And That's That (That's What She Said)

Everyone's been asking (and by everyone I mean my mother and my sister-in-law), how was the reunion? Alas, I am something of a pussy and cannot/will not tell tall tales of hair gone gray, thick necks and waists. I mean, who knows? I might see these *people in another ten years, right? (Holy Mother of all That is Inevitable: I will be 47.)Bryan & me: Zero Year Reunion, Grad Night 1990. Note the eyebrows, the scrunchie on my wrist just waiting to bring down the loft of my hair. Why was my head so large, anyway?

What I will say is this: As we drove into the parking lot of the restaurant I started apologizing to Bryan for making us go. Like really fast, over and over I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done this, I'm sorry, we don't have to go, what have I done? And then I asked him how we could find some pot because all of a sudden I really wanted to hot box our car even though I haven't gotten stoned since 2002.

Bryan and me: 10 Year Reunion, 2000. Note the bad Prom pose back when we were ironic and DINKS and slept 'til 11am on the weekends. (Now we are DIKS.)

I had to settle for a glass of white wine, then two, then more. Why white wine I will never know seeing as how I have never ever liked white wine but it seemed like something a 37 year old who has her shit together would drink, yes? Sauvignon Blanc, a crisp Chardonnay? Seven of them, please. (And now I have said pussy and shit in this post, i.e. this is not me, it's not, but who is? Here...)

Carrying on the tradition o'cheese: 20 Year Reunion, Saturday night.

So I got super drunk at my reunion and told boys that I used to have crushes on them and talked to the guy who set off a fart bomb in homeroom, apologized for making out with people so many years ago when I shouldn't have and hugged friends that I once swore I would never speak to again.

And on the way out at the end of the night I crouched down and peed in the parking lot.

All in all, it was mortifying, fun, drunken, humbling, stumbling, stupid and young. In other words: it was the perfect reunion.

The End.

*Not you. You are one sexy beast you Drake Pirate you who may be reading this after Saturday night. Honestly, you've aged well, pinkie swear.