Monday, October 13, 2008

In 1492 Columbus Sailed the Ocean Blue

And here we are in 2008, wherein Susannah enslaves her child and soul mate.

My husband is 1/8th Native American (7/8ths “other” hotness). It then follows that my daughter is 1/16th indigenous. Which makes me, as 100% Anglo-asshole, their conqueror, oppressor, leader and the cause of the ultimate genocide of their culture, religion, land and their peoples. You know, 1/8th and 1/16th respectively. To honor this day I plan on forcing Bryan and Zoey to don loin cloths made of Seventh Generation paper towels while they clean the house and cook my meals. While they are doing so I will ransack their rooms for gold, spices and the odd quarter. I will discover America from the living room couch. If they so much as make a barbaric peep I will sell them into slavery, or better yet, feed them to Nacho, my hunting dog/cat. God Save the Queen! I will shout, raising my ice cream spoon high over head. Because I can.
Happy Columbus Day to you, too. Whatever the eff that means.

9 comments:

barbjensen said...

Oh, so well said.
hahahahaha

Maggie May said...

you enslave your child and soulmate too! omg we have so much in common!

(In)Sanity Gal said...

haha! a whole new take on columbus day - i love it!

mamacita said...

Oooh, does that mean Bryan gets to give you syphilis in return?

Visual Vamp said...

Let's change it to Happy Susanah Day!
xo xo

Carolyn said...

Brilliantly put. :)

Megan said...

You're really too much. I like your brand of tyranny.

Anonymous said...

Hilarious, yet again. Keep em coming.

Anonymous said...

I'm in northern Arizona and if you're from a certain Indian/Native American tribe--when you graduate from HIGH SCHOOL (I mean, WTF...high school? Who can't do that?!) you receive $330,000. If you go to college--you receive $4000 a month and $2500 if you don't. History may suck..but it can help with the future. (how do I know this native american trivia? we just sold a $400,000 home to a 19 year old native american going to community college)