At first I was pissed at you. Then I hated myself. Now I'm just mad at the world.
It started with the photos I posted of Zoey wearing just her tutu and a pirate hat. A few people questioned the safety of putting *t0ple$s photos of my daughter on the internet. I thought that was silly. Is there such a thing as a two year old t0ple$s?? I mean, really? Would people question photos of a tw0 year old b0y without his shirt on? Because it's basically the same thing. I scoffed, and yes, maybe I felt a little stung (okay, a lot), but I forged on. I thought of the Coppertone girl getting her bottoms pulled down by the dog--was that really Jodie Foster or is that just an urban myth?--and then I thought, whatever. But then I posted a photo of Zoey in the tub surrounded by her My Pretty Ponies. The picture was taken from above. You could see the top of her head, shoulders, arms, a peek of tummy and chubby legs. Nothing else. I was more concerned about showing the www the amount of bath scum in my tub than my daughter. But I was wrong, because immediately Anonymous (who else?) lashed out at me to stop posting nekkid f0t0s of my daughter on my bl0g. I reeled from that comment. Nekkid f0t0s? Of my daughter??? WTF? I felt as if I'd been socked in the gut, spat on, as if I was being called a bad mother, a pervert myself. And so I cropped Zoey out of the photo and just showed the bath scum. But I cannot stop thinking about it; I cannot stop being angry. I started this blog to get myself writing again, and because I had so much to say about how much I love my daughter. And much of that love is cl0thed in just a diaper, sometimes even le$s. I could go on and on about the purity of children, the innocence, about how I do not want to foist shame upon my daughter, not now, not yet. But what I ultimately realized is that none of that matters. And that's why I'm angry. What matters--what has taken precedence over the natural innocence of children--is the fear and very real danger in the world. The fuckers who do cruise the internet looking for--God, I can't even type it. The fuckers who don't see the tutu and the pirate hat, who don't see the arms flung wide open in unabashed glee but see something else. Something that is not there. And so I have taken those photos down. Not because there is anything wrong with them. Not because there is anything wrong with me for posting them. And certainly not because there is anything wrong with my daughter being nekkid or "t0ple$s." I have taken them down because there is something wrong with the world. And now I am off to scour the scum from my bathtub. You do what you can... *Please note: I have not lost all spelling prowess, nor am I going all Prince on U. I am intentionally misspelling words that might be provocative as I do not want any pervert$ to find my blog by searching for certain words or phrases. Fuckers.