Thursday, January 12, 2012

Couldn't Drag Me Away

Be forewarned: I am a quivering mass of exposed tissue tonight, nerves lifting slightly in the salt air. Zoey is having a slumber party at her Grandma DD's, our house now much too quiet. I cannot help but think of 13 years from now when she might leave to live somewhere else. True, I have PMS. Truer still, I have eaten 4 Cadbury Cream Eggs today. Still. 13 years ago I was in grad school. I wrote short stories and wore red clogs hand-painted with flowers. I still have those clogs and just the other day was thinking I should wear them again in the spring. With jeans?
13 years is a very short time.

So I will tell you this: Wild Horses is one of our Tickle Back Songs, sometimes by The Sundays, though I do prefer The Stones. This video is real and raw and lovely, even if the nodding is not so much of sleep but smack, I suspect.

Then there is this: tomorrow is the night we have set for Ozzy to sleep in his crib. A modified Cry It Out with me right there patting his back and sshhh-ing. I have had nervous tummy for the last week in anticipation, only now realizing that this may be the last night he sleeps in our bed. Because this is also True: the night full of syntactical colons and dramatic statements. The Last Night. I don't know if I can do any of this.

Remember this? Zoey was talking in her sleep the other night--she does that a lot. Mumbo jumbo nujka trah pa? And then as clear as day: I farted on mommy's face. The next morning I asked her if she remembered her dream and she said she couldn't tell me, that it would make me sad. Would it make me sad because you farted on my face? I asked, but she said no, no it wasn't that, and still hasn't told me.

But I remember. And this. A video from 3 years ago. Because 3 years is the same as 13 in that you cannot hold on to either one.

Sometimes it seems there aren't enough Cadbury Cream Eggs to go around.


krista said...

do you know that this video was first posted right after i started reading your blog? and that yesterday, i watched finn while we were arguing about treats and time outs and in the middle of it all i remembered this video and zoey seemed so big in comparison to my tiny baby and now finn is bigger than zoey here in this and then you post it right now and i can't stop typing because i'm worried it will make time move faster. it will fly by. and my baby boy who seems so huge will stop crying when i walk out of the room and i will feel old.
"we'll ride them someday"

Petunia Face said...

Oh Krista. Would we stop time if we could? Because then we might miss tomorrow. But this feeling, twisted up inside with the past, present and future. It's too much, isn't it?

Geli said...

My daughter is 16 now and although I miss that little girl now and then, believe me, every age has its rewards and good sides. If you're close with your kids, you'll enjoy every age....but I admit, the times she spends at someone else' house, make me emotional too...I have only 2 more years left with her before she's off to college. Maybe she'll go close by, we have an excellent university a stone throw away. Pass me the chocolate!

Anonymous said...

I have a hole in my stomach the size of a cannon since we did the cry it out thing. And our experience wasn't even that bad. After my first post about her only crying 1 minute, it got worse. The most was 30 minutes. But it's all about separating our issues with what's good for them. We've created special places for them to sleep for a reason. Their room is not a dungeon and the crib isn't cold or harsh. It's soft and cozy and safe in there. Just tell yourself this tonight. The hole I have is getting smaller and she is putting herself to sleep almost instantly now. And she likes her mobile and today's version of the glowworm that I put in the crib with her every night at bedtime. Just hold on for the ride. Take it nap by nap, night by night. Do something kind for yourself every day. By February it will all be over & everything will be in its place again.

Anonymous said...

Loved the video of The Rolling Stones. Thought it was interesting that the only one who was not nodding off most of the time was Mick Jagger who seemed fully engaged in listening and evaluating the product. Good luck tomorrow night with Ozzy! This was how i did it and it did eventually work.