Friday, August 23, 2013


You know what can make you feel like a total dick? Going on a beach vacation while your mom is in Hospice. Also? Cutting in line, getting caught looking up and down at someone's outfit, littering. But I only did one of those things (I didn't get caught so the outfit thing doesn't count)--I went on vacation while my mom is in Hospice and felt like a terrible daughter/human being.

I could go on and on about people telling me I need to take care of myself, that I deserve this vacation, etc. etc, but really. It didn't feel right, though nothing does right now. Blah blah, are you tired of me being sad? Because I am. So let's look at a few/too many photos from my vacation and pretend for a second that you can't feel my mopey dick face* on the other side of the camera**...
Joy. Someone has it.
Babe. My babe.
Looking in the right direction.
I paid her two Oreos to drape the kelp over herself, and it was worth every last trigyceride.
Happy boy.
If you're wondering why there are more photos of Zoey than Ozzy it's because Ozzy prefers to go nudey at the beach and I don't want to post pics of him in the altogether.
Love the confidence. Even if it only lasted until her first wipeout.
Cali Girl.
Eventually the feeling of being a total dick outweighed the warm water and I decided I couldn't stick my head (toes) in the sand any longer, so I flew home early while the rest of the family stayed for a few more days. I have a feeling it was just in time.
So if you were on Virgin America flight 958 this afternoon and were wondering who that woman was with her forehead pressed against the window crying, that was me. And I'm not a dick. But I was looking you up and down. To make up for it all, I left my Us Weekly in the seat pocket for you to read.


*Mopey dick. Heh heh. See what I did there?
**If you're my Facebook friend, let's also pretend you didn't already see all these pics on FB.


krista said...

i will pretend all sorts of things with you. xo
(and i mean that in a much less sadistic/singlewhitefemale way than it sounds.)

Anonymous said...

I've been reading your blog forever and wanna tell you that I think you're so courageous for sharing your life with us - the vulnerable moments in particular. I hope that you find pockets of goodness, even in the most trying of times (and I hope that you find them often). We are all here to hold you up in our thoughts. We are all aching with you and praying that your heart heals fast. I wish you much softness and kindness towards yourself, for when life breaks you open. And I wish you strength and tenacity, for when time refuses to stop.

Love be with you.

Anonymous said...

Maybe the person who found your US Magazine on the plane was having a really shitty day and you distracted him/her with that delicious gossipy trash. Just like your kids' joy distracts you from your pain.

Peace. or Peace Out if you're feeling urban.

Cathi said...

Your kids are getting so big and have such joyful smiles! Sending my love as you spend these precious moments with your mom, as it should be. xxoo

Rebecca, Old Coworker said...

Please hang in there, darling darling girl.

Gretchen said...

Thinking of you.

Ann Alexandria said...

Hi there-I've been reading you for a while and just wanted to say how sorry I am that you're going through this. Lost my mom in November, and it's been very hard. Our family has been hit pretty hard by cancer (sister also died of this crap, I've been dealing with my own dx), and it's wretched stuff. I haven't any wonderful words of consolation, just wanted to let you know that there are a lot of us out here who understand and share your grief.
And your little boy makes me wish I could transform my 9 year old back to a toddler...what a cutie!

Ann Alexandria said...

And now I feel really stupid because I realize that I have posted before here, just not for many months. Oh well, chemo brain is my excuse for everything these days.

Anonymous said...

Thinking of you today and sending lots of anonymous love! A birthday filled with comforting things and thoughts. Or FUCK getting old.

Maggie May said...

Sweetheart I am so sorry. I wish I has been on that plane and seen you and gone 'wait I know that crying woman with the US magazine! ' and I could have come over and hugged you and it would have been awkward and awesome all at once.