Thursday, June 11, 2009

Pani Sexy Legs Zde!

I have not shaved my legs in two weeks. Or my armpits.

This might as well be me. I have a zit on my chin and one on my forehead. While I have deigned to shower, I have not seen to it to did my hair, not that I have a 'do but a quick brush would be nice. I have been washing my face with baby wipes. What?
Please call me Hannasus Sniknej (Miss Sniknej if you're nasty). That's what Bryan and I say when the other is acting out of sorts or just plain evil: we call each other by our backwards names. Hannasus Ylac Sniknej: she is my Czech counterpart and does not have to shave her legs if she doesn't want to. Which she doesn't. But she will take a beer and some borscht, if you please. Now. Okamzik! (Bryan is Naryb Drahcir Mynoduesp, Of course his real last name is not Pseudonym but he has this weird rule about me not putting our last name on ye olde blog, so yeah. I can only write Sniknej because my Czech counterpart prefers to go by her maiden name. She's a true feminist like that. Note: hairy legs).
I don't know what it is lately, or I do but have vowed to punch myself in the face if I write one more time about moving boxes or waiting for the phone guy. Which I am. Again, today. Waiting for AT&T, 10 to 2, baby! I think I'm wearing on them as they have narrowed down their window from 12 hours to just 4. (Luckily my arms are the size and futility of a T-Rex, so I barely split my lip when I punch my own face in.) This move is sucking the forward motion right out of me.

One time, when we were in high school, Bryan and I went on a hike and for some reason I remember him telling me not to ever stop trying to look nice for him. I was wearing yellow stirrup pants. On the way back to the car we were running down the trail and I tripped and fell hard, bloodying my knee and tearing my pants. To be fair, when I bring this up to Bryan now he has no memory of ever saying that. I also remind him that one time he told me he liked his women bitchy. I believe it was right after we watched a Prince video, one of those from the early 90's starring the beautiful women with the mean eyes, and he denies ever saying that, too. C'mon, you know me, he says, I hate bitchy women! And he's right, he does. He's very laid back. But there is no such retort for not trying to look nice for him and I wish I still had those yellow stirrup pants because they would cover up my hairy legs like a charm.
Baby steps, people. Tonight I will unpack my razor. In the meantime, I am one Yxes Rekcufrehtom.

10 comments:

Lara said...

I made a comment to my mom the other day about how I thought my husband was "letting himself go". She said, "Do you think maybe he thinks the same about you?" I shaved that night.

Vanessa said...

I am perpetually single these days, and it's been chilly and raining here in Sweden. So there is no earthly reason for me to shave anything. I hate it.

Maggie May said...

You could get some yellow stirrup pants on Craigslist, used, and a razor, used, and shave, and he'd probably love it. I'm sure of it.

nicole said...

i so want to braid that ladies leg hair

krista said...

is anyone else stuck singing 'yxes rekcufrehtom' a la prince or is it just me?

s. said...

In some cultures, men find hairy women unbelievably yxes. So, maybe Nayrb can just do some mental tourism, and pretend he's on the other side of the world and suddenly his hirsute wife will seem like the most ravishing creature he's ever seen. Worth a try; more fun than caving in and shaving.

Patti-atti said...

That chick is freaking me out. Her eyes aren't both looking at me, her left hand is in an unnatural claw position, her right leg looks like it ends at the knee and.. what is she doing with her right HAND?

Tyra would NOT be impressed, to say the least. She is certainly not smiling with her eyes, nor is she fierce.

Sorry, the photo distracted me so much. Think of how positively sexy you are, hairy legs and all, compared to that poor lady. I'm sure Bryan will agree!

Jessie said...

You in yellow stirrup pants = AWESOME.

Hairy legs or not. :)

Mademoiselle Frou-Frou said...

whoa, those legs are something else!!
xoxo
www.froufroufashionista.blogspot.com

arollerskatingjam said...

I haven't shaved my legs all year, so there. My husband has gotten used to it, but I frequently have dreams that I'm in short shorts(never) or a skirt and have forgotten that my legs are a forest. It's interesting. I've got to shave soon, or I won't be able to until after the baby comes in November.