Monday, July 14, 2008

A Tale of Two Cities and One Day, That Being the First

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. It was my first day. So as not to be quite as wordy as old man Dickens, here is my summary of Day One (and counting):
Things I Like About The New Job:

  1. Throughout the day the company provides healthy snacks gratis: granola bars and organic fruit in a big bowl just like in your momma's kitchen.
  2. There is a free gym that I will never ever use in this lifetime of chai with donuts and tunics worn long and breezy. But it is there and free and that makes me feel as if I am getting a deal and if there is one thing I like better than a donut it is a deal. Or a deal on donuts! Baker's dozen!
  3. The commute is easy-peasy. Even though I have to drive to across a bridge and to another county, I actually get to pick up my daughter earlier than I ever did at The Old Job that just so happened to be two exits from my house.
  4. The girls with whom I work don't seem to be the type who would mind that I might call them "the girls with whom I work." They seem as if they respect the proper placement of a preposition plus they knew who I was talking about (about whom I was talking!) when I referenced Jocelyn Wildenstein at lunch.
  5. The girls with whom I work seemed not to be too alarmed with my non sequitur regarding one Jocelyn Wildenstein.
  6. If I wish to donate to charity the company will match my donation up to $500 per year!
  7. Next Friday there is a company Luau at lunch and everyone is urged to wear Hawaiian attire.

It was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness...

Things I Don't Like About The New Job:
  1. Next Friday there is a company Luau at lunch and everyone is urged to wear Hawaiian attire.
  2. If I wish to donate to charity they will match my donation for up to $500 per year, which makes me feel like a total shit if I don't donate to charity.
  3. They do not provide free tampons in the restrooms. Come to think of it, neither did my old job or the one before that. But still. I think they should, I don't know why. Perhaps I will start a petition tomorrow, my second day? Or perhaps set up a charity to provide free feminine hygiene in the workplace, and then the company must match it with $500 worth of Have a Happy Period? I will be the Silkwood of Menses.
  4. Above my desk was a signed Josie and the Pussycats movie poster. I say 'was' because I immediately threw that shit away and while it is now long gone I fear that my area will forever be tainted with the ghost of Tara Reid's pre-op abs.
  5. If I were Wild Bill Hickok I would be veeerrry unhappy with my seat, one corner of a design bull-pen. And let's face it: I am Wild Blog Hickok and need me some privacy. I'm thinking of getting a fish eye mirror to glue to my monitor like they have in the corner of the 7-11. That way I can see if anyone is stealing Slurpees behind me. Although...
  6. After yesterday's comments about getting fired for blogging at work I am completely paranoid about the whole thing. I am thinking of having the letters 'b,' 'l,' 'o' and the letter 'g' removed from my keyboard at work. Failing that I am thinking of changing the name of my blog from http://www.petuniafacedgirl.blogspot.com/ to http://www.howtosaveyouremployermoneyandboostsalesallwhileonyourlunchbreak.blogspot.com/ because surely that would not raise any IT flags, right? And then you could read it all day long at your places of employment, as well, safe in the knowledge that if anything, reading this here blog might bode well for your next review? Let me noodle on this one...

We had everything before us, we had nothing before us... But we'll always have this:

Off to Day Two! Happy Tuesday to you!

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

Silkwood of Menses.
If I ever write a blog I'm using that name.Priscilla

benson said...

The pros outweigh the negatives...that's good. In my job, people wear embroidered sweaters with pumpkins, Christmas Trees, or some other ornamentation celebrating the time of year. Or, appliqued apples are good year round--yeesh--total negative.

Sarah's Fab Day said...

I love that you name dropped Jocelyn Wildenstein! You're lucky when I've done that all I get are blank stares and then I try to explain you know that New York socialite-chick who wants to look like a cat? Still nothing.

Ana said...

...ugh! I can't even look at that woman without throwing up a little bit in my mouth...
So glad that the job has more pros than cons!!
No more ups brown polo shorts, chanting or having to listen to how the stock is going to triple in the next few months....!!!

hej said...

"It was the best of times. It was the worst of times, ...." - ol' Charlie Dickens

Jocelyn Wildenstein? Never heard of her.

Jennifer said...

Three things:

Silkwood of Menses? Brill-yant.

I can't believe you didn't ebay that Tara Reid nonsense!

I have met the Bride of Wildenstein. Twice. I know you're jealous.

The Nerdy Fashionista said...

oh no! I didn't mean to make you paranoid! I just want you to be careful, is all, esp. since your actual face and name are all over the blog. It doesn't take much effort to be careful--don't slag off your company, coworkers or clients (common sense), and, well, I probably wouldn't write the blog at work. I think Jocelyn Wildenstein is a positive omen, though. :)

JackeeG4glamorous said...

Yeah, Sus, "Silkwood of Menses" makes you my GodessBlogess! Or BlogessGoddess. The butter to my bread, the tampon to my period!
I'm glad it went ok, your workday!

Kiss the Zoe goodnight, and blog away, but don't fail me now girl.

I *Heart* You said...

the luau comment made me think of office scape straight away. please oh please take and post pics from said luau!

it sounds as though you have some mighty fine perks at this new job! instead of granola and organic fruit my place of employment buys every kind of soda under the son and enough candy to make halloween feel like a perpetual holiday. i am gaining weight just typing about it. oh, and tampons are 25¢. it seems whom ever you are replacing at said new job is a douche hence the poster, signed no less, so you probably already have points with your new coworkers for simply not being that person. hopefully day 2 is going well!!!

Sweet Addie said...

I stumbled upon your blog today, should be scrubbing poop out of my three yr olds underoos (seriousely, he poops his pants just to watch me have a fit!), but I wanted to let you know you made me chuckle! I will be visiting often now! Good luck with the job!

-Kelly

Misplaced Country Girl said...

My desk is in the corner too allowing for little privacy. When you order that mirror see if they are running a two for one deal. I'll totally go in with you. See if they'll throw in some donuts too.

Petunia Face said...

Oh my god. Dad--I am SO embarrassed. OF COURSE IT'S DICKENS! I was writing too fast, blah blah, excuses, please come take away my English degrees.

The Lil Bee said...

I can't even take it...you managed to blog about Jocelyn Wildenstein and Josie and the Pussycats in one post?! This might be my favorite post EVER!!

corine said...

It's nice to finally put a face to your name.

No I'm kidding.

Kathi D said...

But if you get fired for blogging I think you get totally famous and book deals and never have to work again and stuff.

Erin said...

Sounds promising! yay!

Anonymous said...

We get the free tampons at work, but considering the price of fruit - organic fruit, no less - I'd much rather have your freebies. Especially since the brand of tampons is Naturelle, a name of which I've never heard. I fear that my vajayjay is suffering on a monthly basis from unidentified absorbent material.