Monday, July 2, 2012

Monday Morning Mom Porn


Forgive me Walt Whitman, for I have sinned. I read all three of the Fifty Shades of Grey books, although they were absolutely terrible. I don’t know why I did it, other than wanting to stay culturally relevant with maybe a side order of sexy. Truth be told they weren’t even sexy, what with all that Inner Goddess crap and the cupping of her sex. Bitch please, you were totally faking it. Then last night I saw Magic Mike and felt dirty once again, at least until Anne Lamott sat a few seats away from us. I mean, if beefcake is good enough for Anne Lamott on a Sunday night, then who am I to feel bad?

Though I must admit I sat through half the movie hoping that if I said something clever out loud she just might maybe turn to me and say, you should totally be published! Let me make that happen for you! Kind of like the time George Lucas was sitting at the table next to me at a breakfast place and I spent 30 minutes eating my eggs in such a way as to be discovered. Of course this was before I saw what he did with Boba Fett.
This has nothing to do with Star Wars, Fifty Shades, or Anne Lamott, but it's Channing Tatum as a tween girl and I like it.

Happy Monday,
S

10 comments:

eRin said...

Thanks for convincing me NOT to read Fifty Shades of Grey. I'd been thinking about it, but I am usually sorely disappointed every time I read something that everyone is raving about. Except Harry Potter, that was legitimate, of course. I've pretty much stopped checking out these fad best-sellers, unless someone whose taste I actually trust has something flattering to say...

Kelly said...

A trusted reader pal told me that she kept reading and reading compulsively because she kept WAITING for the sexy/dirty parts to show up.

And Anne Lamott going to see "Mike" gives that movie a few more points in my book. Huh.

Jules said...

I am standing firm and still refuse to read 50 Shades of Grey...no matter how tempted (for the same reasons you mentioned) I might be.

Magic Mike I don't feel so bad about wanting to see. ;)

Petunia Face said...

If I can save a handful of people from reading Fifty Shades of Gray then I have made a positive impact on the world. Cause that shit is bad.

I, too, kept compulsively reading sure that something was going to happen. Otherwise why was everyone reading it? Alas, nothing happened but more of the same no-way-in-hell-did-that-happen sex and cheesy references to Christian's gray eyes.

Rolerkite said...

i read the first 50 shades, and by "read" i mean I listened to the audio book on my commute home, and I have to say the BEST part of the book is listening to the narrator flip from her impression of a deep husky man voice to a curious and innocent female voice during the sex scenes. Also, I'm pretty sure the author must be a virgin, or hoping her readers are because everyone knows things just don't work that way.

Caroline said...

You're such a wonderful writer. I've kept Petunia Face on my feeder forever! Why not self publish something on something like Amazon?

Appletree said...

what's not to like about Channing Tatum?
except his made up name

arollerskatingjam said...

Once I ate a burger next to George AND Linda Ronstadt at Phyllis'. I didn't even THINK of trying to eat so fabulously I'd be discovered. Thank god I didn't try to croon something either.

Caroline said...

Have you read Penelope Trunk before? I couldn't help but think of you as I read this: http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2012/07/09/how-i-got-a-big-advance-from-a-big-publisher-and-self-published-anyway/

Anonymous said...

What really makes me mad about these terribly written best sellers is that I didn't write them and make the money! Hey, I can write badly too, dammit! Why don't we do it?

It is amazing, though, as a social commentary. How did it happen?