What I Did This Weekend (In Addition to Inventing Sliced Bread)

All weekend long I have been writing this post in my head and laughing--oh, how I laughed! God, I'm good, I thought, and maybe popped another Tylenol Cold and Flu. Next thing I knew I would open my eyes and it would be 5 hours later, me struggling to breathe out of whatever nostril had an airway opened one millimeter. Quite frankly I'm surprised I didn't rub my nose down to a nub, what with all that blowing and hacking and blowing and blowing. Seriously--in my head this was funny. The flu? A freaking hoot.
I had some good ideas this weekend, courtesy of a fever. Like this one: I want to create a font. Well, I suppose it's not a font so much as it is a type of software or something. I don't know, I plan on hiring some IT people, okay? Anyhoo, this thing would translate your written words into sick speak. So if you were sick and needed to email your boss you could write I don't think I'm coming to work today as I don't feel well and with the push of a button it would be translated into I don' thingk I'm cominkg to work today as I don' peel well. With this font/software/thingie your boss would fully grasp the gravity of your sickuation, thus feeling more sorry for you, which, as everyone knows, is paramount when one is sick. Imagine the possibilities!

But then I got paranoid about posting my idea--what if somebody steals it, I thought. Is it enough to have a time/date stamp on the post? Would that hold up in court? I mean, I don't think it would because you can always pre-date a posting. So then I took another Tylenol Cold and Flu and slept for fourteen hours wherein I dreamed the geniosity of inventing sliced bread. That's right--I invented sliced bread this weekend! All I needed to do was write a post about the idea and date it July 6th, 1928, the day before sliced bread was actually invented. And so I did. Then I invented the Cotton Gin on March 13, 1794, and on September 17, 1919 I invented pasties. For strippers, not the Cornish.

So yes, I had the flu this weekend. Still do, in fact. Can you tell? (A hoot, I tell you, an absolute hoot is what it is.) And you--what did you do this weekend?