Monday, February 1, 2010

RIP Ziggy Stardust, 1995 ~ 2010

Friends, we are gathered here today to celebrate the life of Ziggy Stardust, the aging sparkley-eyed starlet on wheels we grew to love. Ish. (Though she never did come close to being the BMW wagon I always wanted even if Bryan says she rocked practically the exact same body. Semantics, plus the matter of an accent. Ziggy Stardust never had that sexy Euro-trash accent when she called my name across a crowded parking lot. *sigh*).

I suck at eulogies.

Don't die, mmmkay?

On Friday I went to work. Took the bus, had some meetings, wrote a little of this, ate a pb&j, wrote a little of that, took the bus back to my car--we've gone over this before, right? The minutiae? But this time I unlocked my car at the end of the day only to find the floorboards 2" deep in water. Which was very confusing, as you can imagine, not being able to see the brake pedal through the silt. I checked my windows, not sure why--my roof--it was still there. Suddenly a man rapped on my windshield with a microphone and asked if I wanted to go on air for KRON 4 News to talk about the freak 7ft tides flooding all the cars and how none of them would ever work again seeing as how sitting in salt water will kill an engine not to mention fry a computer. And so I did what any drama queen would do in such a situation at 5:30 on a Friday night with a microphone pushed into her face--I cried.

If you are my Facebook friend no doubt you have read my weekend emo updates lamenting the loss of transportation, the financial suckerpunch, the very moon itself, that bitch who pulled the tide up and over my car. But you guys--I lost my car because I went to work. Nay, because I was being fiscally responsible slash environmentally aware by leaving my car at the commuter parking lot to take public transportation TO WORK. There are simply not enough upper cased italics to get me through the absurd woe-is-I-ness of that sentence.

On Saturday Bryan took me back to the scene of the crime to have my car towed to its more than likely *FRP. It was 8am and already there were 4 tow trucks dealing with the fiberglass cadavers: a Porsche, an Audi, Mercedeseseses (how does one pluralize Mercedes?). In total, roughly a dozen cars were killed that day. It's funny how insurance companies find religion at times like this, the tide an uncoverable act of God when everybody knows there is no God to be found in a commuter parking lot.

We estimate her time of death at 11:08am. High tide, while somewhere in an office building in San Francisco I was probably doing something like looking up a word in the thesaurus. Had I known, I would've looked up fuck:

Synonyms: be intimate, breed, copulate, fool around, fornicate, go all the way, have sexual intercourse, lay, make out, mate, procreate, sleep together, leave your car to go to work and find upon your return that it was been flooded, fried, you're screwed, fucked.

*FRP: Final Resting Place. My southern grandparents bandied about this term in casual conversation which I always found to be the height of sophistication, that and Cheerwine; of course this probably explains some of my more macabre leanings.

**Anyone have any recommendations re: how to find a super cute family car with low mileage for roughly $25? CA$H!!


krista said...

i blame the moon.

AnonymousMom said...

Oh. My. God. First - insurance companies suck. Second - how can we help? Donate? I feel just awful for you!

Petunia Face said...

AnonymousMom, that is pretty much the sweetest thing ever, but we'll figure something out. The next day watching all the tow trucks cart away the dead bodies of cars, Itried very hard to practice an attitude of gratitude by thinking that thank god my car was not one of the $30K ones. Then I got all bitter and thought that those people probably have enough to buy a replacement. :)

It just sucks, and yes, Krista, I totally blame the moon, that lunatic bitch.

Anita Davis said...

so sorry for your loss.

(will insurance pay for anything...?)

Richie Designs said...

damn that blows beyond anything ever.

I would imagine there are many people on craigslist with good cars in financial trouble that are looking to unload. That's where I'd go.

Then I'd go to my mechanic and ask him what he charges to do an evaluation.
or if you wait a week after Toyota gets their parts out to their dealerships, you'll be able to get a nice sparkily new one for a good deal - you'll have the dealership by the balls


topsyturvydays said...

Coincidentally, I was taking the offramp near the commuter lot I think you are talking about at 11:00 on Friday and found myself saying "What the frak?" as I made it through at least a foot of water. So sorry to hear that you were hit so hard. I'll keep my fingers crossed that you find a worthwhile replacement!

Misplaced Country Girl said...

What a nightmare! This is so crazy that I don't even know what to say. I am so sorry!

Duel Living said...

Stupid flooding moon mother fucker!

AppleTree said...


I would fight with the insurance company. Find a lawyer friend to draft a nasty letter.

Simply Mel said...

This beyond sucks and makes me hate insurance companies even more - worthless!

I say add a PayPal button to the blog and let's gather enough funds for a really cool Dodge DART! You and Zoey would rock in a rainbow painted car...while she let her little pony hang its head out the window.

BTW, I saw you and Zoey at Fish on Saturday. There with my little crumb, and I didn't have the balls to come up and say hello. Tongue-tied and all since you are one of my blog crushes - no lie, ask the husband, he will confirm the story.

Petunia Face said...

Mel!!! I was all rag-tag after dealing with my car and then renting another one, feeling all grumpy and greasy eating those fries. You totally should have said hi--would've brightened up my suck ass day!

Alexsandria said...

Goddamn what a bummer. There must be some action you can take against the insurance company.

Judy said...

NOOooooooooooo! Not the Honda Wagon!!???It was so was never going to die. It was murdered and sombody has to PAY!

Anonymous said...

I'm with "Mom", it was murder and someone must pay!!!

Michelle M in KY said...


Are you fucking kidding me?

Seriously...I know you are not. You would not play with our emotions like that, nor have crime scene photographs to prove it.

This sucks...a big one. I am so sorry. I know you are doing everything right...this is just that mystical universe thing...checking to see if you are paying attention.
Yep, I think that you are. FUCK is definitely appropriate! What can I do? Anything?
I will be happy to help pay for a new ride for you. Listen, I will donate half the $25 big ones towards the new ride. That's $12.50 and then you can still have lunch money for the rest of the week...well, at least that may buy you a bag of chips for each day that's left of the week.
Truly, I am so very sorry...but things will start turning around now. I believe that. I'm sending you loads of positive energy and just let me know where to drop the check for the $12.50!
Chin up girl...chin up :)
BTW...I am so totally gonna "friend" you on fb! I think I still have an email that you sent me with advice on that blog I am writing, that I have not visited since, um...maybe August. Damnit...I gotta get my shit together! Peace out sista'.

mosey along said...

oh no. I drove right by there the other day as the police were detouring us around it, and my heart sunk for those people returning from work to find their cars at the end of the day.

Good thoughts for a cheap yet foxy replacement.

Maman de trois petit rois said...

I'm so sorry this happened to you. That really bites. However, I am cracking up at your southern references because after 4 days of being stuck in the house because of snow, my husband made his way out and called to see if we needed anything... and of course instead of milk or bread for the kids I asked him to go through the "cook-out" drive through because they have fountain Cheerwine (that's right, I always capitalize Cheerwine... like Christmas, or God), and after being cooped up with my kids that bottled or canned taste was not going to cut it. I hold this one up in a silent toast to Ziggy.

Jules said...

You're my facebook friend and I did not know your car drowned. Sorry I wasn't there for you because, truly, that blows. Is this a city parking lot? Privately owned? What sort of measures were taken to prevent the tide from coming in, and how foreseeable was it that a large tide would sweep past any barriers?

Sorry, it's the old attorney in me...

lulu said...

Dude! The same thing(ish) totally happened to me a couple of years ago. Except it was a flash flood of rain and my sweet old Betsy Beemer was parked in front of my house ON TOP OF A HUGE HILL! It was nuts. I got off the bus and walked down the block to find my street waist-deep with water and muck.

I feel your pain and understand your mourning. RIP.