Wednesday, April 8, 2015

5 Things That Have Nothing To Do With Each Other (And 1 Thing That Does)

The first few weeks after I had Ozzy I binge watched Mob Wives while chained to my couch, breastfeeding. After the postpartum hormones wore off, I discovered Mad Men. I thought about that on Sunday as we watched the last of the Mad Men episodes. How right after my mom died we watched Nurse Jackie, something in there about nursing a connection, or pills...Breaking Bad saw us through moving from one house to the other, we watched Weeds even when we didn't want to anymore, how in the weeks leading up to me leaving for Israel we watched Friday Night Lights like it was our job, clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose, me so scared and mesmerized by Tim Riggins' hair. Binge watching these shows like a time stamp, how.

Yesterday, against my better judgment, I watched 3 hours of Keeping Up With The Kardashians, mostly because I am kurious about Bruce. But nothing was mentioned about him, so then I Googled Kim Kardashian's sex tape, 8 years after the fact, and wow. I must be getting old because it made me so very sad.

I judge the shit out of anyone who puts the extra 'e' in judgment. Then I feel bad for being judgey, because judgey is not even a real word and seems like it needs that 'e.'

There is a checker at the grocery store near my house who always comments on my food choices. I don't like his face. I would get uncomfortable every time I went to the store, anticipating what he might say about blueberries and bread, so I decided to try to imagine him as a little boy and me being his mom. I thought maybe it was cute how he comments on everything, and now I love him a little bit, if that makes sense.

I have been living out my childhood fantasy of playing library by volunteering in Zoey's school library once a week. Stamping books, sshhhing people, admiring selections, putting people to task for forgetting to turn books is everything I ever thought it would be. And more! The week after next I am volunteering at the Scholastic Book Fair. I am totally buying that kitten poster I always wanted as a kid.

Last week I bought Zoey and Ozzy new betta fish which they promptly named Plumeria and Firetuck. I will let you guess who named who. Though don't get too attached, as this morning Plumeria was found dead. They were in separate bowls, so Firetruck had nothing to do with Plumeria's early demise.


Jules said...

Did you know that I'm the volunteer librarian at the boys' school? I've never been happier.

Petunia Face said...

Yes Jules! I was actually going to send you a message on FB. Librarians rock! Stamp on, sister!

Amendi said...

This made my day. Thank you.

Megatron said...

this was fucked up and beautiful. thank you.

Anonymous said...

This might seem strange, but what happened to Mr. X? One of my favorite parts of your blog was his comments.
Not the same without him. Aside from that, keep hanging in there, Susannah! I miss your blog when you don't post.

Petunia Face said...

Not a strange question at all. I've been wondering the same thing myself...hope Mr. X is ok!

We miss you!

kerwin said...

I got/get pissed off at people or generally "get away from me" with people, fairly regularly. But then I had Annie and I kind of do the same thing that you did with the checkout guy. I think of the annoying people as someone's kid. Everyone is someone's Annie. So I try to treat them how I would want her to be treated. And then I cry at myself when I am a jerk. I am not 100% I am winning this game.