Wednesday, May 4, 2016

Fun Fact

I have a Geographic Tongue. Which I didn't know about until quite recently when my dentist mentioned it offhandedly as she was cleaning my teeth. "Has anyone ever told you that you have a Geographic Tongue?" Which made me feel slutty with the light shining down into my mouth like that, my tongue apparently one that gets around.

(I guess I always thought the patches on my tongue were an indication of an extremely rare oral cancer that was going to kill me, one of those things that I keep silent about because it is all eventual anyway, how I am ashamed of my own embarrassing mortality. As it turns out, my tongue is not going to kill me. It is just a harmless condition of unknown origin that affects 1% to 3% of the population, patches on my tongue that change shape like a map of political unrest.)

At my new job there are screens at the elevator banks with a running slideshow of employees: a photo, title, plus a fun fact. Wendy in Marketing bartends on the weekends! Shauna likes to hang out with her dogs. Deborah is a karaoke nut. Mike in IT has died twice!

I very much want to hang out with Mike.

Thinking of a fun fact about yourself is kind of like when it's your birthday and people ask you what you want. I don't know. A gift certificate for a massage? I prefer sweet over salty. I love me some Real Housewives. I have met Sting. Once I swallowed a weeble wobble whole. What is a fun fact about myself? The perfect balance between telling and benign, something that says now this coworker is a real hoot, but not so interesting as to suck the energy out of a room. Once I thought I had MS for 15 years but they said it was all in my head because my step-dad (no blood relation!) had MS, then he died a terrible death right after my mom died her own terrible death and not two months later I was diagnosed with MS. But wait! There's more! I researched a cure and went to Israel to have a stem cell transplant to kill my immune system and now I hopefully, probably, most certainly don't have MS anymore. 
Hi Mike in IT!

Or maybe I just like bananas a whole lot, insalate caprese, when I was born I was named Amanda but my parents changed it when they realized people would call me and my brother Andy and Mandy; I have one vaguely lazy eye. 
My tongue is a map constantly changing.



Maggie May said...

I just saved this post the other day

because my tongue gets scalloped.

Author said...

the thing about you is that you are a writer/storyteller. That is enough they need to know that you are more than just... the new one. :)
xx Amy

Rosie said...

You rock the written word like no one else.....period.

Zakary said...

Troy also has Geographic Tongue and a sassy mouth. xx

Anonymous said...

Note to self: Never again search Google Images for "Geographic Tongue."

Petunia Face said...

Gaaaaah! Anon @ 9:30, you are so right. I had never Google image searched it, but of course had to after your comment. Sweet Jesus! I swear my tongue is not that bad, that truly disgusting. I have to believe only the extreme tongues show up in search? Eeeee gads. I'm sorry.

Anonymous said...

HAHAHA ... It was my own fault for being the curious type! And, I know the photo that you're referring to that made you want to hurl!

In other news...

Here's the Reason You Hate the Word "Moist"


Unknown said...

I just wanted to tell you how very, very much I've enjoyed your blog for the past several years. You have made me laugh until my sides ache, cry with empathy, awww over the cuteness which is your family.

Thank you, Susannah.

Petunia Face said...

All of you--thank you. For reading and commenting and reading some more. I xox you so hard.