Thursday, November 20, 2014

In My Own Head (As If I Could Ever Be In Anyone Else's)

So this place, this blog, it's pretty much my mind. Which is why I haven't posted in awhile. I haven't really wanted to hang out with my mind much. I'd rather hang out with a book or any Real Housewife; I'd rather sleep. Truth is, I am so freaking bored of myself and my story, this stuff that's going on. I'm tired of thinking about my health, of talking about Tel Aviv, of being the topic of conversation, even when that conversation is in my head. It seems that no matter what is going on, my mind turns to, well--here, let me show you...

Pretend Conversation You: Hey, what do you think about this whole Bill Cosby thing?
Pretend Conversation Me: I don't know. Reminds me of that time I was diagnosed with MS.
Pretend Conversation You: ?

Let's try that again.

Pretend Conversation You: Did you see Piperlime is having a 25% off sale?
Pretend Conversation Me: Really? I should see if they have any cute beanies. You know. For when I go bald. From the chemo. For my stem cell transplant. You know, the one that is ONLY 45 DAYS AWAY.
It's exhausting. And boring. And that's to me, in my own mind. I can't imagine what it's like for the people around me. So I haven't really known how to blog lately, how to keep the delicate balance of honesty with entertainment, how not to lapse into the sturm und drang of a woman on the edge of something, loading up shopping carts across the www with beanies and scarves, earrings that won't make her look like a goddamn fortune teller. 

Because for the record, here's what I think of that whole Bill Cosby thing: we will never ever know the truth, but the damage has been done one way or the other anyway.What else is there to say about any of it?



Richie Designs said...

I've been thinking about you lady. Hey can we send you cards / real mail? or is that too many cooties?

of course it might take for.ever to get to you and you'll be all well and shite and home with long hair before it arrives. but we could send you stuff just for the hell of it and see if it works.

also, as someone with chronic pain. I understand being sick of your head and thinking about it. I do. I'm so tired of dr appts and pain mgmt people. I have a minimum of 3 appts every week to keep it in check these days. I think you'll get to say "that time years ago when I had MS" which will be the best thing EVER.

I can't wait for that part. it will be the best.

Anonymous said...

Man, you can make me laugh even when talking about MS! You did see that RHOBH started up again, right? A great distraction.

Anonymous said...

Man, you can make me laugh even when talking about MS! You did see that RHOBH started up again, right? A great distraction

Petunia Face said...

I'm afraid you probably can't send me cards and such while I'm in Tel Aviv because of the germs. I'll be in effective isolation, so no contact with the outside. But emails! And funny videos! Just no videos of germs. :)

Richele, I had no idea you were still in chronic pain. Ugh. I am sorry. Let's hope for a day when we will both say "remember when," and laugh about it.

Anon--thank you. :)