Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Like a Vagina Needs a Bicycle

I'm going to be honest with you. I'm writing this on Sunday night, post-Oscars, pre-road trip, destination Estrogen, population: Schizo. (You there on your Tuesday: you did not know it but by reading this post you're entering a time warp, a look back when we were all two days younger and the world was but a wee blue marble. Now look at us: two days older, jaded, the earth wise.) So yes, here I am, Sunday night and buying time with this pre-fab post, the fab most certainly standing for fabricated and not fabulous. My hair is wet, freshly showered, my house seeming to sway to the hum of the dishwasher. It is quiet. I have a feeling I won't be able to write while at my friend's house. Or breathe.

No matter--in my (not so) absence I give you this: Vagina on a Bicycle. (Alternate title: Woman with Unfortunate Hat, depending on where you stand.) With the birth of a new baby, talk at my friend's house will almost certainly repeatedly turn to the source, even if it was via c-section.
So there's that, this photo; and then there's this: me on a couch somewhere two days from now, probably complaining how Bryan never hangs up his jacket. I will be eating Chex Mix, maybe, picking out the pretzels because they suck and are stale. Zoey will be playing with her friends, the Backyardigans will be on, Uniqua and Tyrone, then the new baby will cry, her bleating mews causing my own faded pink c-section scar to ache, like a sailor portending rain. And I will wonder: is it just like riding a bicycle? The vagina: does it ever forget?
Happy Fat Tuesday, tout le monde. Laissez le bons temps roulez.
With love from Sunday,
Susannah

14 comments:

The Lil Bee said...

I just logged on during my lunch to read this and literally almost choked at the title and accompanying image! For the record, the food in my mouth at the time was cottage cheese.

monkey said...

i really wish that whoever made this would have added teeth.

Your Ill-fitting Overcoat said...

I know that my biological clock is not ticking loudly enough yet, because when I hear a baby crying that... is not my response. My response is, "Adorable, but THANK GOD SHE IS NOT MINE."

And I love the high-tech-i-tude of future posting! There's something about it that almost alarms me.

mamacita said...

I agree with monkey. The pubes are a nice touch, though.

Aartee said...

umm this photo is more then just a little disturbing! I think I might have nightmares about it tonight...

Janet said...

HAHAHAHAHA, OMG, vagina teeth, pubes and stale chex mix all in one place. I love coming here!

Vanessa said...

I find myself truly disturbed by this photo. Barf.

Bird* said...

disturbia.

Maggie May said...

that photo is making me queasy.

Rosalie said...

Holy cow! Where do you find this stuff?!!!!

Lolo said...

"Paris Hilton? Your vag is on the loose again."

Holy poops, I adore that someone took the time to make that thing and then haul it out in public.

Kasey said...

omg. that is hilarious.

Sharon, The Queen Blogger said...

This must the be Vagina Monologues Roadshow?

Molly said...

Yup, I'm pissed with myself that I've stayed away for so long.
And yup, I'm still here catching up.
Love Uniqua & Tyrone (we get it here!), love how my (also emergency) C/S scar aches at a newborn's cry, love your outlook on your world.
The vag on a bike tho'? Not so much love.