Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Things I Am Fairly Certain I am Not Supposed to Want (Oh, But I Do)

Chief among the list of things I am fairly certain I am not supposed to want (oh, but I do!) is this hurrache clad cad sporting a fez without a hint of irony. Nothing says yum! like a double breasted linen blazer while leaning against a stone arch. It's a Natural!

But then there's clothes for me. Me! Me! Me! I actually owned the rainbow belt shown below in 1981. Quite possibly I also owned rainbow suspenders, just in case the belt did not do the trick. Nanu, nanu, I couldn't have been the only one? And now I want it back. The belt, that is. Because that belt on a pair of jeans with a white shirt and flip flops? = Awesome (especially lunging forward just so).

And then there's this perfect bikini. Luckily my breasts are not shaped like metal funnel cakes, so I wouldn't have that pointy action going on. But the bikini itself is pretty bitchin' at just $6 per piece!


This skirt? Shorts? Or is it a skort? Whatever--the one with the strawberries on them. I can totally see these at Anthropologie for $128 (and me buying them and not feeling the slightest bit silly until I try them on again at home).

Dude. The outfit on the chick with the afro. I would totally wear it: the shirt, the shorts, the espadrilles. Even the afro, if my hair were prone to afrofantastic. But it's not so I'll just go with the outfit. Something about being born in 1972 and living through the summer of the bicentennial. Red, white and blue rocks.

I have always had a thing for anchors, sailor striped shirts, the nautical theme. And I would like to be friends with the girls below. I bet you anything the brunette told a joke about seamen. We would totally be bff's, she and I.

And rainbows, yes, rainbows. I actually like that "many-way mixer" number on the right, although I'd ditch the apron skirt. Rad, right? Anyone? Anyone?

And here we have "great moments in sportswear." I'm partial to the black swimsuit in the middle, and then the red cloak thing in the middle for apr├Ęs swim. I think my head looks best when in the form of a cone, oh-so mysterious and possibly one of the Illuminati.
And last but never least: hair. Crushables Hair, to be specific. Made out of something called modacrylic, the tagline is "the look you see is the look you get," which just so happens to be MY motto, too! Luckily I don't smoke, so I would not risk my head combusting into a fiery ball of synthetic tress.

And that, my friends, is my list of things I am fairly certain I am not supposed to want (oh, but I do), alternatively titled Quite Possibly the Most Half-Assed Post Ever. Please--let's put a hazy yellow vaseline-smeared lens on today and forgive me.

xoxo,

Susannah

17 comments:

Aartee said...

LOL I am pretty sure I had a rainbow belt at some point too!

Jen said...

I totally laughed out loud at this one. Hilarious. And I think I quite possibly had rainbow suspenders too.

Erienne said...

I'm pretty sure I love the red top, shorts, and espadrilles too. I would SO rock that. And I'm kinda digging that white top and belt combo on the left in that trio. So boho!

The great thing about this post is that everything truly has come back in some form or another (except maybe the modacrylic hair!)

Weitzell4 said...

I know I had the rainbow suspenders!

Vanessa said...

You could use your tatas as violent weapons if you got that bikini! I say pair it with the Illuminati robe. Badass.

Michele in Raleigh said...

OMG!! the girl in the rainbow belt... is it a young Shelly Hack, aka Tiffany Welles who replaced the smart Kate Jackson character on "Charlie's Angels"? It's gotta be her!

Kwana said...

No Ms. Lady you are NOT supposed to want these things but don't they all look so happy and cool? Not Stress and tired. I'm partial to the cool lady in the white tunic and a smile. Why can't I want that?

Misplaced Country Girl said...

I really want that white shirt dress and the middle black bathing suit. This had me laughing so hard my co-worker looked around her computer monitor at me. I think you could totally rock an afro!

arollerskatingjam said...

Those bathing suits are all great! I wonder what the fabric is like though. I have a vintage bikini (cone-style) and it's just basic woven cotton, not so quick to dry, I imagine. It looks awesome though, if only my big butt fit into the bottoms, I could get my husband to agree to ANYTHING.

Samantha said...

I often wish I had my elastic rainbow belt and my denim gauchos and my mauve moccasins back. I miss 1980. LOVE the strawberry skort but I'm pretty sure it doesn't look good on mom-gut.

Megan Lowden said...

Fan-F'ing-Tastic....not a half-assed post at all...love it...as for that bikini? My mother always used to tell me "it's not nice to point." This post made me remember a scary catalog I once saw at an ex-boyfriend's house - International Male (yes - I am aware of the implications)- just checked out the website...which is now apparently called www.undergear.com - holy moses...this is probably old news, but just had to share...

Megan Lowden said...

ummm....just realized that the 1st photo is actually from the Int'l male catalog...

meinkc said...

...the red thing with the hood is kind of like a sleeveless snuggie with all what-was-formerly-sleeve-energy going to, you know, the hood. So it's kind of like a bwoo-ha-ha-ha-ha evil kind of snuggie. But at the beach! Yay!

And the guy with the white suit! The hat and and blazer combo - it's like a boy scout (a grown one) who is still serious about being a boy scout (in a way), but then went all disco and rico sauve on us, which is okay..BUT WAIT! Then he sheds the hat and blazer and it's all...Fabio! BUT WAIT! His pants at this moment are...belted? Shouldn't the shirt be all out and flowy (shouldn't there be wind)? I'm so confusled. What catalogue did this come from? And how can this photo be in any kind of catalogue with the heading "it's a natural!!". I must know. :)

Scribe said...

What does it mean when I'm sporting the Crushables Hair in 2009? Lame? I thought so too.

Mermaids of the Lake said...

That was great! I did own the rainbow belt and rainbow suspenders and I also had these giant rainbow flip flops made out of terry cloth. I was just telling my 7th. grade daughter about those things today, as it is 70's day at her school. Fun!

Mermaid Debbie

Some said...

Npw you're just scaring me! I'm thinking maybe too long in a small room at the In-Laws (and YES, they're great) with just you, Zo, Bry in a bed behind ever-closed doors to keep Nacho and his Litterbox sequestered from arch-enemy home cat.

Much as I love you, need you and will miss you all, after today's post, my first question is, "How are you getting to the airport....and how SOON?!"

Back away from the hideoso fashion ads of todays post, slap yourself until clarity is achieved and call me. I have the new "Lucky" mag.
Love You To Bits,
Mom

amber {daisy chain} said...

so rad. I totally agree about the strawberry shorts - we'd want them if they were hung just so at Anthro. But the red cone cloak? That's just creepy. Imagine seeing someone walking on the beach in that!