies, innermost neuroses and sick sense of humor, all quite possibly related. So please, be honest: have I lost it? Or are those red Crocs actually pretty cute?

42 comments:

Scribe said...

I'm right there with ya Susannah, without the facial dandruff. I hate crocs, have sworn them off or anything with their name and I find myself quite drawn to both of them. Is there a discount for group therapy?

Randi Troxell said...

i'm having a total hard time deciding if you REALLY like those croc's or if you are being TOTALLY sarcastic... but does it matter... b/c i'm afraid i DO like them... Mmmmm...

wonderful home you have here hope you don't mind if i stay a while!!

Jessie said...

They're not totally hideous, but the fact that they are crocs makes them kind of undoable, y'know?

I will still love you if you buy them. :)

brandi said...

They are cute! But seriously...you can't listen to me...if you read my blog today...I am a fashion spatula...I have no authority to guide you...and I don't want to lead you down that dark and lonely pathway...p.s. I still wear Birkenstocks. Nuff said.

Cindy said...

I think they're kinda cute. Probably not so much once your feet started sweating. Can you get dandruff of the feet?

xo

I *Heart* You said...

ok - when i guest blogged for you i got raked ov er the coals for the possibility of buying crocs for my fat, pregnant feet. i didn't get them. i was afraid. but i did buy these. not that they are any less loserish but at least they are dr. scholls and he has a little cred, right?

http://www.drschollsshoes.com/Shopping/ProductDetails.aspx?p=EC1152800&pg=5092916

i have not taken them off since i bought them. they are the only shoe getting me through.

Simply Mel said...

I guess cute is an okay description, but it's still a croc!

By the way, no need to tag you with the Honest Scrap blog chain (annoying, aren't they?) that is going around, for you definitely win the award for being most honest and holding nothing back. A very admirable trait!

L said...

the red ones are cute, cute, cute!

oh, lord. i can't believe i just said that. i hate crocs. but those red ones are so cute. what is happening to me? what, i ask!

CUTE!

buy them. now.

with love from pittsburgh...

Oonafey said...

I think you've totally lost it. But then again, my version of comfy shoes is Chucks and Chucks alone. I have like ten pairs. So who's the crazy one now?

Richie Designs said...

I'll give you the thumbs up on number one.

I only have one question about croc's though...how does one not have the stinkiest feet known to man hanging out in plastic all day? my feet are sweating just thinking about it.

Robin said...

Ha! Well, I live in Colorado aka the land where Crocs were born and anyone and everyone wears than shamelessly, paired with shapeless wicking clothing and Fat Tire tee shirts. Myself not included, but only because I bought some only to find that my dog thought they were delicious and I am too lazy to buy more. It is worth noting that the only other items Tika (the dog) has eaten are Coach or kate spade. So maybe Crocs are cool and it took my sweet mutt to figure it out. Or maybe I am full of shit. But I adore you and your writing and your ailments and neuroses and won't love you less in Crocs. I promise.
xo
R

Anonymous said...

Oh, Susannah...I love your writing, you bring me to tears at my desk many days. But this. Oh honey, no. I don't know you well, but I'm confident in saying that you're WAY, way too cute to wear these. It would be a crime! Step away from the Crocs - leave the scaly skin to your face! At least there's a salve for that. Lyla

Tina said...

I don't think they are cute. But, I think that you are cute so maybe on you they would be cute. Actually no, they are just too ugly.

Anonymous said...

Had 'em in black and they make your feet sweat like nobody's business. I like originals better, because they're just meant to be sloppy. These are meant to be stylish and do not succeed.

Tracey said...

The red ones are cute.

Tracey said...

The red ones are cute! Of course I have silver crocs that match my April baby so I don't exactly have superb taste!!

Petunia Face said...

Well that's that. *sigh* I was never entirely sure about the black but the red ones--I DO think they're cute. But a girl who is not even a girl but a grown woman with facial dandruff cannot have sweaty stinky dorky feet, so no Crocs for me.

THAT is just one of those things that this www community is good for--saving each other from terrible fashion mistakes!

Thank you all,
xo,
S

Aunt_B said...

As a Croc hater, I have to admit that the red mary-janes are kinda cute. But don't pay money for them. Please. They look like blisters in the making.

Your facial dandruff reminds me of the Seinfield episode when George has to get the "discoloration" on his face looked at. "It's a tuma Jerry"...sorry, totally not laughing at your expense. :)

Kimberly said...

I think they're cute?
And FYI- this is speaking from experience: Crocs work well for people who have a hard time controlling their bladder.
Let's just say I thought I was squeezing to hold it, but squeezed out instead. The Crocs made for easy cleanup.

tiffany said...

They're cute (esp the red ones) but they're still crocs. Still rubber shoes. Still should only be worn around the house and in one's yard.

Simply Mel said...

Thankfully, I have to drive to Cici...walking distance would not be good!

mosey along said...

I vote no on the stinky-inducing crocs, cute and red or not.

A friend gave me her spare pair of brand new birkenstocks (long story - she bought a bunch of them on a whim at some sort of sidewalk sale without trying them on first...).

I love them. LOVE. They are deliciously comfortable. And look... they have red. Joy!

red delicious birkenstocks

Janet said...

Cute! (and comfortable). I even have a pair of the ugly ones.

Anonymous said...

Get the regular, ugly crocs with the holes in them. They're uber-comfy and intentionally dorky and with all the holes in them your feet don't even sweat. I have 3 pairs. Yes, I admit it. I wear them around the house and in the yard and I actually wear them out in public. But, I live in a beach town so pretty much anything is acceptable. ]
p.s. I love your blog. You have a great voice.

Carla said...

If YOU love them, who cares? Since when do other people's opinions determine what we should or should not want/need/buy/wear/eat etc? Maybe when you've gotten to be my age (let's just say i could be your "older" sister or aunt)you find what works and go with it. No apologies, no explanations. Besides, you're so cute you could rock a potato sack and tire treads!

Cindi said...

You certainly have your fair share of bodily problems for someone your age, so maybe you shouldn't add sweaty feet to them. Your sweetie may have loved you since you had mushroom hair, but don't push it. The crocs are not a good idea.

barb jensen said...

No! Not cute.
But you are.
:)

ModernMommaBlog said...

Just say NO. No crocs. No, no, no...

Aartee said...

not a huge fan of crocs but maybe you can make them look cute...

Anonymous said...

There is an article in Newsweek (the one that just came out today) about Crocs and those hideous shoes you posted. Check it out.

Erin said...

Whoa! I thought I had somehow gone to a different Petunia Face. Love the makeover!

Anyhoo, I actually think the red ones are pretty darn cute. Don't care for the black ones, but those red ones... yeah! But, still, I can't get over that they're Crocs. Crocs! so I really don't see it happening. Not for me, not for you.
xoxo

Rosalie said...

First--LOVE the makeover.
Second--Crocs. No. Never.
Third--Hi
That's all.
Rosalie

Anonymous said...

hello!?!? LOVING the new blog layout!!! amazing! great job!

ps...say no to plastic/rubber shoes.

Anonymous said...

I really like the red ones. I say go for it. What do you have to lose? Street cred?

Anyway, love the new layout. Gorgeous!

nicole said...

oh thank God you said it first, YES YES they are cute? alright, it's out there. thanks for taking the first step.

ohnomyboots said...

I'm doing pretty well in the fashion department, if I do say so myself, and I OWN 3 PAIRS OF CROCS. The prima, I think they're called (similar to the black ones) and I've got em in hot pink, scarlet, and plum. And I'm not being delusional regarding the me-as-fashion-plate thing- I work in the apparel industry, used to be a manager at Anthropologie, live in Manhattan, blah blah blah. I love them, they're comfortable,washable (mine get thrown in with my laundry), and they're pretty adorable with cuffed dark wash jeans and a little summer dress. Get them. You will be happy.

Amber said...

Any possible cuteness is undone by their Croc-ness.

Be strong! Don't do it!

melissa said...

a croc is a croc
you see,
no matter what color
or shape, ya
feel me?

however, they might work well for your husband's new plastic obsession. at least that'll be a fine excuse to buy a pair.

In red.

Up Mama's Wall said...

The red ones ARE cute. I have a pair of the little Mary Jane ones and can I just say --SWEATY FEET. Considering your new facial malady, I really don't think you can afford sweaty feet at this time.
P.S. My kids wear Crocs. Is that child abuse?

Robin said...

Ha! I'm a little late to the picnic but I just posted about the mary janes last night. I am not a fan of crocs but am a fan of mary janes so I am torn. I'm sure reason will win out.

Love the new design BTW

krista said...

well, i'm back from my vacation and i see you have fallen prey to the new croc aesthetic. don't worry, you won't be lonely. i have the mary janes in peacock blue and i wear them when i work with my chef friend and when i take the baby for a walk to get coffee. my back no longer hurts and they match my summer dresses in a real cute way. i, too, have fallen prey. well done, crocs, well done.

Clementine said...

I own thee pairs of the top kind. 2 black, 1 brown. I wear them every week at my hellish waitressing job. I'm on my feet and in motion in an un-airconditioned restaurant for 7-8 hours at a stretch. And then I come home, strip off my clothes, keep the crocs on, and get in the shower to clean the sweat-and-dirt crud off my feet. But they're the most comfortable shoe I've tried for the most uncomfortable job in the world.

Plus, occasionally I get compliments on them. Really.

But you probably shouldn't listen to me. I wear a lot of polartec fleece.