Friday, November 5, 2010

Did Someone Say Blog Fodder?

Here we go. I'm pregnant. 9 weeks, due June 9th, 2011. I am ecstatic, it's a miracle, Bryan is happy, Nacho perplexed and Zoey is thrilled. But enough about that.

Because I suck at being pregnant. Which is okay, I think, because I'm a good mom, but the truth is it's quite possible to suck ass at being pregnant, and I do. Of course before Zoey I totally thought I'd be one of those moms on the cover of Pregnancy magazine, glowing like a goddamned cliche, thin fingers resting on some sort of strap-on styrofoam belly. But I was not and am not. Pretty much from the minute Bryan rolled over I looked up and snapped WTF? I am tired and cranky, emotional, nauseated, spacey, sick, hungry and much too full. I throw up when I brush my teeth. It's beautiful, really. Wish you were here.

The difference between this pregnancy and my first is that this time I know what to expect, and it's not pretty. Because with Zoey I got pregnant face, which I didn't even know existed until months after I gave birth and saw a picture of myself still pregnant. Fat face, wide nose, flushed skin, double chin--when I smiled my face felt wrong and I could not breathe at all. Of course nobody told me then that I looked as if I had eaten Anne Geddes' darkroom but we all laughed about it later which was funny because it was over and I was normal again. Now of course I am staring down the barrel of bloat and the room has gotten suspiciously silent. It's like when you have a blowout fight with your boyfriend and all your friends trash him to make you feel better, but then you get back together and no one knows what to say. What? You think you have something to say? Really? Here--see for yourself:
Previously unseen to anyone because good god lady, this photo was taken 2 weeks before I gave birth to Zoey. Compare and contrast with my profile picture, i.e. what happened to my face? Yeah, good times ahead.

To summarize: I am totally over the moon happy that I am pregnant, my fetus the size of a grape, happy that leggings are on trend and overly grateful for steamed milk with vanilla syrup. But. That is all. But.

29 comments:

anita @ a dreamer's den said...

every pregnancy is different.
(plus -- i think you fantastic. at least your ass didn't get as big as the moon, like mine did...*50* pounds later.)

Acanthus and Acorn said...

Congrats!!! Oh, and you have great arms and legs!

Shannon said...

Awesome! I mean not pregnancy face awesome, but pregnancy awesome! Those last weeks were a blur for me, the pictures proved why, my eyes were practically swollen shut from the excess face weight. Congrats!

Sarah and Family said...

Well...your arms looks really skinny : )
Congrats.

elizabeth said...

I had the same fun when I was pregnant, barfed when brushing my teeth and had a total prego face... How do we not see it? It's so strange... but as the others have said, each one is different! Enjoy the ride!

salsero! said...

Hilarious! I totally sucked at being pregnant too.

I had pregnancy face after losing 15 pounds in the first trimester (from puking while doing just about anything). And my face just got bigger and wider. I'm surprised my head didn't explode. And that I don't have face stretch marks.

But congrats! I've been reading your blog for a while now and just love everything you have to say!

salsero! said...

Hilarious! I totally sucked at being pregnant too.

I had pregnancy face after losing 15 pounds in the first trimester (from puking while doing just about anything). And my face just got bigger and wider. I'm surprised my head didn't explode. And that I don't have face stretch marks.

But congrats! I've been reading your blog for a while now and just love everything you have to say!

Weitzell4 said...

Wow! Like Sarah and Family said... Your arms do look really skinny, so you have that. My weight was distributed totally differently my second pregnancy. I gained 8 less pounds, and had a baby that was a pound bigger, my belly was twice as big but the rest of me not. So, you never know, but just in case I would stay away from salt.

krista said...

i motherfrenching love you. you know that? kindred spirits, we are. you know what bryan told me when i was bloated and sobbing and complaining about acne and hormones and vomit and i looked like the 'before' picture in a plastic surgery ad? he said: 'you're cooking our baby. it's not supposed to be comfortable. the worse you feel, the better she'll come out. and i think you look beautiful. here, eat some vegetables.'

Molly said...

Whahahahahahah - I missed the pee stick post but I TOTALLY knew while reading your previous one that you were pregnant!
Seriously, suspicious absences by previously prolific bloggers almost always mean only one thing.
I couldn't look for it now but I remember a post ages ago where you said something about wanting another baby most in the whole world, and that made me sad, so this one, phat phace and all makes me very, very happy.
Go you!

sunshine said...

I think you might not look your best while pregnant just because your body is concentrating in gathering all the beauty for that wonderful being coming out of you. Just look at Zoe and think about the next most beautiful person that will be part of your life!!! You look beautiful anyway :)

Robin said...

June 9th is Micah's birthday :)

I sucked at being pregnant too, and I also thought I would be all glowey and serene. At least you know the babe will be worth it!

xo
R

Not Just Mom said...

Mazel tov, lady. Exciting! My twins are 6 months old and I'm only now rediscovering my ankles. I've missed them so much that I would make out with them if I were more limber. Here's to a healthy, happy pregnancy!

Anonymous said...

I couldn't look into a sink drain without throwing up. Really. Literally. Both pregnancies. I feel for you.

Petunia Face said...

"Every pregnancy is different" is totally going to be my mantra in my make-believe world of thinking I just look a little pregnant in profile, that's all.

jennifer said...

holy shit!
congrats:))

Sharon @ Real Estate Resuscitation said...

I feel your pain. I really do.

Anonymous said...

I'll take fodder for $500. : )

Erin said...

Aww, I remember the night that photo was taken so well. It was the last time we went out to dinner as 3 couples, 6 people, us 3 ladies all various sizes of belly but all weeks/months away from popping. The next time we all got together as families, our 6 became 9. Soon, there will be 12. We've doubled in size since that night in the photo -- how crazy! And as soon as number 12 arrives, you will remember that this crappy pregnancy stuff is worth allll the pain.

xo

Simply Mel said...

At least you didn't get pregnant ass or thighs!

BTW, note to self, don't read your posts while drinking ~ bad for the computer.

Karena said...

Susannah you look great!! I am really excited for you!!

Come and enter my new Giveaway....I know you will love it!!

xoxo
Karena
Art by Karena

s. said...

Wonderful news! Simply thrilled for you, Bryan, Zoe and - especially : ) - Nacho!

sherri said...

WOW! that is all kinds of fantastic! Congratulations!!!

Erin said...

That is truly bizarre. There's some old photos of my mom pregnant with me and she had total pregnancy face and was basically unrecognizable. I'm trying to conceive and fear the same fate will befall me. There are so many things to fear, though. Ugh.

Judy said...

Silly me....didn't even know you were "back". I think you know how absofuckinglutely ecstatic I am for you, Bry, ZoZo and Nacho. And, well Hell, your last pregnancy...no, not your finest hour of physical beauty but then they say that little girls "suck their Mom's Beauty"...and given Zoey, she surely did...but the great news is you also got it back when she was born....and then some! And, there's no telling what this pregnancy will bring. With Andy, I was a carbon copy of you
1st time around (guess he sucked my beauty cause he's awful cute!). I looked exactly like Agnes Gooch from "Auntie Mame" only worse-much worse. When my Dad saw hospital post delivery pixs (he was OB/GYN), he phoned me frantic-too-late muttering words about eclampsia....swollen face...humongus weight gain....blah, blah. With you, not so much-a very different pregancy. I'd have never made Pregnancy Mag cover but I looked a Hell of a lot better than with your Bro. Just for the record, I think this one's a Boy. I love you and miss you and Zoey. I know it is taking all your energy right now to work, care for Miss Z. and live life feeling the OVERWHELMING pregancy fatigue plus nausea, et. al. Just think, in less than 3 weeks, you'll hit the
2nd trimester and feel energetic and great!
Happy, Happy!
Grandma Glitter and Mom

Bearden 365 said...

oh I'm so excited for you!! With my April 06 baby I discovered I was TERRIBLE at being pregnant. I took hold of the mantra every pregnancy is different for #2--because how else on Earth could I go through THAT again. My opinion that I sucked at pregnancy was definitely confirmed with #2 but it was worth it.

I am way too excited to follow your journey!

Sarahviz said...

Congrats! And I feel your pain. I was a miserable pregnant person--3 times over.

Scribe said...

Congrats, congrats, congrats! I think you look great, especially when you're so close to the due date! Here's hoping for an easy, glowing pregnancy.

Carlie said...

Pregnancy face...that's what you call that. I had it too. All three times. Heh.