It's just...the last night of a preschooler, you know? All loose lipped and round. Because when she woke up the next morning she was suddenly this, Miss Sassypants Giggleonia posing in front of the door on her way to kindergarten.
Sweet Jesus, people. I knew parenthood would be hard. The sleepless nights, temper tantrums, getting puked on, peed on, pooped on, (and on and on). But this is the hardest. The relentless march of time and feeling like such a sad sack sucker of a cliche because it's true, how fast it goes. My head a rush of just yesterday and not yet! Tomorrow she goes to college. Fuck. It's all I can do not to feed her coffee for breakfast--black--because I heard somewhere that it stunts your growth.
Instead I made her a cake. A First Day of Kindergarten Cake, and the first cake I ever made from scratch, frosting and all.
This photo was taken before anyone even touched it. And I'm not being all cute-bloggy self-deprecating when I say it was the ugliest cake I have ever seen. Something about maybe forgetting to grease the pan before it went in the oven so it came out in pieces, me in the kitchen trying to press hot cake parts together, cream cheese frosting as caulk. I am not known for my culinary prowess.
Still, Zoey came in and gasped. Thank you mommy! I love it! And I love her, Ozzy, being a mother and feeling my heart fall apart a little every day. Because that cake was delicious, of course, the best I ever tasted.
13 comments:
Susannah, I am one of those people who read your blog religiously and never comment. But I could not resist today. You got me all teared up. I feel this way everyday, and Sal is only 2. It is shocking how hard (and beautiful) it is to watch them get older.
Ami
I also read your blog daily, and well done! My oldest nephew (I'll have kids someday) also just started kindergarten, and I've literally asked him if he could stop growing up already.
And . . . all those stages will be different and happy and memorable. You are great about writing this and taking pictures. They will warm you in those times when they are gone.
And by the way, as long as the cake tastes good, it doesn't matter how it looks.
So true so true. My son starts K next week...as I watched him play at the school open house last night I wondered when he became an actual boy. Wasn't he just a toddler?
I cried at work the first three days of my daughter's kindergarten year (we started back in August) - I'm finally over feeling choked up when I leave her in the morning. Now I just have to go through this 3 more times with the next ones...
Your writing is so beautiful, as are you and your kids.
I remember the first day of Kindergarten when my kid marched into the classroom all confident and ready to conquer whatever comes her way.
She didn't even look back or wave...I thought I lost her. In a few days she'll be sweet 16 and we're closer than ever!! Every age has its beauty, but sometimes I miss that little girl, I really do! Hold on to the moment, Susannah!
Geez. I hear ya. My oldest started Kindergarten a few weeks ago. egads. Your lil gal looks so grown up (sorry) but so excited and lovely. I keep trying to tell myself how excited I am for my dude and this coming year of growth and change. Parenting = bittersweetness.
OH SUSANNAH...
There are no words, only tears! The cake was beautiful!
The cake looked delicious.
I need to get my camera out; point and shoot as I sit in the *passenger seat* while my first-born practices driving.
Sigh.
that cake looks delicious. i'm making finn coffee this morning. fo real. (good lord, how adorable is zoey on her first day???)
my youngest is starting kindergarten and i'm reeling.
no more littles? i'm suddenly, tragically a mother of 2 school-age kids? wtf?
TIme flies when you're in love. It just does. Sometimes the days seem so long, but then I think "where did a whole year go?!" And, the ugly cakes ALWAYS taste the best! And you can skip the plate and dig on in!
I know how you feel.
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