A Nothing That (S)He Knew Too Well

I tried very hard not to post today. Because I have nothing to say. Really. I drove to work thinking hm, self, maybe something interesting will happen on the way in that I can write about, but nope. Nothing. Then I sat at my desk and waiting some more for something to happen. And guess what? Soon it was noon and nothing had happened. Then I got hungry and went out to lunch when usually I just sit at my desk and eat some chips from the vending machine, but no, today I went out, hoping that something might happen that I could post for you. I bought dos tostada verduras with corn y zucchini and still--nothing happened. I even addressed the cashier by name thinking that might spark something. Gracias Jerry, I said eyeing his nametag, only I pronounced it Hairy on account of it being a Mexican restaurant and all, but nada. He didn't even correct me. Incidentally, you owe me $13.50 for the tostadas. Less the .85 cents I usually spend on the chips so I suppose that makes it $12.65 but if you factor in gas money it's probably more like $43 so I'm giving you a deal when I say it was $13.50. I'm good like that.

It is now 2:57pm and still nothing has happened. Most people would see this as a sign not to post but me? I'm afraid of not posting. I know myself. In my lifetime I have joined at least a dozen gyms and worked out maybe 4 times. Because the minute I tell myself self, just do it tomorrow, it's okay, then tomorrow becomes the next day and at the end of the year I have shelled out $1500 for a gym I've never gone to. I know myself and tomorrow is the gateway drug to never.

So here you go. A post about nothing without the benefit of a Clean, Well-Lighted Place. Am I going to lose readers with posts such as this? Maybe. But I'm telling you, I know myself (which is why I call myself self when I talk to myself) and it's either this or a year from now while I'm cleaning out my closet I find a never-before-worn pair of Reeboks and suddenly remember that once upon a time I had a blog called Petunia Face and you, that once upon a time I gave us this nada our daily nada and nada us our nada as we nada our nadas and nada us not into nada but deliver us from nada; pues nada, Amen Senor Hemingway.

Now on the off-chance this is not enough for you, like maybe you want your money back even though this blog is free, then I leave you with this:


Because as we all know (and because bumpers stickers are never ever wrong) even though nothing happened and I have nada to post, shit is a sure thing, sure as shit, and shit? Well shit always happens.