Friday, January 23, 2015

Day +10 Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes (Nod to David Bowie, Always)

They said I would know when to shave my head. I'm guessing what they meant was when you're in the shower and big clumps of hair come out as you gently shampoo it, making you feel sick to your stomach while you repeat it's ok, it's ok, it's ok even though it feels anything but, that is when you know it's time to shave your head. 

Of course first I called Bryan at work all panicked and sobbing, making him promise to still find me sexy. Not sure if I was on speaker phone or not, but a promise is a promise and his whole office will hold him to it.

Then I did this.
Let me just say that there is nothing more surreal than standing in a bathroom shaving your head with your dad. We tried to have fun, but it was emotional/awkward/just really fucking weird for both of us.
This is my you talking to me? Other impromptu sketches included skinhead, Lilith Fair attendee, I pity the fool, and office guy with weekend warrior corporate faux hawk. Also? I never knew I had a.) such a small head, and b.) such man hands.

Then we took it down a notch and shit got real. 
 Nowhere to hide. 

The good news is my ears don't stick out. The bad news is I look like a man and am really going to have to up my lipstick & lash game.

For the most part, you'll probably see me like this:
Although part of me thinks the hat makes me look more chemo-y. Then again, soon even my stubble will fall out and there will be no denying that this is not a fashion choice or even a lifestyle choice but a choice to look like the hairless cat that I have always wanted even though no one will let me get one. See? Deny me my Sphynx and I shall rise looking every bit the Spynxter! Wait, no...
Whatever. Bowie had it right when he said Just gonna have to be a different (wo)man. Because time may change me...but I can't trace time.

xo,
S

24 comments:

Jen said...

Hair or no hair, I think you're beautiful. xx

Liz Hansen said...

i think you look like sinead o'connor in the 90s. super stunning!

Rebecca, Old Coworker said...

Susannah...you look magnificent!

Anonymous said...

I chime in too: you are beautiful with or without hair. You need a nice Hermes scarf to drape around like the African ladies do.

You're a strong, brave woman and an inspiration to all of us.

Petunia Face said...

Normally, of course, it feels cringe-y to accept compliments. But eff that--this is one time I really need them, and really, truly thank you for your comments!

Mornings with Milo said...

Girl girrrrl GIRL!! Beautiful just wow. You sure make a shaved head look glamorous. Hang in there, we're all cheering you on!

Nancy Fastenau said...

I concur. You are still the beautiful woman you have always been. No fooling! Did you get the cap I sent? I hope you like it.

Petunia Face said...

I did get the hat Nancy. Thank you! Perfect for when I feel not sparkly enough. :)

nada said...

you are beautiful. always.

Mr. X said...

You definitely do NOT look like a man. Not even close. If men looked like that, I would be gay. Super gay. So gay, you'd have to spell it "ghey."

I've been buzzing my head since I was about 26. So, in my eyes, buzzed domes are no big deal. But, when I first did, it felt weird.

Anyway, you look awesome. Seriously. Google Demi Moore's photo in "G.I. Jane" -- you're a ringer.

You're in my thoughts daily.

xo,
Mr. X

Anonymous said...

Laughing out loud over today's post. You look so beautiful and I must say, you have a perfectly shaped head. Honestly, even without hair you put most women to shame. I kind of hate Nadir. He sounds like an enormous douche. Tell him he is disliked globally for not treating you with TLC. Hang-in there and tell your dad we want to see a photo of him too. He is my hero for being there with you and I know you realize how lucky you are to have him with you on this journey. Sending your hair follicles support and inspiration for a hasty return.

Michele Ryan said...

I've been a long time reader of your blog from afar. I don't know you personally but your writing has always been some of my favorite. And from here I'm at a loss for words... I want to tell you how beautiful you are, stunning even. I want to tell you that I appreciate your insecurities and your strength. I want to tell you that I am proud of you and scared for you and that I love you but it all comes out weird and slightly stalkerish, so instead I will tell you, thank you for the laughter and the tears you have brought into my life with your writing. May this rebirth bring the best years of your life. XOXO -M

Anonymous said...

Susannah...you look fucking beautiful!!!! No, seriously. Your eyes are amazing. And you will always be my, "IT girl."
Loves,
Brandi

Buff said...

Ok seriously, you look amaze balls with the shaved head! In the midst of this scary, no doubt gut wrenching experience, you look like a bad ass mutha fucka! Correction...you ARE a bad ass mutha fucka!

Mindy said...

You look fabulous without hair; your eyes are beautiful. You are rocking the chemo look!

Gretchen said...

You are beautiful. Stunning, actually. It's not just that you have a lovely face. You do. But you have a light and a strength that shines through, even at this difficult, awkward, unsure time.

A Perfect Gray said...

omg you are stunning.

krista kulisch said...

oh my word. you look fucking beautiful! and this sounds strange considering one really wouldn't tell you that you looked horrible because, well, um...who would do that? but seriously. you look AMAZING! you WERK the shaved head. no joke. xo.

Cathi said...

You look absolutely beautiful!!!

Up Mama's Wall said...

Holy Hell, if I had eyes like that, I'd shave my head all the time. You look absolutely stunning and intense and powerful and totally womanly.

Also, how sick is it that I felt a tiny pang of jealousy because of your collar bones?

kirsten said...

You look amazing. I found myself about to type, "You're so lucky you can rock that hair" which is dumb because you're of course not lucky to be going through this. But you are stunning.

gbm said...

Aww, you still look beautiful!!!!!!

eRin said...

Krista speaks the truth.

eRin said...

I love the mid-shave photos, you look super fierce. And you are really, truly lovely with stubble. If there is any possible way, try to enjoy this weird new state,