Where is Alan Greenspan When You Need Him?

Last night I took the last birth control pill of this month and I couldn't help but breathe a big ol' sigh of relief. I mean all this time I thought maybe having a nervous breakdown and then losing my job was really terrible and now I know the truth: I just had PMS! Thank god, right?? Now I'll just get my period and in a week everything will be hunky dory again. Phew.

Yesterday I went to the grocery store and there I was faced with the first sign of my very own personal recession.

Usually I would have bought Us Weekly, People, maybe a Marie Claire and a Cookie (both the magazine and a baked good). But hard times call for hard decisions and I had was faced with a real toughie:

OR


Now because of this damn economy I may never know if Heath really did have a secret love child and even more of a disappointment is that I will never get the Exclusive on the Pregnant Man. Because I chose Us Weekly over People--I had to, right? Stay true to my peeps with mental illnesses. But even more riveting was to read about Heidi and Spencer staying in separate beds while partying at the Hard Rock in Vegas. Poor Heidi, her lips and breasts all puffy from crying. Now that, my friends, is being between a rock and a hard place.

Later on at home I realized that even though I used my debit card to get $20 cash back at the check out I did not, in fact, have a $20 bill in my wallet. I looked at the receipt and lo and behold I was charged an extra twenty. Pre-lay off I would have shrugged my shoulders and flipped on Keeping Up with the Kardashians, chalking it up to you win some you lose some because I am really just that lazy. But no, with no income I got back in my car and drove at a reasonable speed (so as not to waste any gas) back to the grocery store and stood in line at customer service, receipt in hand, steely eyed with the injustice of no $20. This is the new me. The other night I actually had a dream that Old Navy opened a new discount store with super cute peasant tops but they did not have the orange one I wanted in medium. An OLD NAVY DISCOUNT STORE.

Yes, times, they are a-changin'.

Which reminds me: does anyone have any recommendations for the most profitable way to advertise on your blog? AdSense? Blogher Ad Network? Google ads? Or should I just get right down to it and sell my worn panties to men in Japan?