Here we go. I'm pregnant. 9 weeks, due June 9th, 2011. I am ecstatic, it's a miracle, Bryan is happy, Nacho perplexed and Zoey is thrilled. But enough about that.
Because I suck at being pregnant. Which is okay, I think, because I'm a good mom, but the truth is it's quite possible to suck ass at being pregnant, and I do. Of course before Zoey I totally thought I'd be one of those moms on the cover of Pregnancy magazine, glowing like a goddamned cliche, thin fingers resting on some sort of strap-on styrofoam belly. But I was not and am not. Pretty much from the minute Bryan rolled over I looked up and snapped WTF? I am tired and cranky, emotional, nauseated, spacey, sick, hungry and much too full. I throw up when I brush my teeth. It's beautiful, really. Wish you were here.
The difference between this pregnancy and my first is that this time I know what to expect, and it's not pretty. Because with Zoey I got pregnant face, which I didn't even know existed until months after I gave birth and saw a picture of myself still pregnant. Fat face, wide nose, flushed skin, double chin--when I smiled my face felt wrong and I could not breathe at all. Of course nobody told me then that I looked as if I had eaten Anne Geddes' darkroom but we all laughed about it later which was funny because it was over and I was normal again. Now of course I am staring down the barrel of bloat and the room has gotten suspiciously silent. It's like when you have a blowout fight with your boyfriend and all your friends trash him to make you feel better, but then you get back together and no one knows what to say. What? You think you have something to say? Really? Here--see for yourself:
Previously unseen to anyone because good god lady, this photo was taken 2 weeks before I gave birth to Zoey. Compare and contrast with my profile picture, i.e. what happened to my face? Yeah, good times ahead.
To summarize: I am totally over the moon happy that I am pregnant, my fetus the size of a grape, happy that leggings are on trend and overly grateful for steamed milk with vanilla syrup. But. That is all. But.