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You know you've made a wrong turn somewhere when you start identifying with Teresa Giudice. But I have and I do and seriously--can you believe she got 15 months? What happened? You know she is asking herself that question, just as I am asking myself the same thing, i.e. how did this happen? That I have MS (still hard to say/write those words), that I am scrapping and scraping to leave my family to go to Israel for 6 weeks to have my immune system completely destroyed. I mean, right Teresa? What the fuck happened to us? You in your orange jumpsuit, me with no hair...
We should totally be pen pals, Teresa and me. After all, she has to turn herself in to prison by January 5 and I check in for my stem cell transplant on January 4. This Christmas will be bittersweet tough for both of us, but once we have gone to our respective "aways," we can swap stories of strange new culinary dishes, trade tips on how to get our laundry done, and cry to each other with the misery of missing our children.
Because honestly. That is what I fear most. Not the pain or the chemo, the fatigue or the foreign country, but that my kids will think I have abandoned them. That they will feel scared and alone, not safe.
Just thinking about it makes me feel like an actual knife is stuck deep hot into my chest and I can't breathe.
So I try not to think about it too much. Instead I read Us Weekly, books, I drink almond milk and look deep into Teresa's eyes and sigh the sigh of a woman who doesn't know how she got here either.
xo,
S
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7 comments:
The last sentence you wrote, fuuuck. Now I can't breathe. xx
I guess I am supposed to know who that is . . .
Regardless, your children will know you love them and Bryan will be there to stabilize them and get them ready for your return. You can SKYPE too. You will be OK and they will always love you. Just like the rest of us.
Make skype a daily ritual for the kids and yourself. This way they know you're around and they'll see you. Zoey might understand, but Ozzy will be a bit clueless and seeing your face every day will help him.
Thank goodness for modern technology. Via gmail you can call anyone within the U.S. and abroad without paying a dime, that's going to be helpful too. The end of your treatment should be around Easter and perhaps Bryan and the kids can pick you up in Israel and you fly home together.
Plus, once you're there you give us the address and we'll send you postcards from around the world to wish you a speedy recovery. We've always done this with our friends' elderly parents when they're ill and in the hospital - receiving postcards from perfect strangers is quite heartwarming. I personally send postcards to terminally ill children around the world - they love getting postcards from sunny California. Hang in there, you're so much better off than Teresa.
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"You in your orange jumpsuit, me with no hair..."
I swear, I read that and immediately imagined Sinatra singing that to the tune of "Send In The Clowns."
http://youtu.be/K1fVQGESUTo
You're seriously brilliant.
I agree with "Anonymous" about the post cards. I would love to send you some from the Carolinas.
xo,
Mr. X
Hi all,
I've got it all planned. We are Skyping every day at 5am Israel time, 7pm here. That way I can hear about their day and kiss them goodnight.
I am also setting Zoey up with an email address so we can write each other. She will have to read stuff to Ozzy.
And I'm setting up a Treasure Hunt--each week there will be clues leading them to a small present I have hidden inside the house. I'm trying to pass this off as an adventure for them (and me, really).
I am hoping to be back by Valentine's Day (not Easter--that would be over 3 months!). Realistically I know I am not in total control of my body, but that is my goal, and if there's anything I can do to speed up the stem cells, then I'll do it.
Woosh. Today I made my hotel reservations and booked plane tickets. This is really happening...
Also check out free app viber -free calls and texts
P.s. Although you are not going on vaca, Israel is an amazing place and if you can or have the opportunity take a dip in the Mediterranean -that water feels amazing -nothing like it -xoxo
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