Monday, March 1, 2010

ZoJack'ed

Dear Person Who Found My Blog At 11:29 On Saturday Night By Searching For Images of "Children's Panties" on Bing:
Back the fuck away. Seriously. This is no joke. I have your IP address which means I tracked down your name. I know where you live Mr. Livingston, New Jersey, and I have no problem giving your information to the FBI Child Predator Unit. Think I wouldn't? Try me.

Dear Everyone Else Who Might Read Me All the Time Or Maybe You Simply Stumbled Here After Googling Zebra Carcasses, Commuting or Both: My apologies for starting your work week off staring down the barrel of a gun. I could be wrong, but I don't think this is indicative of the rest of your week.

People suck. Sick fucks, this is not news, yet still I am surprised. Disgusted. Panicked, angry, saddened and everything in between. (You'd be surprised how many emotions live between hatred and despair.) I have deleted any photos of my daughter that might raise an eyebrow, or other. Going forward, I will write into the shadows as much as from a clean well-lighted place called Starbucks.

Maybe I am overreacting, sure. It wouldn't be the first time. When Nacho was a kitten we had him micro-chipped, a small something under the nape of his neck with our information. He is ours. He lives here. Please return him. If I could I would do the same in a second to Zoey. Better yet a lojack system that would tell me where she is at all times. Beepbeeep! Oh, I can hear it now, the right to privacy all Constitutional and civil libertarian. But she is only 3, and let's be honest here--I have not gone to the bathroom by myself for years now, Zoey at my knees asking what stinks. I think we laid bare any invasion of privacy the minute I got a plus sign on the pregnancy test, the veins on my breasts suddenly bright blue like a map. She lives here, she is mine, do not even touch her.

I don't want you to think that I think the world is ugly. More importantly, I don't want Zoey to think that I think the world is fucked. Outside the air smells like spring, calla lilies line our driveway. The other morning I saw a young man give a homeless guy a hot bagel all wrapped up which is not so terribly wonderful in and of itself except that they then shook hands and did that little half-man hug that guys do and I wanted to cry. The world is heartbreakingly beautiful and perfect but broken; what I trust more than anything battery-powered is that the only way to ensure my child's safety is some good old fashioned low-tech parental vigilance. I am not afraid.

Happy Monday, you guys. It may not seem it--most cities cannot even pay for street sweepers anymore--but it is, and we are. Clean, happy and strong.
xo,
S

34 comments:

Vanessa said...

Oh, Susannah, I'm sorry you had to experience that. It's so bizarre, we all know there are crazy fucks like that out there, but it's another to see the evidence. Thank you for not staying quiet about it. I don't know what else to say...

mosey said...

Whaaaat? Okay, that's scary. Ugh, I'm sorry. I question every day the words/photos I post. My blog can't be searched in Google, but still.

Scribe said...

WTF Susannah! He (they) should be castrated, spade and neutered. It's a shame a world that has the opportunity to be so clean, healthy and strong can have those vile bits on display and in reach of our children and our safety. Good on you for posting this.

Still Life With Coffee said...

AAAAAAAAAHHHH....yuck, yuck, yuck.
some people should not be allowed to have computers.
and I love what you say about the world being heartbreakingly beautiful yet broken

jennifer said...

nothing to say but sorry. this makes me sad and angry!

Duel Living said...

I get all kinds of crazy google searches to my blog. I had someone from South Africa search "Girl Date Porn" and somehow that landed him on my site. Shudder. I didn't know you could find out someone's name from their IP...that's good to know for the future.
I'm sorry that you feel so violated...stupid f*cking pedophiles! No one is safe.

goodniteirene said...

fantastic post! kick that fucking sick perv's ass cyber style!!
so sorry you had to deal with that!!!

sherri said...

ewwwwww.

Cindy said...

Wow. Not sure what to say here. Such a horrible thing to have to discuss, yet you still managed to turn it into a sadly beautiful post.

I want to play devil's advocate for just a moment, keeping in mind that I do NOT have a blog or experince with tracking this sort of thing: How do you know for sure this person wasn't just shopping for a daughter's clothing? Sorry if my question is naive!

I would not want to go up against this protective mama! ♥ Good for you, S!

xo

Mrs. Blandings said...

My world tipped a little sideways the first time I got incest porn spam on my site. So sorry that yours was so personal. I think you should send the FBI the information anyway.

Richie Designs said...

I think you should turn the name over anyway. really.

if the person was bing-ing or whatever that – this ain't their first time at the rodeo.

ZDub said...

OMGOMGOMGOMFG

No fucking way they are shopping for clothing. Moms wouldn't Google that; we drive our asses to Target and just buy it.

What did Bryan say?

Erin said...

Ok that is disgusting but I really love the homeless-guy-bagel-gift thing.

Anita Davis said...

the word "panties" is sexual; no way in hell he was shopping.
send his name in to the feds.

topsyturvydays said...

so sorry. this comes the day after I heard about an abduction attempt in our quiet little suburb. It makes me sad. It depresses me. But most of all it makes me MAD! Good for you for speaking up.

JennyA said...

the first time i read your blog, this was my thought actually, that anyone could find it and anyone means anyone. would you consider asking people to enroll as a subscriber or do you think that would limit your reading audience?

anyway, i'm so glad you can trace IP addresses. it does make you less vulnerable. it gives you power. xo

Petunia Face said...

Thank you all for your responses.

I think I was naive. Now I'm not.

I will send the IP address to the FBI--if the person was innocently looking for toddler skivvies, no harm! (But I think not.)

I get lots of strange drive-by's of people finding me via funky words and phrases, and that's fine. I have been known to funk with the best of them. But I stop at pics of my girl and possible ick.

No.

xo,
S

beachbungalow8 said...

makes me sick. I'm glad you've removed everything.

Simply Mel said...

holy shit...I'm disgusted. How did you discover this? Sickens me that one can't post or share things without being preyed upon by perverts. Sean and I always question whether we should post Gaia's photos, and I am more and more conscious about NOT doing it anymore.

I had some weird ass thing happen the other day when out with Gaia. A group of people (not tourists) pulled out their camera phones and started taking photos of Gaia playing with some toy in a store. I got all MAMA Bear on them and demanded they stop...never even asked me if they could take a photo. Claimed they just wanted to make her their screen saver since she was so beautiful....
WTF? Go take pictures of cute puppies or something - not my child!

Geli said...

You cannot be careful enough when it comes to
your children. I once put a 2 min video of my daughter on youtube when she was around six years old. Nothing special, her just dancing around which was so cute and I intended to send the link to the grandparents thinking that no one else would find
it. Well, the very next day, I received an email from
youtube that my daughter's video was bookmarked as a "favorite" by some old geezer in Brazil and he would be notified if any other videos would become available from my account. Needless to say I immediately erased everything and I am even reluctant to show videos of the dog - well, not really but I have gotten a bit more paranoid.

Stacey said...

Frankly, I'm surprised that you're surprised Susannah. What do you expect when you post naked or nearly naked photos of your little girl on the internet?

Also, last time I checked searching the internet for panties of any kind was not a felony, nor should it be. The unfortunate part is that your blog is popping up under these searches, right?

my favorite and my best said...

i have no tolerance for fucking child panty sniffers...i would kill someone. i would really really kill someone.

Petunia Face said...

Stacey,
Frankly I'm surprised that you're surprised that I'm surprised... Surprise!

Whatever. You are not my enemy, and I said it myself--I was naive. I.e. stupid. In other words: lesson learned.

However, I never posted naked photos of my child, thankyouverymuch. I will not get into a debate on my parenting skills because I know I'm an excellent mother.

Just for the record: The post in question was from 2008. It was a bit about potty training, getting Z excited about big girl undies. There was a pic of her that showed her back and a reflection of her front chest in the mirror, nothing else. Like I said: never again.

I go back and forth on whether or not I should do anything because you're right--searching for "children's panties" is not illegal. But it is highly suspect, and most moms here have confirmed my suspicions. What is better to do? Send in the info with the possibility it is nothing? Or not send it in with the possibility it is something?

The only thing I know for certain (and can control) is my own part.

-S

Sadie at heyMamas said...

Wow, that is super scary but holy shit so are you tracking Livingston New Jersy down like that. I wouldn't even begin to know how to do that. Man, that was cool.

Sadie at heyMamas

Maggie May said...

Oh God.

Everything feels fucked up right now.

Robin said...

wow...that makes me so sad/angry/disturbed...

you should absolutely report the name/ip address

Michelle M in KY said...

OH SUSANNAH...
I am so completely shocked! This kind of thing just makes me want to go out and well...I will not elaborate on exactly what I would do.
I am so very sorry for this scare. I would definitely turn over the info.. If this is some type of perv., then it's not his first time. He could be one of those I see on Law & Order who sits in his apt. all day searching for photos of children, planning his next move. Turn it over, grab your daughter, squeeze her tight and take a deep breath. We Mothers have to be vigilant and I am proud of you, and standing right beside you in the fight to protect our kids!

Mighelle M in KY said...

OH SUSANNAH...
I forgot to tell you...to hell with "constitutional" whatever...I would so totally have all 3 of mine implanted with a chip/beeping mechanism...whatever would keep them safe. It's our right too & our responsibility to keep them safe! I'm with you!

Katie said...

Oh my gosh, I really think you're reaching on this one. Googling words like "panties" is not a crime, however Googling the name of your 3 year old daughter could be seen as such. See the difference? That persons search was not intended to find you, but it did because of content you put on your own blog.

If you want to keep your daughter safe, why not keep her off the Internet? Stop posting pictures of your house, and maybe keep your families names a bit more private. It's crazy to put everything out into the world and then be surprised when it goes sideways.

Kwana said...

Great post. People sure can piss you off and then bring you back up. I'm with you on the kid chip. Now that I have teens I feel even more in support of it every time they walk out the door. They are mine you can't have them world.

Abby said...

sorry about that susannah, the thought of something bad happening to a child-intentional or not, breaks my heart.
and to the people who have such opinions about your postings... wtf?! this is your blog. you can do whatever the heck you want on here. if they don't like it they don't have to read. you are a wonderful mom from reading your posts on zoey and what you write resonates with what many of us think and feel and that makes us human and alike. your honesty is welcomed by me any day.
shu weee.

Kacey said...

I could not agree more Susanna.I am normally a very mellow,easygoing person,trying desperatly to go through life with my rose tinted glasses on,although every so often they get whacked off my face by life and the horrors that ugly reality can bring.But theres one thing that can bring out an extremely scary side of me that most the time I hardly know exists,and thats the threat of causing any harm to my children,be it physical or emotional.Basically,dont mess with my kids because you wont like what you see,I may look and act like pollyanna,but theres a zena warrior princess in here just waiting to come out,so back away and stay awy from my kiddies.Actually,stay away from them all you pervs,weirdos and freaks.Personally I think castration is too nice for anyone who touches a child.Thanks for posting this Susannah,we all need to be aware and vigilantly watching out for predators like that who are looking for our children.And im sorry that happened to you,its sad that we live in a world where your innocent posting of your beautiful daughter has to be warped because of sick people who can look at a child that way.Take care,and stay strong.K

Anonymous said...

I am a fan of this blog -- I check it regularly, and genuinely enjoy Susannah's writing and unique view of this quirky world. I choose to be anonymous for my own anonymous reasons. But I have something to say: one thing that is getting downright annoying is the sort of nastiness Susannah's supporters turn on any one who dares to (gasp!) question or (double gasp!)criticize something she writes. Come on people! Susannah is a big girl and has chosen to put her opinions and views out there for all to consider -- if she wasn't ready for a little push back, she could just make all of you her Facebook friends and write to you that way. Susannah seems to be more than able to roll with the punches that come with an open blog, and has shown herself to be quite graceful at acknowledging valid criticism and deflecting the rest. Why do her readers have to be so nasty with their "wtf's" and "don't read her blog if you don't like it" attitude. These kind of defensive comments are tiresome and one-sided -- and end up driving readers away. There's my two cents...

krista said...

i'm going to hope it was a person actually searching for children's panties because their own young one was ready to start using them.
because the opposite reality is just a tad too dark for my heart.

yes, i think constructive criticism is good. however, i do not think that patronizing comments regarding your actions as a mother are constructive at all.

balance. we are always on the fence of balance.

p.s.
i sort of love you.