Monday, February 23, 2009

Sharpen Your #2 Pencils

In what may just be the worst idea ever, today I am driving 4 hours north with a friend and our kids to be with our other friend because her husband has to go away on a business trip less than a week after she had a c-section with their second baby.

And if that sentence wasn't clunky enough for you, please, let me re-phrase: if a car is driving 300 miles at 70 mph with a two+ year old toward a small house with (2) other two+ year olds, (1) nine week old infant, (1) five day old newborn, (1) newly stitched c-section, (2) dogs, (3) women, (1) copy of "House Bunny" and immeasurable amounts of hormones gone horribly awry, how long will it take before someone throws herself on the floor crying over soggy cornflakes?
Now I did not fare incredibly well on the math portion of my SAT's but I am going with:
c.) T-minus 4, 3, 2, 1...
If you don't hear from me tomorrow please call Dr. Bauer, DDS for my dental records and whatever you do, don't look in my bedside table drawer.

13 comments:

Robin said...

You may not be great at math, but you are clearly a great friend. Give E a hug for me :)

Hannah said...

Dear God, I want to write something clever but the idea of so many babies in one house is rendering me totally wittiless. Good luck!

Regardez Moi said...

hahaha! bedside table drawer. nasty little things, those are.

good luck. you are a wonderful friend :)

Lolo said...

Lead story on the local news.

"House explodes. Neighborhood covered in colostrum, diapers, drool and what appeared to be snot but is actually a residual film of dignity. Rescue crew find a pacifier, Goodnight Moon, a sitz bath and some stool softener."

monkey said...

duuuuuude.
where do you find all these pictures?
you're killing me.
with buckets of awesome.

zakary said...

Our family doctor's name is Dr. Bauer.

And good luck. Drink lots.

Kasey said...

oh my!

The Lil Bee said...

OMG this is going to produce some excellent posts, I can feel it!

arollerskatingjam said...

You're a gem of a friend. Good luck and Godspeed!

Maggie May said...

one
that picture is terrifying

two
good luck!

Oh Brother! said...

Let's talk "boundaries," shall we?

The sacred (or just plain respected) "bedside table drawer."

We all have them. We all have "things" in them. In fact, all-of-the-above warrants an awful lot of " ""'s " .... gee, how DO you quotes, quotes? I digress.

Ok, so my sister respectfully asks that if she does not survive some chick flick in the making, that we, her reading public and I ASSume, family, do not, DO NOT look inside her bedside table drawer... Like why, because THAT'S where we'll find her last will and witty words to us? The secret to her killer? Her lost brilliant novel? (maybe, actually)

Nope.

THAT'S where we'll find her gee gees (did my sister tell you about "gee gees?" ... all things unmentionable in our family)

Ok, well THIS is what happened the last time I let MY sister alone in my house... for 15 minutes, literally.

She found my "Magnum" condoms. Shock and hopefully awe. :)

But that's not mortifying... enough.

Noooo, she placed "it" on my bed pillow like a hotel mint.

But, that's not mortifying... enough.

She wrote a note to go with "it" and signed it from my little "Petunia Faced" niece.

But that's not mortifying... enough.

She safety pinned the note... AND added quite a few "other" pin holes through the condom, to boot.

But THAT'S not mortifying... enough.

It was my wedding night.

(Let that sink in for a bit. Maybe imagine your brother or sister in all of the above circumstances... feeling the gee gees? Yeah. Eh.)

So, if my bedside table drawer is not off limits on my wedding night, what makes you think we won't be doing "Let's Make a Deal" with your unmentionables at your wake? :)

Looooove,

Your bro.

Patois said...

Now that's what I call true friends.

arollerskatingjam said...

I always figure that the contents of the "bedside drawer" are moot if I'm dead, I won't care then!