Friday, October 24, 2008

Because Non Causa Pro Causa, That's Why

I have prayed for the light to change, for sun. I have prayed for a zit to clear up, for sick friends and family. I have prayed for money. Basically my prayers read like a letter to Santa and in times of need I have not let my lack of a clear faith hinder me from asking. Please please please please. Gimme gimme gimme gimme. I want, I need, if this, then that. When desperate I have been known to bargain. And usually, after the event, when the zit goes away or the sun beats down, even if it rains, I usually forget about the deal I made. The next day I will eat a bowl of ice cream and run yellow lights; I will pick at my skin and not call my mother back. Of this I am not proud. If this, then that. When I snap my fingers no tigers appear. Again I snap my fingers and still no tigers. And yet after the snap I rarely pause to kiss my fingertips.
I made a deal yesterday that if by some divine intervention my blog was fixed I would embrace the karmic innovation of the Universe and wear the patented Camel Toe Cup. You’d think that God or whomever would be more interested in healing the sick, but who am I to question? I snapped my fingers and still no tigers because apparently the Universe craves camels. And so here I am once again appearing on Google Reader, Bloglines, on RSS feeds everywhere. Lo! The Heavens parted! Let there be Lips!

You’re just going to have to trust me that this photo is yours truly. Because no matter now hard I pleaded, Bryan just would not take a photo that included my head. I mean, there I was doing my Jazzercise routine in our living room last night, the perfect opportunity for me to make good on the deal I made with the Blogiverse. Grapevine left! Grapevine left! Chassé! Chassé! Clearly Bryan was dazzled by the sparkle of my elastic unitard suspenders because he didn’t take one photo that included my face.
Anyway, that’s that. Snap! Amen. And now for this. Happy Friday:


6 comments:

beachbungalow8 said...

brizilliant. You're one of my favorite reads. I *wish*someone would offer you a book deal.

PalagiGirl said...

I'm laughing so hard I'm actually crying. That will carry me through the weekend. Brilliant!

Misplaced Country Girl said...

Oh man, we should totally choose the president by a dance off. That would be great!

And may I say that is one lovely camel toe! You should hold your head high and be proud.

Ana said...

s, you lie!
I will have to see the garment in person...not on you, because that would be gross, but I want to see that you actually own it!
:)

Erin said...

Hmm, that photo looks suspiciously UN-like your living room...

Trenches of Mommyhood said...

My...what big....uh..."toes" you have...