A Tale of Two Cities and One Day, That Being the First

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. It was my first day. So as not to be quite as wordy as old man Dickens, here is my summary of Day One (and counting):

Things I Like About The New Job:

1. Throughout the day the company provides healthy snacks gratis: granola bars and organic fruit in a big bowl just like in your momma's kitchen.
2. There is a free gym that I will never ever use in this lifetime of chai with donuts and tunics worn long and breezy. But it is there and free and that makes me feel as if I am getting a deal and if there is one thing I like better than a donut it is a deal. Or a deal on donuts! Baker's dozen!
3. The commute is easy-peasy. Even though I have to drive to across a bridge and to another county, I actually get to pick up my daughter earlier than I ever did at The Old Job that just so happened to be two exits from my house.
4. The girls with whom I work don't seem to be the type who would mind that I might call them "the girls with whom I work." They seem as if they respect the proper placement of a preposition plus they knew who I was talking about (about whom I was talking!) when I referenced Jocelyn Wildenstein at lunch.
5. The girls with whom I work seemed not to be too alarmed with my non sequitur regarding one Jocelyn Wildenstein.
6. If I wish to donate to charity the company will match my donation up to $500 per year!
7. Next Friday there is a company Luau at lunch and everyone is urged to wear Hawaiian attire.

It was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness...

Things I Don't Like About The New Job:

1. Next Friday there is a company Luau at lunch and everyone is urged to wear Hawaiian attire.
2. If I wish to donate to charity they will match my donation for up to $500 per year, which makes me feel like a total shit if I don't donate to charity.
3. They do not provide free tampons in the restrooms. Come to think of it, neither did my old job or the one before that. But still. I think they should, I don't know why. Perhaps I will start a petition tomorrow, my second day? Or perhaps set up a charity to provide free feminine hygiene in the workplace, and then the company must match it with $500 worth of Have a Happy Period? I will be the Silkwood of Menses.
4. Above my desk was a signed Josie and the Pussycats movie poster. I say 'was' because I immediately threw that shit away and while it is now long gone I fear that my area will forever be tainted with the ghost of Tara Reid's pre-op abs.
5. If I were Wild Bill Hickok I would be veeerrry unhappy with my seat, one corner of a design bull-pen. And let's face it: I am Wild Blog Hickok and need me some privacy. I'm thinking of getting a fish eye mirror to glue to my monitor like they have in the corner of the 7-11. That way I can see if anyone is stealing Slurpees behind me. Although...
6. After yesterday's comments about getting fired for blogging at work I am completely paranoid about the whole thing. I am thinking of having the letters 'b,' 'l,' 'o' and the letter 'g' removed from my keyboard at work. Failing that I am thinking of changing the name of my blog from http://www.petuniafacedgirl.blogspot.com/ to http://www.howtosaveyouremployermoneyandboostsalesallwhileonyourlunchbreak.blogspot.com/ because surely that would not raise any IT flags, right? And then you could read it all day long at your places of employment, as well, safe in the knowledge that if anything, reading this here blog might bode well for your next review? Let me noodle on this one...

We had everything before us, we had nothing before us... But we'll always have this:

Off to Day Two! Happy Tuesday to you!