Friday, August 1, 2008

Just Jiggle It a Little, It'll Work

If you gently twisted that tiny key and the door to my brain yawned wide open with a rickety creak, all you'd get today is this: I'd rather be weird than anonymous.

That's all I've got.
Because last night after I got home from what was surely the longest day ever in recorded Vegas history, I checked my email and saw a comment from anonymous. You are really weird, it said. Not a freak, per se. Not you are lame, or I hate you, or even what are you doing with your own blog you cotton-headed ninny muggins which is good because I don't think I could have taken that sort of abuse particularly after that sort of day. Just you are really weird. And weird is not necessarily bad although I do remember one China Hoppers who I went to school with in the 1st grade and she sat cross-legged on the floor reading Curious George books so that everyone could see she had a hole in the crotch of her tights and we all called her weird. Nobody ever wanted to be friends with China Hoppers.
So last night I lay in bed thinking of all the witty comebacks I could say to anonymous. At least I don't have a hole in the crotch of my undies? I think? I know you are but what am I? Um, shut up? But really I got nothin.' Just this: I like talking about PMS and vaginas and my daughter and celebrities and twisting words into irreverence and I am so very very sorry to one China Hoppers, wherever she is. China, I sincerely hope that you are somewhere right now all grown up but still sitting cross-legged in the middle of the floor wearing crotchless panties and reading Curious George and the Man with the Yellow Hat. Because I bet you we'd be friends.
Happy Friday!


I *Heart* You said...

i totally feel you on the self inflicting scorn an anonymous comment make one do to themselves. i once hated a dress toni braxton wore for charity and i was called out for hating people with heart disease. i talked about a song Jay Z sang that was backed up by a black church choir and it was insinuated that i was racist and yesterday i posted on a hideous photoshop job on a magazine cover with jessica simpson and i was called out for hating her – all by random anonymous people who feel passionately enough about what they are saying but not enough to give credit to their own name for saying it.

i never comment anonymously. what is the point? if you have the time to write something nasty, you have to time to move on to another blog.

and no, you are no weird. you are you. judgement is provoked by fear and people who make nasty comments and then don't sack up and take responsibility for them are just scared. we are online for Christ's sake – just say your name. what am i going to do? beat you up on the playground? pah-lease.

and for the record my grandfather died of heart disease, i have many friends of mixed nationalities and races and jessica simpson is lovely as long as she doesn't open her mouth. so there.

sorry i went off. give me a soap box and i'll stand up on it.

Judy said...

I posted this comment on the original blog but since I have no more time today to comment...and since I KNOW how outlandishly "hurt" I get when even a perfect stranger, even an Asshole, insults me...and since I know this trait was passed down to my offspring, I'm just cutting and pasting the comment again.

I love the comment-author unknown-"What other people say about me or think of me is none of my business." Unfortunately, it's harder to take it to heart-especially when the offended or hurt party is my family. So....

(Previously posted comment)

Hey, Anonymous, calling my daughter "wierd" had BETTER have been a compliment! In our family, "wierd" IS a desirable and positive adjective but I have a feeling that you would neither know that, nor understand it. If it WAS a compliment, then....Nevermind....if it wasn't, then, I say to you....Until you have the guts to sign your comments, you're a gutless bully. I suspect that you don't have a blog, that you don't put yourself out there for others to judge, enjoy, learn, share or just be entertained on an almost daily basis.
And, as far as I'm concerned, until you
a)Have the Balls to sign your posts and,
b) Prove that you have the courage, dedication and talent to do what my Daughter and so many of her talented blogger friends do, you have NO right to critique anyone.

Only people who know, love and appreciate my Daughter and her incredibly talented and fearless writing, get to call her wierd.

And, at the risk of sinking to your level (can't, because I DO sign my comments), you SUCK! Nobody asked or forced you to visit or read her blog so just go away pester someone else.

P.S. Sus can well defend herself and she most certainly didn't ask me to butt in and probably will be a bit embarrased that I did, but when you mess with my family, you are most definitely messing with me...and I am not nearly as wonderfully Zen as her Dad.

August 1, 2008 11:26 AM

v8_grrl said...

take it as a complement. You have evoked enough wordage from the ding-a-ling to get an email. I'm guessing "she" (because a guy wouldn't possibly give you the weird factor for yapping about Baginas) lurks through sites making herself feel better by posting such a comment or email.
hey maybe it was Decorno...or Jozette
they are weird too, maybe it's bonding love when you punch the cute boy.
weirdos rule

Melanie said...

i haven't been blogging long enough to develop a following, much less some dumbass stopping by to insult me, but i agree with the first comment in that people who make nasty comments anonymously are just scared.

personally, i don't even get what the person was trying to say to you. to that person, i say huh? move on somewhere else if you can't play nice.

Anonymous said...

This anonymous reader thinks you rock.

Petunia Face said...

Dear anonynice,
Thank you.

And thank you to everyone else.

And to my mom even though her comment was sort of the blog equivalent to marching down to my school to grab the bully by the elbow in front of all my friends. I get it, I do. Because I will totally do that to anyone who so much as looks at Zoey wrong.

Thank you.

corine said...

No one has anonymously insulted me yet. I'm jealous.

Megan said...

well, I am always amazed at the fact that you're willing to bare yourself to everyone. All your most sincere and innermost emotions, unflinchingly put out there. That takes so much honesty and pure-self to do. It makes me like you more every time. You're true, real, funny, bare, witty, and maybe even weird, but only in all the very best ways. The ways that make me read you every day.

Jessie said...

I'm sorry, but all I can focus on right now is the fact that when I read the name "China Hopper", for some reason I saw "Vagina Hopper".

Now I am all punchy and giggles at my desk when I am supposed to be smart and concentrate-y.

Love the Elf reference, by the way.

Jill said...

More SVH references please! Just reading the name Bruce Patman and the term "matching lavaliers" made my week. As for "anonymous" - FU Lila Fowler!!!!!!!!!!!! Mean people are poop.

A Zoey fan said...

The Oxford American Desk Dictionary and Thesaurus contains the following definitions and synonyms:

*weird /weerd/ adj. 1. supernatural

*supernatural (adj.)=

I'd say "Anonymous" had it just about right. =)

Onwards and upwards!

Oh Brother! said...

My sister is WONDERFULLY "weird." Thankyouverymuch!

Hey sis, you've made it! :) They love you, they really really love you!

(Remember, there is no bad PR, once you are "out there" to have critics, you're a SUPA-STAR! ... at least that's what I tell myself when I read MY worst reviews :)

Anywhoo, the best advice ever given to me in this category has been: "The only way to stay real in the public eye is to never bother believing the best OR the worst things people say about you."

For better or grammatically worse, I've found that to be true.

Sleep well my dear sis. It ain't notin' but a thing. Really.

And to ANYONE who wants to take a pot-shot at my sister, give me a call first and let's "talk."

Ok. Enough,

Weird-on, my wonderfully weird sister!


Andrews (Brother, son, just some guy and defender of all things "weird.")

(Reachable at

Maggie, Dammit said...

OK, guess what, my blog is back. And what you just wrote here? VERY TIMELY. I've been struggling with anonymous folks, although you are taking it much better than I.

Anyway, hi. Missed ya. ;)


Lune said...

I am just about to write a post about the very bizarre idea of labeling someone with a word. All cos of the book 'Eat, Pray, Love'.

Weird is good, it is great, fantastic in fact. I get called that by the other half quite regularly, and he don't even read the blog!!! Nothing to worry about, even if it was from an anonymous emailer.

I got called competitive the other day.

I'd rather be earth mother, but hey, competitive works for me.

love the blog btw,
Lune x

JackeeG4glamorous said...

I get that "you are weird" line aLL the time. I used to be insulted. Then I realized that I liked the weird, because usually the people saying it to me I found to be dull, boring humorless people, with very little sense of self and usually Republicans to the right of conservative. They still only eat mashed potatoes and white meat and salad. They pass judgement freely on EVERYBODY. And they LOVE TO BE anonymous if they can.
Sus, You are weird. Join the club.

sal said...

I'm not sure I get what all the fuss is about?

It's not like this anonymous reader opened your personal diary and left a comment in there...? This is an internet blog - it's public material and the whole concept of allowing people to make comments is to express opinions - whether they be positive OR negative?

Or is this a 'positive comments only' blog...?

Look - I'm not trying to be antagonistic, and I do believe anon could've come up with a more original comment than an incorrectly spelt and unimaginative one such as that - but I'm not really sure I understand why anyone would blog at all - or if so, why they'd allow the 'comment' function - if they only want to hear nice things and compliments...?

Anyway... I personally love your blog, and I think you're pretty weird too - but that's definitely a good thing!

PS is 'weird' (or 'wierd') really the worst thing you've been called?? I'd be counting myself lucky if so!!

PPS I do think 'anon' commentors are irritating... but maybe they just lack confidence, not everyone's as experienced with the net or as IT-savvy as some of you bloggers out there... it can take a little time....

Petunia Face said...

Hi Sal,
You brought up a good question: is this a "positive comments only" blog? And I think the answer is yes. Positive and neutral comments. Because in a way this blog IS my diary. I put a lot of myself out there for public consumption mainly because I love to write and don't know how to do it without being completely honest. I guess I rely heavily on the kindness of strangers. I just kind of expect that anyone who reads my blog would be kind in their comments, or not comment at all.

And "weird" is most definitely not the worst I've ever been called, here or in "real life." Like I said in my blog post, I don't even know if the comment was a bad thing, if "weird" was a recrimination or simply an observation. It just caught me, that's all, at the end of day that kicked my ass. "You're really weird." Without the benefit of inflection or happy face, it sounded to my sensitive ears like "you're a piece of poo."

Anyway, I know your comment was not meant to be antagonistic and I'm glad you like my blog. But you raised a good question and I guess I'm answering unapologetically: yes, this is a "positive comments only" blog. It's my blog. And in a world chock full of snark, a world over which I have absolutely no control, I guess I'm taking control over this little blog because I can. Positive comments only. Is that so bad?


Petunia Face said...

One more thing:
Mom? Andy? DO NOT release the hounds. Sal comes in peace. I can just tell.

The Lil Bee said...

Dude, the only thing I have to say to "anonymous" commenters is that they are all "worthless and WEAK!" (I am spitting as I shout out this last phrase, veins popping out of my neck, and I am in army fatigues. Name that movie!)

Anywho, you are about as awesome as they come.

Kelli said...

I can understand how a comment like that could hit you the wrong way. At certain hormonally-charged times of the month, I've been known to take offense to what was merely harmless banter. But please don't let it make you feel like a piece of poo. Weird = awesome in my book. I take pride in being weird. It's definitely more interesting that way, and I know my friends and family love me and wouldn't want me to be any other way. The same clearly goes for you. :)

sal said...

Hello again - yes, you're right, I do come in peace! I'm glad it did come across that way.

I also agree with your response wholeheartedly... only yesterday my thoughts were leaning towards 'this is out there for the public - if you let them comment you should be prepared to accept that not everyone will like you...' or something slightly more succinct and articulate but still along those lines...

But I stand corrected and mildly ashamed... why can't we all just be nice to each other?!

I guess the point I missed was that if someone has a dissenting opinion then it is still able to be expressed without it turning into a personal attack. 'Disagree' and 'negative' are not necessarily the same thing.

If I ever get off my arse and start my own blog I will no doubt have a better understanding of what it is like to get a shitty, personal comment like that - not so nice is my bet.

Keep up the good work, you write wo wonderfully, your posts amuse me no end and the 'wierder' the better I say - definitely a compliment!

jozette said...

hmf. i've recently gotten a slew of anonymous comments. nasty ones. and it really upset me. then i got a lot of really nice comments from my readers and felt so much better. but i still fear getting a nasty one. i really don't know why people feel compelled to do that. i have a theory that that they are either a) really self righteous b) pent up. i'd like to see what they have to say in their blogs.

and, maybe 'you are weird' was meant as a compliment? it's so hard to tell the tone of something in black and white. but then why would you post it anonymously.

Dear Anon,
You suck.

How's that for tone?

Visual Vamp said...

my anon calls her/himself "none" -
i guess we all have at least one!
i just delete the stupid things, and go to my happy place.