Monday, March 30, 2009

Using The Force

Zoey had her first date on Friday. And by first date I mean the first time she got nudey in a plastic pool with a boy and then let him buy her a slice of cheese pizza. We still have some work to do on the order of things...
Here she is regaling her date Liam by coquettishly covering her nose with her fingertips while simultaneously trying to pick a booger and make a funny face. (That is totally how I seduced her father, by the way.)
Please note: the Dora fiesta frock, aka her lucky dress.
Later she watched Liam poop in the potty (which is totally how her father seduced me way back when). Even though Liam's mommy had to help him with the wiping, Zoey was still adequately charmed by his potty prowess and soon, she, too, wanted to impress with her mad bathroom skillz. After she went pee pee on the big girl toilet, Liam was chivalrous enough to give her a potty sticker. Unfortunately, Liam was plum out of ballerina princess fairy pink stickers, and opted instead to peel off the most girlie thing he could find in his Star Wars Sticker Book:
Sadly, Zoey refused to put the sticker on her fiesta dress, or even on the back of her hand. She looked at it and then at me like a teenage girl at prom whose date has gotten her a cheap carnation corsage. What the feck am I supposed to do with this? she seemed to be saying, and I, ever the couples counselor, told her to stick it to her sippy cup. Which is basically my advice to any couple for any problem. Ever. You're welcome.
And then it was the end of the evening, the part where Liam and Zoey awkwardly said their goodbyes in the parking lot while holding their mother's hands, because those are the rules when in a parking lot on a date: you hold your mother's hand. And the mothers--we said our goodbyes over their heads, secretly planning the wedding of our children, a wedding with a Star Wars Goes to the Ballet as a Pink Winged Fairy Princess Secret Jedi Warrior theme, the party favors delicate pastel jordan almonds gathered in tulle fastened with a miniature light saber and one very crafty Jedi mind trick the likes of which Martha Stewart has never seen.
Zoey and Liam: I dream that one day in a galaxy far, far (far!) away they will create their own babies, a super human race of ridiculously long-eyelashed people. If for nothing else then because I really like Liam's parents, but mainly because everyone deserves a partner who offers you a sticker when you go pee in the big girl potty.

19 comments:

Jessie said...

This is fecking adorable.

(the 'feck' reminded me so much of karey m - or maybe more appropriately of little meme.)

BUT, tell Zo'ster that I say congrats on the nuptials, and also to make sure she registers for Star Wars bedsheets so that she won't have to splurge on them herself someday. (A very useful piece of advice my mother shared with me before I married G.)

Your Ill-fitting Overcoat said...

Liam is cuuuuuuuuuute*! And those names! Best Named Couple in History!

* inappro?

Vanessa said...

Ah, young love. I think it's sad, though, that little Zoey is doing better with the boys than I am. No one give me stickers... What's her secret? The Dora dress? I need her advice.

Petunia Face said...

Yes, Vanessa, you need yourself a Dora fiesta frock, stat. And practice the coquetish nose picking in the mirror, to make sure you have it down right.

Ana said...

I too pray for nuptials. "Liam, isn't Zoey beautiful?"..."Liam, lets have a playdate with Zoey"..."Yo, Bubba, check out Zoey's dress".

I am working on it sistah! Oh, and I do tell all the girls to scram...he is taken!

Sarah Danielle: Jeune Marie said...

Zoey & Liam sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes love, then comes marriage and then comes pooping in the big girl potty! (Couldn't resist... honestly.)

I *Heart* You said...

this is hilarious. i had a friend like this and we went to school all the way through college together. it was awesome when mom's would visit and remind us in mixed company that we used to take baths together. nice. look was z & l have to look forward to!

Katie said...

SO CUTE!!!!

{lovely little things} said...

Haha too funny, what a memorable first date, and a nifty sticker to bring it all back

Sharon, The Queen Blogger said...

I was trying to figure out what me and the hubby can do on our next date. THANKS for the great ideas!

Richie Designs said...

awesome.

let me get through this week of hell and we'll chat about ad space ;)

Erin said...

As the mother of a boy who has bathed with Zoey once or twice, I am supremely offended that you have promised her hand to someone else. ;-)

Robin said...

Zoey is taken? I was hoping Micah might sweep her off her feet one day, as they would also have crazy beautiful long eyelashed babies. Liam is adorable, so I am not too dissapointed ;)

krista said...

if zoey decided she likes girls, i'll totally set her up with finn.
unless of course finn doesn't like girls and then it wouldn't work.
but, if by some chance, our girls like girls, maybe they'll like the girls in each other.
whoa.
this just got weird.

hey, look over there. light sabers.

Petunia Face said...

Krista--doh! I can't believe I just ASSUMED Zoey is straight. If she's not and Finn is also gay they can totally be girlfriends, or hopefully, by that time--wives :)

Erin--gah. I am so sorry. What can I say? My daughter apparently bathes with many boys.

Patois said...

Oh, you crack me up! Thank you for this.

Misplaced Country Girl said...

I wish my mother had arranged a marriage for me at a young age. That would have saved me so many headaches! I think it's just fantastic that you are thinking about her future. I'm loving the coquetish nose picking. If it works for Zoey then must work for me. Excuse me while I go practice.

the sweet life with olives said...

so cute... honestly adorable. love your writing you manage to turn seemingly small everyday things into cliff hangers of laughter and reflection. i really love your blog, it's the cherry on top of my morning coffee... way better than a newspaper! way to go for the nacho donation button, with your talent you deserve it. now... you have to decide on an us weekly fitting superstar couple name combo for zoey and liam. Zoiam...? Liz? Liy?

The Lil Bee said...

I am totally wishing I had themed my own wedding as such! She really does look like a big girl on a big girl date here. I love how she's coquettishly trying to pick a boogie though. Genius!