Today I am thankful. Yesterday I was thankful, and the day before that, the week before even, though to many it probably did not seem like it.
Yesterday a reader called me out. Emailed me to say that lately my posts have reeked of entitlement. My first thought was "well, fuck you very much, dear reader." But then I read it again. And again and then again and once more with feeling. True, she did say that, but she also said so much more. I won't bore you with the details but she was right. Lately my posts have reeked of entitlement, ingratitude, anger, neediness. I sit down to write and it pours out of me like spilled milk and so I emailed her back. After a few emails back and forth my initial reaction of "fuck you very much" quickly turned to "thank you very much." Because she cared to let me know I was being a twit. Thank you, N, thank you.
And then this. Oh, this. It's funny how your heart can just as easily break from the beauty inside of a person as it can from the ugliness of the world. This. Remember way back around my birthday when I had my very first (and so far only)
Petunia Face giveaway? Well the winner was an artist named Kristin. I sent her a 350 million year old ammonite fossil and yesterday she sent me something in return:
My scanner is on the fritz so I had to take a photo and the quality isn't great, but man. It's beautiful isn't it? Ethereal? Magical? I think it's going in Zoey's room, way up high where her fingertips can't touch it. To score your very own Kristin original (or to do some Christmas shopping),
visit her website here. Her work is phenomenal! And as if the painting wasn't enough her accompanying note almost brought me to tears. Again, I won't bore you with the details but essentially she said that in light of my recent darkness she thought I could use a lift. Thank you, Kristin, thank you.
And then there's this:
I am forever thankful that teachers are still making small hands into turkeys. Gobble Gobble. May your feast be stuffed with gravy, a good pie and love. Happy Thanksgiving!
My scanner is on the fritz so I had to take a photo and the quality isn't great, but man. It's beautiful isn't it? Ethereal? Magical? I think it's going in Zoey's room, way up high where her fingertips can't touch it. To score your very own Kristin original (or to do some Christmas shopping), visit her website here. Her work is phenomenal! And as if the painting wasn't enough her accompanying note almost brought me to tears. Again, I won't bore you with the details but essentially she said that in light of my recent darkness she thought I could use a lift. Thank you, Kristin, thank you. And then there's this:
19 comments:
Happy thanksgiving my blog friend! There is always something to be thankful for, even hand-print turkeys!
ESPECIALLY hand print turkeys!
I love turkey hands.
happy T Day.
Mmmmm, I love me some Turkey hands!
I totally remember that giveaway! If I recall correctly, the winner was the only one who said she had the perfect place for it, which I thought was so cool, cause who has the perfect place for a fossil?! What a talented artist she is, to boot. This is gorgeous. Happy thanksgiving, and glad to see you are cheering up a bit:)
I am a new reader of your blog. A friend has a link on hers to yours, and she said your blog was amazing. So I started reading. And reading. For hours. I couldn't get enough. Your writing is amazing. I can relate in many ways. I haven't lost my job, but I quit mine when my second child was born. We really can't afford it, but I panic at the thought of returning to work. I would miss so much, then there are days when I would give anything to escape to a job and I feel guilty. I have friends that I share with, but it makes me feel so much better to know that I am not alone, and the feelings of entitlement... you are not the only one. Don't stop writing about how you are feeling, even if you are feeling crappy. Know that you have so many people out there who feel the same way. Thank you for saying it.
That painting is gorgeous! I checked out her web site - Kristin is a great artist!
Happy thanksgiving!
I recently got a nasty gram... except this one wasn't out of love or caring. It was on my "I love this man" post containing a picture of Obama. The comment said something like: 'oh, how you "loved" ex-husband?'. Wasn't that nice?
Guess I needed to get that out!
Hope you and your fam have a great thanksgiving. :)
haaa. i love how that sequin eye puts it all in perspective.
I have a wipey board in my office. I drew a hand turkey on it. Yes, I'm 31. Hand turkeys remind me of a time when things were so less complicated. Zoey's is much better than mine. I'm glad your feeling better. I love and look forward to your writing.
I'm impressed you let yourself be open to and grateful for necessary criticism. I applaud you. This is what blogs should do.
Happy thanksgiving!
What a lovely entry. Yeah, readers who keep us in check aren't always welcomed by bloggers (eg. see the whiny Regardez-Moi post, above) but chances are they have something to teach us. I'm inspired and impressed that you were open to learning from N's message. Yay, you!
I am a huge fan of your blog and of you, personally. But, I have to admit, that even I who have been blessed in so many ways can sometimes finish reading and entry and wonder, doesn't she know how great she's still got it? Even without the high-paying job, even with the panic attacks, you are rich beyond belief. I don't mean this as a reproach, but rather as a compliment. Because a devoted husband, adorable daughter, wisdom and beauty are not in your life in spite of who you are, but rather because of it.
Chere Regardez, ma petite. I cannot believe someone would be so cruel in a comment on your blog. Kisses to you because that was a sucker punch if I ever did see one.
I am thankful to all of you for your comments. I am thankful to the world for bananas and ice cream, nutella, good hair conditioner, microfiber socks and reality tv.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
xo,
S
Bravo to you for going to the next step, and the next, and the next with the reader/commenter. I would be such a wimp or create a psycho plot to figure out what computer I could use to write a "mean" letter back to her so I wouldn't get caught (oy..do I sound like I'm 10 years old?) At times blogging is like therapy...getting it off your chest, out of your head, and trying to figure it all out. Perhaps the reader/commenter was asking you to look at yourself in another light (not always a fun thing to do...but SO good you went the distance)and to see who you can truly be.
Thank S :). I was being whiny in my above comment, Anon, you are correct. There is a difference between constructive criticism and just plain nasty. That was my point.
I am privileged to be one of Kristin's friends and you sent the fossil to the absolutely right person!
Thank you for writing about someone who is special to me in a way that exactly describes her and her art.
Janice, Kristin's friend!
As S. has demonstrated, though, even nasty comments can teach us important lessons about ourselves... if we are willing to do the work
Wow, that painting is stunning! Lucky you ;) This is the first time I'm visiting your blog, and I love it! :)
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