Sunday, January 25, 2015

Day +12 How Many Times Per Hour Can A Rat Copulate?

Not to make you feel inferior, but 40.
40 fucking times, that's how many times a rat can copulate per hour.

And if you're wondering how this is germane to Israel or stem cells or the price of oil, I will tell you: it's because in my medically-imposed bubble I have become addicted to an app called Trivia Crack. I play at all hours of the day with people I know, sure, but more often than not with complete strangers. We meet up in the dark alleys of the www and spin the wheel of stupid facts. Quite frankly, I am so bored that had there been an app for actual crack, I would probably be doing that, too. (Note to Self: don't search to see if there is a crack delivery app because there probably is.) (Addendum to Note to Self: if no such app exists, it may be a good business opportunity; the name could be Get Whacked, an homage to Whitney Houston. Funny/not funny/too soon?)

In other news, I was leaving bristle-y whiskers all over my everything, like maybe I had a creepy old man watching me sleep, so I took it down a notch. Or seven.
Figured might as well, it was going to happen anyway, the water's warm, and all that.
Except of course it's not. My head gets cold now, and since I spend most of my time alone I have realized that overwhelmingly my thoughts are in the flat monotone of the original SNL Coneheads. It's unsettling to say the least.

Now for the serious. I managed to get a peek at today's blood work, mostly because I just flat out asked, and here it is.
No offense, but probably 98% of you don't know what any of this means. I sure didn't. Basically, the numbers to pay attention to are my monocytes% (now at 27.4), and my neutrophil number, now at zilch. No neutrophils means no home, and I have begun to ask that question a lot, can I go home yet? Like a wheedling kid who hates Camp WinnaImmunebow so much she starts to fuck up her lanyards on purpose. So today they gave me the first of twice daily neupogen injections, a stinging little mofo of a shot that actually comes with a spring-loaded needle. Hopefully this will stimulate my bone marrow to make white blood cells, and I can go home in about 10 days.

In the meantime, there is this: What builds a domed nest? The Ovenbird, and if you tell me you knew that just off the top of your head I am going to stab you with my God's Eye.



Jules said...

I did know it was the Ovenbird, but only because it's the national bird of Argentina and as a child my dad used to tell us stories about all the birds he saw when he visited his Uncle's ranch in the summer. There is also the Bicho Feo, which has a very distinctive call. My dad would whistle it if we were outside (or heaven forbid, lost in a crowd) so we knew it was him. We would whistle it back to give him an idea of where we were.

I hope you get to come home soon. <3 <3

Gretchen said...

How many times can Ovenbirds copulate per hour? Someone out there knows.

Here's to good news soon and home to your loves.

Mr. X said...

Okay, let's see if Trivia Crack can answer the age-old question:

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

Are you sleeping well, these days? Also, I'm curious if the hospital food is any good?

It has always mystified me how most U.S. hospitals feed patients such slop. Hopefully, it's better in Tel Aviv.


Mr. X

Nancy Fastenau said...

OMG you get to start all over with new hair! Think of all the hairstyles you can try out. Zoey will be happy to help with that. Can hardly wait to see the hear shots change. Next you have to show us stylish ways to keep it warm. It is not warm here.

Petunia Face said...

Jules, you're excused from the wrath of the my God's Eye simply because that's a good reason for knowing about the Ovenbird.

Mr. X, I'm actually not in a hospital. This is all done in a clinic, and I am staying in a hotel room that is connected to the clinic. The nurses are available at all hours, but I normally take the elevator to the clinic for blood tests, etc. That being said, my food situation sucks. Chemo makes everything taste weird anyway, then there is the slim list of foods I'm allowed to eat with no immune system paired with the strangeness of a different culture. However, they have given me something wonderful to sleep, so I'm a happy camper. (No idea what it is though as it's in Hebrew.)

Gretchen, Nancy, all--thank you so much for reading, commenting, and sending me so much support.


Bella Rum said...

You look gorgeous, dahling!
Hope you're home soon.

Anonymous said...

Will your hair grow back curly or straight? You think the color will change too? If you're bored you could take some markers and make draw yourself some curls. Nadir would love it (not)!
I truly hope that you can leave in 10 days. You're definitely home for Valentine's Day - you'll get new appreciation for days like these.
My fingers are crossed!

Anonymous said...

So-totally not important, but how come your eyelashes aren't falling out? I mean, your face is gorgeous and your lashes are exquisite...are they going to stick around?

Glad you are sleeping at least.

Petunia Face said...

Good question about eyelashes (and brows), and one that is too important to me. Sometimes they don't fall out but just thin. I am hoping that will be the case with me!

Cathi said...

Hoping you get to go home soon!

Anonymous said...

I'm not anonymous, not really, I just couldn't remember my Google account. Susannah, you are beautiful with or without your hair. That said, I am one huge believer in the power of prayer, even if you my dear are not. I am singing your song, when you forgot the words. I pray.
Love and hugs. Jackee (aka runswithscissors my ol blog name)